When I Say Your Name
by TazoClarity
Summary: L/J Marauders fic, 7th year. After initial resistance, Lily is warming up to James, but can a huge secret end it forever? And the Slytherins are fed up and looking for blood after an attack on Snape. No fluff, serious plot and LOTS of Sirius!
1. Chapter 1

Lily Evans grinned as she walked through the wall between platforms and the scarlet train appeared. Around her were throngs of young wizards and witches, all bidding their parents half-hearted good-byes, they all obviously couldn't wait to return to the best Wizarding school England had to offer. For her especially, the summer was extremely tedious; she was surrounded by people who, try as they might, could not understand the world that she had entered at the young age of eleven. She loved her parents and could barely express her gratitude for the obvious enthusiasm they had for the magical world, but she could not deny that a whole summer without magic at all grated on her nerves horribly. Not to mention the unfortunate detail of having to endure her sister, Petunia, and Petunia's new gigantic boyfriend, Vernon. It was comical to see the two standing next to each other, and Lily was painfully reminded of an ostrich standing next to a blimp. She swore that she cracked four ribs trying not to laugh at the sight. Her sister was now standing off to the side, looking surly and refusing to make eye-contact with any of the "freaks."

Her parents had just appeared and her father put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her into an embrace. "Have a good year, Lils. And don't forget to write, I swear we were lucky to get a letter a month last year."

Lily smiled affectionately at her father. "I sent one at least every two weeks, Dad. I swear you get more dramatic as the years go by." Her dad laughed and gave her one last squeeze. "Take care of yourself, love."

"I always do." She then turned to her teary-eyed mother. "Mum, you've cried every year since I first started Hogwarts." Her mother shook her head and hugged her.

"I know it's silly, but it's your last year and then you'll be all grown. Look at you, Head Girl. We're so proud." She smiled. "Have a great year."

"I will, Mum." Now Lily reluctantly turned to her sister. "I'll see you, Tuney." Her sister twisted her face into a smile that looked more like a grimace for the benefit of their parents.

"Have fun at your…school." As Lily moved past her, she muttered. "Time to go back with your own kind." Lily rounded on her and clasped her hands in a seemingly friendly manner and hissed, "Keep that boyfriend of yours away from sharp objects while I'm away, he might just pop and explode." As her sister glared at her in indignant silence, she gave her parents one last wave and towed her trunk to the impatiently whistling Hogwarts Express.

As she moved closer to the train, many of the older students greeted her enthusiastically and that feeling of returning to the comfort of your home rushed forward. This was where she wanted to be. She had plenty of friends, she was popular and fairly talented (she got 10 OWLs and was doing well in all of her NEWT classes), and she was a prefect-turned-Head Girl. Things couldn't possibly be more perfect in her life. She boarded the train and left her trunk in a compartment full of her friends- Maggie, her best friend; Anise; and Kate. After quickly hugging them all, she excused herself and headed to the prefect's compartment.

"Remus!" The other Gryffindor prefect turned and grinned at her and gave her a one-armed hug. "Hey, Lily. How was your summer?" She shrugged.

"It was the same, except for Petunia's humongous boar of a boyfriend. He couldn't possibly be more of a…" she searched for the right word, "well a Muggle." Remus laughed.

"I can't imagine how awful that must've been," he joked. Lily really liked Remus, he was smart, kind, and had a great sense of humor. They really could have been better friends if not for the company he kept ...but she wasn't going to ruin the beginning of the year thinking about Potter and Black, she had better things to do.

"So Head Boy?" she questioned. She could only assume it was him, it's not like any of the other prefects were capable enough. Remus gave a small smile and ran a hand through his hair.

"Well actually ...I think that you'll be- er...really surprised when you-"

"What?" Lily cut across. "Who else could it possibly be?" She laughed at the thought of any of the other male prefects possible. Remus gave a nervous chuckle, knowing that this wasn't going to make her happy.

"Well," he began again. But another voice rang out through the compartment, with the absolute confidence of only one person Lily knew.

"All right there, Evans?"


	2. Chapter 2

Lily spun around to meet the charming (she grudgingly admitted) face of James Potter. "Potter?" He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Oh no no no no ...that's – this is not possible!" She turned on Remus. "How is this possible? He's not even a prefect!"

Remus raised his hands in surrender as she had a meltdown. "I don't know, but it isn't a mistake… he – "

Lily rounded back on James and stepped closer to him, he took a step back in surprise. "You have to be kidding?! What were they thinking? 'Oh, yes, James Potter isn't a prefect and this makes absolutely no sense, but hey! Potter is just _so_ wonderful that he should be Quidditch Captain and Head Boy! In fact, why don't we just make him the great overlord of Hogwarts in commemoration of all his great deeds!' "

When she paused to take a breath, James decided to softly speak in his own defense. "You know, Dumbledore is the one that makes these appointments."

Lily rolled her eyes grandly at him and walked to the other side of the compartment.

"Aw, come on, Evans! Maybe if you just took a step back and stopped hating me for about three seconds, we could make this work!" She eyed him coldly.

"You are an arrogant prat, and the only way this can work is if you agree to jump off the train right now and put us all out of our misery."

James actually looked hurt for the tiniest of moments, but masked it over quickly. His gaze was challenging as he stepped towards her. She realized that he had grown at least three inches over the summer and fairly towered over her by a good head.

"What exactly have I done to make you hate me so much?" He frowned.

"Well for starters, you like to hex people for enjoyment – "

"I don't do that anymore!"

" ...and you are so self-obsessed!"

"Or maybe you just hold grudges for years on end, and fail to see that people grow up!"

"Oh please! You –" They were interrupted by Remus, who had been timidly watching the shouting match from as far away as possible.

"Blimey, you two! Look!" He pointed to the entrance of the compartment, where three or four prefects stood with more trickling in. They both winced and immediately moved away from each other, but not before James shook his head in amusement and Lily glared him down.

An awkward silence settled around them before some said, "Hey how is Potter Head Boy? Is he allowed to be Head Boy?"

Remus cleared his throat. "There is nothing in the school rules that says a prefect must be Head Boy. So… yeah."

Some Slytherins muttered under their breaths, but the rest seemed to take it in stride. When nobody objected, James turned to Lily and winked.

"I suppose we can begin then?" Lily rolled her eyes again and then turned to their audience, all smiles.

-------------------------------------------------

"Lily, do you think you could maybe give Prongs a break?" Remus asked gently as they walked to their compartments.

"No. Why should I?"

"Because he really isn't as horrible as you think. And you know he has been interested in you since third year, but he isn't thirteen anymore."

"I've noticed," Lily put in dryly. Remus shrugged companionably.

"You know what I mean. You still see the immature thirteen year-old, but James – "

"Remus, please. I know you're his friend, but can we just leave it? I don't hate him, I just ..." she paused when she realized she had no idea what she felt about James Potter.

He was charming, good-looking, loyal to a fault, effortlessly talented in almost everything, and she had to admit that he treated her apart from almost everyone else, that he treated her better and obviously fancied her. But the problem was that he was one of the coolest guys in school and he knew it. One minute, he was being sweet and she would find herself trying to remember why she hated him, and the next he would say something awful and disgusting and she would loath him with renewed passion.

For now, she didn't want to study the complexities of her relationship with Potter and instead rely on her standby hatred. She was saved an explanation when they stopped in front of her compartment. "This is me," she told Remus, who nodded and said that he would see her later on.

She pushed the door closed and slumped in the nearest seat. Her friends eyed her with slightly bemused expressions. "Prefect meeting go that well?" Maggie ventured, bumping Lily gently in the side. Lily scrutinized Maggie's emerald gaze behind her jet-black curls.

"Potter is the Head Boy." She stated dramatically. Maggie tilted her head to the side a little in question. Anise and Kate were silent, as if waiting for Lily to continue.

When she didn't, Anise giggled. Lily shot her a betrayed look but Anise was unruffled. "James?" She giggled again. She flushed to the roots of her plaited, strawberry-blond hair. "Well isn't that the –"

" ...most cliché thing I've heard today." Kate interjected. You could always depend on Kate's sarcastic observation, but more often than not, it flew over the heads of those around her.

Lily took the bait. "Meaning?"

Kate gave her a half-smile. "Meaning, Head Boy and Head Girl? That's fairytale status perfect, Lils. It's just nauseating, really." Anise nodded her head in agreement.

Lily shot her head in Maggie's direction, and the latter simply raised her eyebrows and grinned. Unable to find a sympathetic friend, Lily huffed.

"I don't know what you're on about! Nothing will ever happen between Potter and me. His Head Boy-ship is a tragic mistake and all you lot can do is tease me in riddles!" Now Maggie sat up impatiently in her seat.

"Please Lily! Sure Potter can be an asshole, but he has a lot to be an asshole about. He is nice enough on the eyes and he is mad about you! One date will not cause you to shrivel up and die!"

"Are you sure of that?" She shot back. One of the reasons Maggie was her best friend was that she always gave Lily the exact truth and wanted what was best for her even when she didn't want to hear it. Of course, that was after she seethed at Maggie for telling her what she didn't want to hear, and this was one of those times. Anise broke in.

"You must be the only girl in school that wouldn't look twice at James Potter, Lils."

"Oh, I wouldn't go that far," Maggie snarked. "She just won't agree to go out with him." Lily opened her mouth for a hot retort, but Kate took a dig.

"At least shag the poor guy. He's been pining for you for ages and I can't say any girl in school is too happy that he only wants you. If you date him and dump him, then he can move on and someone else can have a fighting chance." Maggie's eyes gleamed.

"Not to mention that if you got with Potter, then I could have a chance with Black."

Lily groaned. "Honestly, not that again! I refused to believe you are that shallow, Margaret Shaw!"

Maggie snorted. "Believe it, Sirius is the most gorgeous git in our year!"

"And the most emotionally detached. What do you get from dating the biggest playboy in our year? I've met dogs with a better idea of romance!"

Anise and Kate were staring off dreamily, probably thinking of James and Sirius. Maggie gave Lily a seductive sideways smile that gave her face an entrancing glow. "Who said dogs couldn't be trained?"

Anise characteristically began giggling and Maggie and Kate followed her lead until Lily was laughing reluctantly but helplessly as they pulled on their uniforms.


	3. Chapter 3

The feast was about to begin when Lily felt James Potter slip into the seat next to her. Not even turning around she said, "Lost, Potter?"

He leaned in close enough to make her uncomfortable. "So you can sense my presence now, Evans? That's a good sign."

She twitched away from the feeling of his breath on her ear and turned to look at him. "No. It was the shadow of your fat head." That was a lie. And it bothered her more than she cared to admit that she had felt him sit next to her.

He was smiling. "It's the best looking fat head you've ever seen in your life. Am I right?"

She tried to suppress her giggle and was smiling slightly as she pushed him back. "Wrong."

Her friends were watching the entire exchange with those annoying, superior expressions. Maggie shook her head with a grin, which only served to get wider when Sirius Black careened onto the bench next to James. His handsome features were enhanced by his bright, wolfish grin.

"We were wondering where you got to, mate!" He ruffed up James' hair and then looked past James to Lily, who was staring at the table. "Why, hello Evans!" He said easily. "Good summer?"

Lily kept her eyes on the table, ignoring his question. "Black." She acknowledged. Sirius turned his attention to the other three girls.

"Shaw, O'Leary, and Jared," he greeted, nodding at Maggie, Anise, and Kate respectively. "And did you ladies enjoy the summer?" Maggie's lips turned up into a smirk and she nodded. Anise smiled, "Of course."

Kate raised her eyebrows. "It was fascinating. Much like this small talk."

Sirius leaned in with a grin. "And what would you rather talk about, Jared? What would make you ...loosen up?"

Lily rolled her eyes again, and James, who had been watching her this whole time, moved into her again.

"You know, if you keep rolling your eyes like that, they're liable to fall out."

She sighed. "And you would get a kick out of that, wouldn't you Potter?"

"You have beautiful eyes," he said simply. She hated that. It was always so disconcerting when he said something genuinely sweet with no trace of a sexual innuendo or a smarmy comment.

"Thanks." She answered, with a little more bite than she had hoped would come out.

"Then you'll go out with me, my sweet Lilyflower?" He took one of her hands and winked. She had forgotten about his stupid nickname, so unoriginal and oddly endearing. She pulled her hand out of his grasp.

"Ugh. No." Kate and Sirius were engaged in a round of playful banter and all eyes were on them. All of their friends (the entire year, for that matter) were more than used to the back and forth between Lily and James. Maggie was looking slightly put-out at the intrigued look in Black's eyes. Kate was cleanly trouncing him in the battle of wits, with his idea of 'wit' being more along the lines of lewd commentary.

Kate's expression was one of boredom, but Lily saw a flash of something in her chocolate eyes, like she was sizing him up.

Their entertainment was interrupted as Dumbledore stood to address the students.

"Welcome all, to another year. Forgive my brief speech, though I'm quite sure that the last thing you want to be doing at the moment is listen to me go on and on." Some polite chuckles at that.

"It is refreshing to see all of the returning faces and the new, needlessly terrified ones." He looked around at the huddled first-years at each House table. There was now some genuine laughter.

"Just a quick reminder that the Forbidden Forest is off-limits, and I say this for your own health."

His eyes rested on the Marauders for a long moment; James and Sirius smirked and Peter Pettigrew, dubbed Wormtail, laughed nervously.

"There is a list of banned objects from Mr. Filch, but I would like to start eating within the next three weeks, so I advise that you all peruse this at the door of his office, where it is most kindly displayed. Now… let the feast begin, shall we?" As the headmaster took his seat, the food magically sprung forth from the table.

Immediately, talk erupted in the Great Hall as people went to fill their plates. James kept bumping up against Lily and reaching over her. She knew that he was looking for a reaction, so she tried to ignore it.

Anise looked around at them all as she placed some potatoes on her plate. "Did you all hear about the McLaughlin's?"

A silent tension followed this question, and Lily felt James stiffen beside her. Sirius' usually cheerful and laid-back expression dampened. Maggie and Remus exchanged dark looks.

"Yeah," Sirius said, finally. "Horrible thing." A shadow crossed James' eyes and he swallowed.

"My mum and dad knew them. They were good people and they didn't deserve…" He trailed off with a snarl.

Lily was watching him with surprise. She had never seen him so serious. Of course, the war being waged at the moment was anything but a joke.

Mysterious deaths, Dark Marks, hatred of Muggle-borns, and the constant fear. Overnight, it had become a dangerous world, especially for someone of Lily's birth. The past year had really sobered up her way of life, because she was seeing it everywhere.

Lily cast a glance at the green-clad Slytherin table, where Avery, Malfoy, Nott, and Mulciber were congregated. She could see the glee on their faces as they put their heads together. The thought that they were enjoying the magical world at its knees, at the mercy of one like Lord Voldemort, made her sick inside.

Her eyes fell on another sitting with them and her stomach clenched further. Severus Snape's greasy locks were apparent and he looked as excited as the rest.

They had been friends; he had introduced her to the thought of being a witch and essentially held her hand through first year when she learned to adjust. She supposed she should have seen what was going to come.

He was a Slytherin and he was forever with them as they fed that vicious insanity until he finally broke and called her the most disgusting and hated word known to Muggle-borns. And that was the end of it.

She couldn't be his friend and watch what he was slowly becoming. No friend could do that. Now she treated him with cool contempt, to protect herself from his dark transformation. It was all she could do.

She was pulled out of her reverie when James touched her shoulder. "I can't look at this food for much longer before I give in and eat it. So I suggest you get to it first."

He was gesturing to her untouched plate with a grin, the former conversation thankfully forgotten.

She smirked. "Go near that chicken and you'll lose a hand, Potter."

James comically let his face go solemn and pressed a hand to his heart. "I would sacrifice anything for my fair lady."

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and the three girls across from him cringed at his stuffed open mouth of half-chewed food.

Lily groaned. "Please just give it up, Potter. You're absolutely mental!"

"Mental about you," he quipped, and pressed a kiss to her cheek before she could say anything.

"POTTER!" she yelled, and went to smack him. He dodged her hand easily and turned to flee the Hall. Some of the students turned to watch, wondering what James had done this time. The Marauders were outright laughing at the scene and Lily's friends were trying to hold in their own laughter.

As he took off towards the doors, Dumbledore stood and cleared his throat. "Mr. Potter, if you could wait to make your escape, I need to see you and Ms. Evans in my office after the feast."

Lily blushed as the Hall tittered around them. Dumbledore surveyed them through his half-moon spectacles and sighed. "Nothing like that. Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans are our new Head Boy and Girl. It is a standard meeting."

The Gryffindors began cheering their congratulations in a roar, and most Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws joined in. James took a bow to the amusement of his classmates, and then strode over to Lily and pulled her up by the hand so she could be recognized.

Frank Longbottom cried, "Way to go, Potter!" through many similar cheers and added, "you too, Lily."

Looking at the teachers trying to hide their entertained expressions, Lily stomped on James' foot with as much force as she could.

James winced and crumpled slightly. "What was that for, Evans?"

Only people nearest them could hear their conversation. The cheering began to die down as Dumbledore raised a hand in silence and Lily and James sat back down.

"You know what, Potter." She stabbed at her dessert. "I can't believe I have to work with you all of this year."

He groaned at her. "Well don't hold back, tell me how you really feel." The girls laughed and Sirius thumped him on the back.

"Cheer up, Prongs! Persistence is a powerful thing."

Maggie scoffed. "What would you know about persistence, Black? You go through girls as fast as you go through underpants."

James smirked. "Yeah, Padfoot, tell her!"

Sirius considered this for a moment. "Nothing, to be honest. It's all theory." Peter squinted in confusion.

"Theory? What do you mean?" Sirius grinned.

"Don't hurt yourself, Wormtail." Everyone except Lily and Remus laughed as they were dismissed to bed.

James stood and offered his hand to Lily. "Shall we?" Lily ignored the hand and stalked by him.

"Just keep a good distance, Potter." He rolled his eyes and trailed after her.

"Ah, do come in," Dumbledore said softly as they peered in the door. The Head Boy and Girl strode in and sat in the two chairs facing the sturdy oak desk.

"Good evening, sir," James said. Lily nodded in agreement and they waited for Dumbledore to begin.

He eyed them both intently and then his gaze fell on James. "Mr. Potter, I understand that there was some... question as to your appointment."

"It is all settled, sir," Lily broke in. She didn't know why she was so keen to keep the matter closed, but now that James was an unfortunately undeniable fact of her existence, she didn't want to antagonize him or be antagonized (as unlikely as that was).

James smiled slightly in surprise at her interruption and Dumbledore nodded.

"I just wished to assure you that there was no mistake. I thought carefully about this and deemed it appropriate. You are both well-like students that already carry respect among your peers. The Heads need that kind of likability and leadership ability to be successful, as unorthodox not appointing a prefect may be..." He tapped a long finger gently on his desk.

"I think, then, we should get down to it. As the Head Boy and Girl, you will be obliged to patrol the corridors at curfew, plan school events, organize holidays, Hogsmeade forms, and the like. It is fairly straightforward, especially for you, Lily, since you've been a prefect." Lily smiled. "You are allowed to give detentions and use the special bathrooms, though that isn't new to either of you. I want to impress upon you both the privilege and responsibility of your position." James nudged Lily at the word 'responsibility' and she responded by pinching his arm.

Dumbledore acted like he didn't notice anything, but his eyes were gleaming mischievously as he spread his palms on his desk. "Any questions or suggestions?"

James leaned back in his chair, stretching his arm across Lily's chair, and shook his head. Lily, however, looked up brightly. "I was thinking we could have a school dance!"

James let out a soft moan at the suggestion and Lily glared at him. "We only have dances on very special occasions, which aren't even once a year, and I think that it would be a good idea."

Dumbledore inclined his head. "I'm sure that many young women would share you view, Ms. Evans, but we should probably not touch upon that matter until we see how it would be received by the governors. Dances at Hogwarts have a penchant for running out of control."

Lily only looked slightly put-off and nodded politely. Dumbledore stood, signaling them to do the same. "If that is all, then I will bid you both a good-night and trust that the Head Boy and Girl won't take any detours on their way back to the dormitories?"

James shook his head emphatically. "Never, Professor. Evans wouldn't let me." Dumbledore chuckled a little as he waved them off.

For the most part, they walked along the corridor in silence. James turned toward Lily when they entered the portrait hole. The common room was empty; everyone must have gone to bed after the exhaustion of the day.

Lily refused to meet his eyes and instead headed to the girl's dormitories. "Evans."

Lily turned and saw that James hadn't moved. "Potter?"

He looked at her for a moment and then spoke deliberately. "Listen, we're going to be working together a lot and I don't know about you, but I don't want to be miserable for days on end." He stopped to weigh her expression and she raised her eyebrows.

"Go on."

"You know what I'm saying. I'm not trying to force you to be my best mate or anything, but I think we should... should try and be civil. I won't be such a..."

"Arrogant prat?"

James smirked. "Right. Yeah, if you let up a little on the hatred and venom."

"I'm not that bad!" James crossed his arms. "Well, you deserve it most of the time!"

James gave her a sad half-smile that gave her a pang of guilt for some reason. "I'm trying to make this okay for both of us, so can you help me out here?"

Lily suddenly realized that he was being earnest. He really wanted this to be painless for both of them. Her face softened. "Alright then," she nodded. He held out his hand and they shook on it. As she climbed the stairs, she looked back and saw that he still hadn't moved.

"Oh, and Potter?" He looked at her questioningly. "Can you stop asking me out as often as you draw breath?"

"If you just said yes, the problem would be solved."

"Potter!"

He laughed. "I'll work on it." Lily nodded and started up the stairs again. "Good night, my Lilyflower."

Lily rolled her eyes, at least it was familiar.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, schedules were handed out. "Black. Evans. Lupin. O'Leary. Potter. Pettigrew. Shaw." McGonagall called out and distributed.

Sirius glanced lazily at his schedule. "Transfiguration, first thing."

McGonagall fixed him with a stony stare as Lily, Maggie, Kate, James, and Remus all confirmed the same.

"Do try to be on time. I shall know you had ample time to prepare for class."

Sirius gave her a cheeky wink. "I would die before missing a class with you, Professor." His eyes widened like a mocking supplicant and the entire table held in laughter, waiting for the Deputy Headmistress' reaction.

Uncharacteristically, McGonagall threw him a very sarcastic wink in return. "Good, Black. I would hardly meet my detention quota without you."

As she left, the girls erupted into giggles and James shook his head with a wide grin. "Smooth, Padfoot."

Sirius threw his elbows onto the table. "She adores me. I can tell."

"Yes, I see that," Lily said through her laughter.

"I'm serious. To her, detentions are a sign of affection."

As they rose from the table and gathered their things, Kate looked up at him. "Then you might want to file a Ministry-issued restraining order, Black. Because you have an obsessed stalker on your hands."

"Potter, Black, as delightful as the two of you are together, I have a migraine today and I would rather my head not explode. Ms. Shaw, take a seat next to Mr. Black and Potter, join Ms. Evans."

Sirius looked a little more crestfallen than James, as they obeyed McGonagall. James sauntered up two rows and sat down next to Lily. "Looks like we will be working even closer than we thought." Lily favored him with a sarcastic smile as he took out his books.

"This is just for today, Potter," she reminded him pseudo-sweetly.

McGonagall bid Kate to pass out beavers to each table. When she cringed away from the animals, Remus moved to lend her a hand. The process was taking forever. Maggie leaned toward Sirius and muttered something in his ear. With an indifferent smirk, he flicked his wand and beavers were zooming through the classroom to each table. Unfortunately, the spell didn't make allowances for the other objects in the room. People got smacked in the face and books were knocked over as beavers flew to the back of the room. Some of the girls screamed and ducked, a Gryffindor named Clint Kingswood had his hand pressed to his swollen eye after being hit in the face by a beaver tail. Maggie was bowled over with tears of laughter and Kate was staring at the empty boxes in surprise.

Lily had managed to avoid the flying beavers due to James' marvelous reflexes. He had pulled her below the table almost as soon as Sirius had waved his wand. Lily guessed that his quickness gave him his Quidditch prowess as she muttered a 'thanks'. They both looked up to see McGonagall furiously marching to where Sirius was situated in the back.

"10 points from Gryffindor for sheer stupidity, Black. Do you not think I could have done that myself! There is a reason I have a student pass out the subjects!" Sirius smiled sheepishly while Maggie nursed the stitch in her side from suppressed laughter.

"I apologize, Professor, it won't happen again."

McGonagall pursed her lips at him for a moment and then turned and swept back up to the front of the classroom.

#################################################################################################

"Evans, you're doing it wrong! Just let me –"

"No, Potter! I can do it! If you would just let me think for two seconds, I could do it!"

A pause. "Now can I help?"

"You actually counted to two?" Lily asked incredulously. James smirked and shrugged. "Don't say anything, Potter."

Lily tapped the beaver with her wand and muttered the incantation. This only served to make the beaver look up at her and tilt its head as if she were insane.

James blinked. "It's not still supposed to be a beaver, you know." Lily rounded on him, seeing red, when McGonagall chose that moment to appear.

"Let's see your progress." She examined the confused animal for a moment and sighed. "Ms. Evans, this doesn't look anything remotely like a beater's bat."

"Actually, Professor, it does have a wooden leg." James helpfully pointed to the beaver's right hind leg.

McGonagall looked at Lily, who was blushing slightly. "And this is the farthest you have come after an entire hour?" Lily nodded abashedly and McGonagall turned her attention to James. "Give it a try, Potter."

James tapped the beaver and it immediately morphed into a polished, wooden beater's bat.

McGonagall gave the smallest of smiles. "Well then, Potter, show her!"

"Of course, Professor." When McGonagall turned away, Lily snapped at James.

"How do you manage that? You barely try and you do it perfectly on the first go! It's absolutely ludicrous!"

James leaned closer and gave her a Cheshire Cat smile. "I'll show you." She unwillingly felt herself smile back.

He transformed the beaver back and forth again and then helped her with her pronunciation of the spell. She was pronouncing it correctly and still nothing happened.

"I hate this wretched subject!"

James glanced sideways at her. "More than you hate me, or you wouldn't be taking my advice."

Lily sighed. "I don't hate you, Potter, I just think that you are an arrogant bully."

"Oh, that's so much better than hatred! Thanks for letting me know!"

Lily closed her eyes in exasperation. "Can you please just tell me what I'm doing wrong?"

James took a breath. "I think you aren't visualizing it well enough. You have to clearly see the beater's bat in your mind. Every detail is important. Close your eyes."

She did so, but not before shooting him a wary look. "Can you see it? Every grain of wood?"

She nodded slowly. James guided her wand hand toward the animal subject. "Do it."

She mimicked her previous movements and the beaver successfully changed. Lily's eyes opened and grew even wider when she saw that she had done it. The end of class came then and James stood.

"It looks like you aren't totally hopeless, Evans."

She smacked him on the shoulder as he chivalrously shouldered her bag and followed her out the door. "Come on! You know you're grateful!"

"To you? Not in this lifetime. And I can carry my own bag, thanks!"

Sirius, Maggie, Kate, and Remus watched as Lily and James took off down the corridor, forgetting all about their friends, and they grinned at each other.

##########################################################################################

Lily had Arithmancy after Transfiguration, and finished off the day in Double Potions with the Slytherins.

"Ms. Evans!" Professor Slughorn cried as she entered the room with Maggie and Remus, who both also took Arithmancy. "I've been waiting to see you in a class of mine today. Not that there was any doubt that you would continue Potions," he said with a wink.

Lily smirked and set her bag near a cauldron. "Professor, if I weren't here, who would show you what a real Gryffindor could do in this class?" She knew very well how to charm the Potions Master and she played his game because she knew he wanted her to.

Predictably, he let out a deep rumbling laugh. "I still say that you would have been an asset to Slytherin, Ms. Lily."

"We all know that the Slytherins are in dire need of assets, Professor," she said smartly. Sirius and James were walking in as she said this and burst into laughter. The Slytherins were silently incensed, knowing that they couldn't do anything to Slughorn's favorite.

"And I see that mouth of yours is as sharp as ever, Ms. Evans." He winked again and then turned to the Marauders standing in the doorway. "Boys, take your seats."

As Slughorn droned on about the potion they were going to be attempting, Maggie nudged Lily. "This class is going to be very interesting this year."

"Why do you say that?"

Maggie rolled her eyes. "Look around."

Snape was sitting in the front with Nott. Next to them were Sirius' cousin, Bellatrix Black, and Rudolphus Lestrange. Mulciber and Avery were in the back doing something under the table.

On the Gryffindor side was Lily, Maggie, Remus, Peter, Anise, Sirius, and James. To put it simply, you couldn't better fill a room of people that hated each other if you tried. Lily nodded at Maggie in understanding.

"Why do they insist on mixing us with the Slytherins every year?"

Sirius, who was sitting behind them, leaned forward. "It's called 'survival of the fittest,' Evans. The quickest way to House unity is to wipe out the other Houses."

"They're hoping that we'll end up killing each other," James nodded.

"You boys are simply brilliant!" Maggie shot. "Explaining the world away one question at a time!"

"We're men, not boys, Shaw." Sirius said.

"I'll be sure to –"

"Do you four have any questions?" Slughorn had caught on to their whispered conversation.

"No, sir," Lily said. From the corner of her eye, she noticed that Snape's lip had curled in anger. She met his gaze coldly.

"Then, Mr. Potter, kindly tell the class how to counteract the dizziness brought on by a Hiccupping Solution."

James opened his mouth. "I… uh –"

"Let it simmer for an extra half hour," Lily murmured through the corner of her mouth.

James smiled and repeated the answer, to Slughorn's surprise. Then Slughorn nodded his head knowingly at Lily, and said, "Correct, Mr. Potter," quite pointedly.

Now Snape looked outright irate as he scribbled his notes furiously. Nott was frowning at him in confusion. Lily turned away and looked to the front again.

"Did I ever tell you how wonderful you are, Lilykins?" James whispered.

Maggie and Sirius were snickering quietly. "We're even, Potter. That was for Transfiguration. And I suggest you pay attention unless you want to be put on the spot again."

Taking her advice, he said nothing after that.


	5. Chapter 5

"You know, I haven't seen Remus in class for the past couple days. Where do you think he is?" Anise was putting on Kate's blue nail polish carefully.

Maggie shrugged. "I think he's a bit sickly. He missed school a lot last year too."

Suddenly, an unbidden thought came to Lily's mind; the very controversial theory of an old friend. "Did he miss much the year before that?"

"I dunno. I never paid that much attention."

Anise gave Maggie a sly look. "And what's changed?" She jerked her hand back. "Ow! Kate, what's in this nail polish?"

Kate was reclining on heard bed with her Astronomy homework. "Chimera's venom, it'll burn the skin if you're not careful."

Anise was rubbing her hand gingerly. "Now you tell me."

Lily was frowning, deep in thought. She had remembered a couple nights ago, when she was making her curfew rounds with James that she noticed a long cut on his arm. When she drew attention to it, he had hastily pulled his sleeve down and muttered that it was nothing.

"_It's obviously not nothing!" she cried. "That looks deep and about two inches long, not like something you would forget about."_

_His sleeve was down over it, but he clenched the wound with his hand. "I got it in Charms."_

_Lily narrowed her eyes. "I have Charms with you and I never –"_

"_I meant Quidditch. Just come off it, okay? It doesn't matter." He said it firmly, on the verge of actual anger. He had never spoken to her like that, and he wouldn't look her in the eye. "Why do you care so much?"_

_That threw Lily off-balance. She had no idea why she was frantically interrogating him, and honestly, it bothered her. "I don't really," she lied. "Let's just finish up."_

_James gave her a cold shrug and they didn't speak to each other for the rest of the night._

"I wonder what could be wrong with him?"

Kate's head went up. "Who?"

"Remus."

Kate's interested look disappeared. "Oh. I wouldn't trouble over it."

Maggie closed her Arithmancy textbook and set it aside. "Speaking of the 'Marauders,'" the name rolled off her tongue with mocking reverence, "how does it go with their fearless leader?"

Lily groaned, her investigation on Lupin's mysterious absence fading from her mind. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, it's just that you're actually being civil towards him. And you've been forced to spend time with him and I've actually heard you laughing with him."

"I find him amusing. I could say the same about acromantulas; it doesn't mean I would go on a date with one."

Anise blew delicately on her newly-painted fingernails. "Methinks the lady doth protest too much," she quoted with a smirk.

"Ugh! You are all so hopeless! Why does everyone find my relationship with Potter so intriguing?"

"Lil, it's time to face the facts. The entire school, especially the female population, knows that James has fancied you for years. Now you are Head Boy and Head Girl. You haven't dated anyone this year –"

"We've been at Hogwarts for a month!" Lily protested.

"Not to mention your general popularity," Maggie continued as if Lily hadn't spoken. "Of course everyone's watching! Everyone has watched for years, it just seems... a lot more promising now."

Lily put her hands on her hips. "And why is that?"

They all exchanged looks, which further infuriated their redheaded friend. Kate gave Lily an almost soft look as she spoke. "Potter is... sort of different this year, and I think you've noticed. You just want to pretend that you haven't."

"Maybe I can't see something that isn't there."

"No, you're in denial," Anise put in. "He's not a totally different person or anything, but he has… matured. He doesn't go around hexing people weaker than him anymore and he's always been really against the Dark Arts."

"But it doesn't change the fact that he is beyond narcissistic…"

"He is full of himself," Kate conceded, "but not as much as he was two years ago."

Lily looked at her three friends, all in agreement, all coaxing her to give James Potter a chance. She shook her head. "I can't believe this. Don't you all remember when we used to talk about what gits the four of them were? And now you may as well start a Potter-Black fan club!"

After a pregnant pause, Kate sighed. "I'm going to bed. She's absolutely hopeless." The dark-haired girl proceeded to close her curtains around the bed dramatically. Anise followed suit moments later.

Maggie looked only slightly sympathetic. "You should give it more thought, Lils."

Maggie turned off the light next to her four-poster bed, leaving Lily sitting bolt upright in the dark. She trusted her friends, but everything had always been the same where it concerned James Potter. He pursued her, showed off, asked her out, and she verbally abused him or ignored him. Now, everything was getting disrupted and complicated. She laid down and pressed her face against the pillow, wondering if the year would take a very unexpected turn.

#############################################################################################

Lily had tried not to let the words of her friends affect how she felt about James, but it was nearly impossible not to. She began to pay attention when he spoke, hunting for any possible sign of the immaturity and petulance that she had grown used to. And when she found little proof, she began to thaw towards him. Still, something held her back from friendship. She didn't trust him; she didn't believe that the borderline cruelty he had displayed over the years could just evaporate. It was natural for her to tense up defensively when he spoke to her or used those aggravating terms of endearment; it was natural for her to dislike him.

One night, as they were making their obligatory curfew-patrol rounds, they ran into a very confused first-year.

"Hey, munchkin! Curfew was fifteen minutes ago," James called. The kid turned and his eyes widened. "What are you doing?"

"Be nice," Lily hissed as they approached him.

The boy gulped. "I was just … I had –"

"What's your name?" Lily asked kindly.

"Evan Grouter," he whispered.

"What were you doing after hours, Evan?"

He looked between the two of them, and then decided to speak directly to Lily. "I was getting tutored f-for Charms, and when I was going back to my dormitories, I …the staircase switched and I got lost."

"What House are you?"

"Ravenclaw."

James sighed. "Do you know where you're going now?"

Evan nodded hurriedly.

"Then go on. It'll just be a warning this time."

"Thanks," he muttered, and took off down the hall.

James watched him fondly as he went. "I always wanted a little brother."

Lily snorted. "Yeah, I can see you have a talent with kids. 'Munchkin'?"

James grinned. "See, if I had experience, I would be better at communicating with the midgets." They continued to walk. "My parents had me when they were older, so I never got the sibling I wanted."

Lily was being very quiet, so he looked at her. "What about you?"

A bitter smile crept over her face, looking out of place on her usually gentle countenance. "I have an older sister."

When she didn't say anymore, James chuckled. "What's wrong with her? You don't seem too happy about it."

"Actually, it's what's wrong with me." She said with a regretful laugh.

"Nah. You're perfect."

"Flattering, Potter." Her tone was sarcastic, but the bitterness of her smile faded slightly. She looked up at him and saw the sweetness in his hazel eyes.

"Really, Evans, what's your sister like?"

"She's ...the opposite of me in just about every way." Lily said dryly. "Petunia has hated me ever since I got the letter from Hogwarts." She suddenly laughed mirthlessly. "Her favorite word for me is 'freak.'"

James was looking intently at the floor as they walked. "What do you do?"

Lily looked at him in confusion.

"I mean, do you hate her too? Are you nice to her?"

"I don't hate her," she answered slowly, "we used to be close. I can't even remember how that was anymore, and…"

James looked up. "And what?"

Lily swallowed. "Nothing. And nothing." She didn't know what had made her do that, spill her guts to Potter of all people. "It's pretty simple. We stay out of each other's way."

James frowned and looked as if he was about to say something, but closed his mouth again. They had come to the Gryffindor common room. Lily headed straight off to the stairs. "'Night, Potter."

He waved vaguely at her and she turned away. When she was halfway up the stairs she heard him call her name.

"She was jealous, right?"

It was a simple, granted insightful, question, but Lily felt a strange warmth spread around her whole body. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry," he said simply.

Suddenly, Lily felt her throat burning. "Me too," she said as evenly as she could. Then she climbed the rest of the staircase, leaving him standing there.

#################################################################################################

When Lily's form had disappeared up the stairs, James ran a hand through his hair and went to his own dormitories. He quickly changed and with a sigh, slumped on top of his bed, sprawled out over the covers. Sirius' head came up slightly from his slumber as James hit the mattress.

"Golden Boy duties over with?"

James didn't even look at him. "Shut it, Pad."

Now Sirius pulled himself up into a sitting position. "Testy, mate? That can only mean one thing."

James turned onto his stomach and pouted. "No."

"Evans is sore with you?"

James didn't say anything at first. "Well ...no. She's ...she's driving me mad!" He slammed his fist against the bed to punctuate his words.

Sirius looked amused. "And what else is new?"

Remus groaned across from then. "Are you two gonna keep me up all night to talk about Lily?"

Sirius glared. "Maybe you should stop complaining, Moony, and give me a hand."

"With what? Lily spends most of her time being irritated with James. She'll come 'round eventually."

"She's not irritated with me, alright?" James nearly yelled. "I actually finally got her to talk with me, really talk, and it was good ...in a way. Then she ...I don't know, she got this look on her face and everything went back to the way it was."

Sirius frowned. "I don't get it."

Remus leaned forward, very awake. "What did you get her to talk about?"

"Her family, her sister mostly. She almost got like, emotional and stuff. Then she stopped and practically ran away from me," James said miserably.

Remus actually looked very impressed. "Prongs, you can't expect her to get all weepy on you. She's not that kind of girl."

Sirius smirked playfully. "Moony's right, Lily is a very nice girl." He put emphasis on the word 'very.'

James sat up. "What do you mean, she's a 'very nice' girl? That has nothing to do with anything."

Sirius laughed at James' careful expression. "Relax, I was joking around. Personally, I think you've made quite a breakthrough."

Remus nodded. "I'd have to agree, James."

James looked thoughtful as he turned his gaze to the ceiling. "I think that's what's making me mental. She was never so…real with me before, and I think it scared her."

Remus smiled. "I wouldn't worry about it, mate." James felt better after talking to Moony; he knew Lily better than the other Marauders.

Sirius was shaking his head. "I honestly don't know how you put up with all this girl stuff and feelings! It's easier to just have some fun. How can you be so patient with Evans? I'm honestly amazed at you, Prongs. You're a better man than me."

"I already knew that, Padfoot."

As the other two laughed, Sirius hurled a pillow at his best friend. "You're such a wanker, James!" He was grinning. "Now stop whining and let the rest of us get some sleep!"

Muttering to themselves, they turned off the lights and went to bed.

########################################################################################

The next day, as Transfiguration came to an end, Professor McGonagall looked up from her desk. "Potter, I need the Gryffindor Quidditch Team roster in my office by the end of the week."

"You'll have it, Professor. Try-outs are tomorrow night." James said as he and Sirius walked towards the door. She gave him a thin smile.

"I was dearly hoping to keep hold of the cup this year, Potter. After Professor Slughorn has had it on display for three years before that, I want to have a nice streak."

James smiled. "If I can help it, we'll keep it for the next year at least."

Lily grimaced as she walked past Potter and out of the classroom. She liked Quidditch as much as the next wizard, but the first match was in over a month! The obsession that some people had was just ridiculous. She was so absorbed in her thoughts, that she didn't notice where she was going and ended up directly in the path of Severus Snape. She looked up and then rolled her eyes.

"Excuse me," she muttered, trying to move past him. His black eyes were studying her in a way that made her uncomfortable, but at the same time, they were timid.

"Lily," he breathed, as if he were in awe.

"Let me through, Snape." The use of his surname seemed to have a shock effect on him. His face hardened, but his eyes were still pleading. She finally let out an impatient breath and pushed past him.

Suddenly his hand was on her arm. "Wait!"

She angrily wrenched it away from him. "Get off of me!"

"Can't we just –"

"We have nothing to talk about."

"Is there a problem?" A different voice asked. Lily turned to see Sirius standing there, his muscled arms crossed over his chest. Snape's eyes glazed over with loathing.

"Stay out of it, Black."

"It looked to me like the lady was trying to get away from you, Snivellus," Sirius snarled. "I suggest you take your hands off her and let her pass."

"This doesn't concern you, Black! Go somewhere where you're actually wanted, if any place like that exists," as he dropped Lily's arm, his eyes gleamed maliciously. "Last I heard, your own family disowned you."

Sirius' eyes were black with rage as he stormed forward, but Lily put herself between them. People were starting to stop and watch. "Shut up, Snape!" Lily said angrily. "We're done here."

Sirius looked murderous as Maggie slipped up behind him. "He's not worth it, Black." For a moment, Lily swore that Sirius was going to jump on Snape, but instead he looked at the two girls.

"Let's go," he said roughly, leading Maggie and Lily away. The disappointed crowd dispersed before any teachers became suspicious.

"You shouldn't let him get a rise out of you," Maggie said matter-of-factly.

Sirius blew air hard out of his nostrils. "One of these days..."

Lily looked up at him anxiously. "My class is just around this corner, okay? Thanks for helping me back there." Sirius broke out of his reverie and seemed to realize that he had to go to class as well.

"Right. No problem," the corners of his mouth went up a little. "I'll see you around." When he looked expectantly at Maggie, she shrugged.

"I'm going this way too," she said, nodding to the west staircase. He followed her, not really interested in company.

They were silent for a couple of minutes and then Maggie said, "About what Snape said earlier about –"

"It's a long story that I can't really tell here," he said, gesturing to the corridor. "But it's pretty much exactly what he said." He tried to make his tone flippant, but it came out in a forced calm.

Maggie knew better than to keep on the subject. "Oh." They walked now in a more awkward quiet until they had to part. She waved to him. "Later."

Sirius nodded and grinned at her. When she was gone, he marched down the hallway, his rage back as strong as before. Snivellus was going to pay dearly for trying to air out his dirty laundry. He would show him how dangerous it was to take up against Sirius Black.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own about nothing.

A/N: This is the slightest bit AU, because I have the Snape not knowing about Remus being a werewolf yet for my own purposes. Though it shouldn't be long now ;). Also, I know that James was really a Chaser according to JK Rowling (who is the boss), but I decided to go the movie route on that one. If you can offer any comments or criticisms, please REVIEW! I would really really appreciate it!

Chapter 6:

"Another disappearance, it's a Muggle-born that worked at the Ministry- the Department of Magical Law Enforcement." Kate said soberly at breakfast. She tossed the newspaper to Remus who was holding out his hand for it.

Anise was biting her lip. "It's like everything just keeps getting worse and worse. People are beginning to say that he is unstoppable."

Lily looked uncomfortable. "That can't be true. Dumbledore is still around." They all cast glances at the Headmaster, who was drinking tea with a grave look on his face.

James' jaw was set. "I agree. Don't you wonder why that coward hasn't challenged Dumbledore, hasn't tried to get him out of the way? He's afraid. He's been hiding behind his Death Eaters ever since he started off."

Peter was biting his lip. "But he must be powerful, or no one would be following him."

"I'm not saying that he isn't. All I'm saying is that it isn't hopeless yet. I wish everybody would stop talking like we don't have a chance."

Lily looked apprehensive. "And how many more will have to die before he's stopped? That's what matters to me. It doesn't matter how vain You-Know-Who's cause is, if it means lives."

James frowned at her. "Say Voldemort."

Anise, Peter, and Maggie gasped at the name. Lily tilted her head curiously. "Why?"

"He's not so great that his name can't be spoken. We only make him more than he is by refusing to say his name."

Lily didn't break eye contact with James as she opened her mouth. "Voldemort." He smiled slowly, and there was something in the intensity of their stare that left the others feeling like they were intruding.

After a beat, Sirius matched James' expression. "So, Evans has guts. You just got a lot more interesting."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Like he said, it's just a name, a stupid name at that. Who would want to be called Lord Voldemort?"

"A psychotic murderer with cronies," Maggie chimed in.

After finishing breakfast, they stood and went their separate ways. All of the Marauders had Care of Magical Creatures. As they walked around the grounds, Sirius was practically bouncing with excitement. "What's got you happy, Padfoot?" James asked.

"Full moon, that's what. In a week. I need something to liven me up."

Remus sighed. "You can look forward to it. Me, on the other hand…"

Sirius clapped him on the back. "We'll keep you company, Moony."

"When you can."

"We have to be more careful," James warned. "Last time, Lily noticed that gash on my arm."

His best friend threw his arm around his neck. "And the little woman mustn't know what the men get up to when the sun goes down." He said with mock seriousness.

James shoved him away. "That's right."

Remus was studying Sirius carefully. "What gotten into you? You've never been this excited for the full moon."

He shrugged. "It's the first time I've ever thought of all the possibilities when we're …you know. All of the opportunities."

James raised his eyebrows, catching the hint, but said nothing. Sirius seemed to be on the top of the world and nothing was going to crash him.

#################################################################################################

James scanned the possible recruits for the Quidditch team. He needed a Chaser and two Beaters. Luckily, there were many returning players this year. Rachel Styak and Cora Collins were two sixth-year Chasers and best friends. They had an incredible feel for each other's play and the only thing James really needed to worry about was making sure that the other Chaser wasn't left out of the game. Keeper Jack Conrad was a fourth-year that had nerves of steel. His best games were the ones when he needed to come up big for the team. He was unshakeable and quiet; nice, but not the most personable guy. And of course, James himself was Seeker and Captain.

He looked out to the stands and saw several giggling girls who waved boldly at him. His heart sunk when he realized that Lily wasn't there. Of course, that shouldn't really matter. He didn't ask her to come and he wasn't trying out. He didn't know why it was bothering him.

"All right. I want to try for the Beaters first, so if you are here to be a Chaser, step off to the side." He was left with about eight people.

James immediately eliminated some weak little second-years after seeing that they could barely lift the beater's bat. After trying out some muscled fifth-years, he decided on Keith McLaggen, who could aim and sent one of the bludgers from one end of the pitch to the other. Joseph Holt moved well on a broom and proved that he could whack a bludger well from any and all positions, which would prove useful in emergencies.

More people tried out for Chaser, and the sun was almost set before James finally chose. Alexander Knight was a seventh-year that had been a reserve. He was good-looking which could be a very good thing or a very bad thing where Cora and Rachel were concerned. He didn't want them distracted, but he also hoped that they would be more inclined to include him.

After giving his new team a tradition pre-season pep talk, he mapped out a training schedule and dismissed them. Sirius met him at the edge of the pitch and walked with him to McGonagall's office to drop off the roster of players.

"I hate doing the stupid curfew rounds. We never see anyone out. Sometimes I just wish I could see some action, no matter how pathetic. There's no point in be able to write out detentions if there's no reason to." They were walking back to the common room after McGonagall's. James was complaining about patrolling, just like he complained about everything to do with being Head Boy.

Bored, Sirius cleared his throat. "Speaking of wandering around in the halls, yesterday Snivellus was harassing Lily between classes."

Predictably, James was set on edge. "Why, in the name of Merlin, would he do that?"

Sirius shook his head. "I dunno. She was trying to leave when I got there and told him to go leave a slime trail somewhere else."

James was practically growling. "That unbelievable git. He needs to know that he can't be within ten feet of Evans. He thought it was bad all those other years, he has no idea."

"We'll take care of him, Prongs," Sirius soothed. "Just have to wait for the right time. Veela," he said to the Fat Lady.

"I'm not a patient guy." James said as the portrait hole opened.

"Neither am I. Just trust me, mate."

"With my life, Padfoot. You know that."

As Professor Slughorn walked around the Slytherin's side of the room, observing their potions, Lily turned to James.

"I need your help."

"With what?" He was smiling and it annoyed her.

"Transfiguration," she muttered.

He snorted. "Oh, what's the problem?"

"It's not funny, Potter! I can't do that Animal Apparition thing."

"And you're asking me because…?" He knew why, but he wanted her to say it and give him a compliment for once, even if under coercion.

"You know you're talented at Transfiguration, you don't need me to tell you that," she answered briskly. "So, will you teach me?"

Slughorn walked by at that moment, so they both pretended to be poring over their ingredients. When he left again, James leaned in. "You don't even have to ask. I'm always happy to share my expertise."

Her smile faded the smallest bit at the last part. "You never quit while you're ahead, do you Potter?"

"I'm not cut out for quitting, Evans."

As he turned back to his half-done potion, Remus and Sirius both gave him grins. They knew that James would go for anything that could get him closer to Lily.

Now, he had to move quickly. He had always done fairly well in Potions, but that didn't mean that he had time to fool around and waste precious time during class. The end result was one of his worst efforts, but one bad class really didn't bother him.

When the end of class sounded, James noticed Snape staring at Lily and his blood pressure shot up. Naturally, he couldn't attack Snape just for looking at her, but he lingered a little to keep an eye on her. Sirius gave him an interrogatory look before taking the hint and going on without him. As James predicted, once Lily was out of the classroom, he saw Snape gesturing for her attention in a deserted little alcove.

################################################################################################

As Lily ran into Snape for the second time in two weeks, she was beginning to think that it was really too much.

"I don't know what you're hoping to prove by bothering me, but I can tell you that you'll be really disappointed."

"I'm not trying to be your friend again; I'm not stupid enough to think that you would be." Snape was talking very fast, and his eyes were filled with the same pleading that she had seen last time. "That doesn't mean I won't try to protect you."

"What are you talking about? Get to the point or I'm gone," she snapped.

He looked to the side to see if anyone was around and then stepped into Lily. "I want to know what you're thinking."

Lily was ready to kill him, she was so annoyed. "I thought I told you enough with the riddles!"

Now he looked annoyed. "When we talked about James Potter, you told me –"

"This is about him? This is about your petty vendetta!" She was almost screaming. "I'm not going to listen to this anymore, and frankly, it's none of your bloody business."

Snape's pale face lost the little color it had as he desperately tried to cling to the conversation. "You lied to me!" Lily shook her head without any interest and turned to leave. "Don't you walk away from me!"

"Don't you talk to her," said a cold voice. James was standing at the frame of the door, shaking with quiet rage. "Don't even look at her!"

Snape knew that if he fell into Potter's goading, he would be proving Lily right, but he couldn't contain himself. "Or what?" he demanded, drawing his wand. James was more than happy to bring his own out.

"No!" Lily cried.

James let out a hard, cruel laugh. "I thought you had learned, Snivellus, but I guess pathetic slugs never do."

Snape's eyes filled with loathing like Lily had never seen as he raised his arm. And James, instead of challenging Snape with his own wand, threw his arm up into Snape's and knocked the Slytherin's only weapon out of his hand. The wand spun about four feet away and James thrust his wand into Snape's neck. Lily took a step forward and grasped James' arm, but it didn't seem like he noticed.

"I was willing to let everything be," James said. "You brought her into this."

Lily felt her heart quicken because she knew he meant her, as if he was laying everything at her feet in that moment. She tried tugging on his arm, but it made no difference. Snape's eyes drifted to her, watching the way she clung to his hated enemy rather than seeing her trying to save him.

"It's too easy," James breathed as he pushed the wand harder against Snape's neck.

"Stop!" Lily cried. She brought her mouth to James' ear. "Please don't do this. Walk away."

He made a groan of resistance. Snape eyed them with a strange calm for someone at the mercy of his rival. "I'm asking you to stop," this time she spoke with more directness, as if she could command him. It seemed to be the right approach, because he stepped back and let Snape go with a shove.

"You're lucky Evans was here," James said. Lily had let go of him immediately after he had obeyed her. The familiarity of his words brought others to her mind.

"He doesn't need help from Mudbloods like me. Do you, Snape?"

Snape flinched as if struck. She saw a flash of actual pain in his eyes before he covered them over with something more generic. For the smallest second, she wanted to take her words back almost as much as she wished Snape had never uttered them in the first place.

James could have spit nails he was so angry, and Lily wondered for the first time what exactly had made him so mad. "Get out of here, or I'll –"

"Save your threats," Snape said sharply. "This is futile anyway." He glared at the two of them as he picked up his wand and stalked off.

When he left, Lily and James both turned on each other. "What was that about?" they demanded in unison.

"Why did you go berserk on him?"

"Why were you even talking to him?"

They stared at each other in heated silence until Lily's eyes fell to James' limp wand hand. It was still dangling at his side, unused. "You didn't hurt him," she said quietly.

He shrugged coolly. "Why not?" She was truly curious.

His mood was enflamed again. "You know why not, Lily!" The way he was looking at her made her feel vulnerable, like he could see right through her. "I've been more than obvious."

She swallowed. "Okay. Then why did you attack him in the first place."

His eyes clouded over. "Sirius told me about how he has been after you, following you around."

She narrowed her eyes. "Sirius was exaggerating. Snape tried to talk to me one other time besides today and it was taken care of. You practically ripped his head off over that?"

James' jaw clenched. "He shouldn't be talking to you. Especially during this ...these times. Slytherins, the whole lot of them, are dangerous. Three quarters of them, at least, are looking to rid the world of Muggle-borns. And you were just chatting it up with one of their finest."

Lily raised her eyebrows, knowing that what he said was true, whether or not it had anything to do with what just happened. "So it's not because he's Snape?"

"No." He sighed. "It may have had a little to do with it."

"Well," she leaned back against the wall, her mouth open slightly. "I can't believe you." There was no accusation in her tone, just soft surprise.

"Neither can I." He said as she slid down the wall. It was late afternoon and classes were over for the day, so they had time, and surprisingly, she wanted time with him.

"What are you thinking?" She looked up to see him sitting across from her on the opposite wall. Her mouth went dry.

"I'm thinking of what you would have done to him three years ago, even one or two years ago really."

James' mouth was a thin line. "I would have cursed him within an inch of his life."

"And now?"

He smirked. "Now I'm in the hero business."

Lily snorted. "Please. I could have handled myself fine and much cleaner without you."

"Well I guess we'll never know, will we?"

She laughed. "Oh, I know." He laughed with her, and she studied his face. The way his eyes crinkled up and he smiled so wide she could see all of his teeth. "You are actually a pretty good guy, Potter."

James suddenly clutched at his heart and went limp. "What's wrong?" Lily cried in panic, edging over to his limp body.

James opened an eye and looked up at her. "I think I've died."

She kicked him furiously. "What's wrong with you?" He chuckled as she grabbed her bag to leave. "I take it back, you're awful!"

James scrambled up after her. "Aw, Lilykins! I was just joking! You know you meant every word!" As they left they abandoned corridor she spun on him.

"Don't talk to me!" Their voices eventually faded from the hall, still bantering back and forth. Snape had been listening to them around the corner and he was livid. He knew he had no right, but a feeling of betrayal rose up in his chest. But that didn't matter because he wasn't going to allow this to happen. Lily Evans could not fall in love with James Potter, it wasn't the way it was supposed to be, and Snape was going to fix it.

######################################################################################################

Padfoot's ears perked up slightly as he raised his head and looked around. Moony was curled into a ball in the corner, asleep. From this angle, he looked like a massive gray fur ball with teeth. Prongs had his legs folded under him as he sat by the old armchair and Wormtail was curled up on his back. They had run through the Forbidden Forest and up to the cave with wild abandon. The adrenaline rush was phenomenal as they sprinted alongside each other, knowing that they were utterly alone.

Moony whimpered a little in his sleep. He had begun snarling on their way back, and Padfoot and Prongs had to keep him in check. He was exhausted by the time they had returned to the Shrieking Shack and had immediately drifted off. The others could have gone, but they all were afraid to lose the amazing feeling of togetherness and complacency.

Sirius couldn't really describe the power that they felt when they were together as animals. It was probably why they even attempted something as dangerous as running around with a werewolf. The danger and the simplicity caused an intense bond to emerge; that they were everything to each other in these moments. They fought for and with each other in a much more profound way. It was depressing to leave it and go back where things were complicated and crowded, so they stayed and pretended it could always be this way.

It would explain why Sirius would not, under any circumstances, allow anyone to intrude on them and crush this sacred place they had created. Snape knew too much, he had more than proved that with his unexplainable knowledge of Sirius' home life. Sirius could see it in the way that Snape looked at Remus after the full moon, and those none-too-subtle hints.

Most importantly, he was trying to destroy what James was working for. James was Sirius' brother in every way that counted and Sirius refused to fail him. If Snape wanted to know the truth so badly, Sirius would give him the clues he needed. It wouldn't end well for Snape; that was a guarantee. One month was a long time, but Sirius could wait for something this imperative. One less Death Eater-to-be would leave them all better off.

Prongs was looking at him now, his eyes soft in question. Padfoot pulled his lips back in reassurance and they reluctantly climbed to their feet. Before they could give it a second thought, they bounded out into the night off to the castle. Sirius could put his mind at ease now; everything would be fine.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, really.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And please, review some more, it really helps when you guys do that. I get to know what you think. Please enjoy the story!

Chapter 7:

At the end of the week, James dragged himself back to the common room to find Lily waiting in an armchair. "You weren't here for –"

"I know."

Lily raised her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation. When he walked by her, offering her none, she followed him. "Well, why weren't you?"

James turned around and looked at her for a moment, he looked tired and worse for wear. "I had to do something else."

"Something else? Like what?"

James threw his hands up. "You don't need to worry about it. It was taken care of."

She squinted at him like she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I'm not worried, Potter. But I am annoyed. Really annoyed." He tried to walk away, but she pulled him back. "What's with you? You can't just ditch the curfew patrol when you feel like it."

James' hands clenched and unclenched. "That's not what I'm doing."

"How would I know? You don't tell me anything!" She knew that he was losing patience, but if he stopped his Head Boy duties, she would have to shoulder all of the responsibility.

"It's not going to happen again!" He yelled. Her eyes widened in surprise and he looked slightly apologetic. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Look, I'll see you tomorrow," he mumbled before heading off to the boy's dormitories.

She watched him, and barely had time to collect herself when Kate came up behind her. "That was some show."

Lily sighed and glared at her friend. "You heard that?"

"I was innocently doing my Transfiguration homework when the two of you started arguing like the suffering wife and cheating husband." Kate grinned.

"Hysterical, Kate."

She laughed. "Lighten up. So, Potter was irritated with you. It's bound to happen."

Lily scoffed. "That's not why I was upset. Potter didn't show up for Head duties, and I'm not going to let him slack off."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Lil. C'mon, lets go up to bed," she said, grabbing Lily's hand.

"None of the Marauders were around tonight if it makes you feel better."

"It doesn't. And how do you even know that? Looking for someone in particular?"

"Not at all."

##########################################################################################

"Good to have you back, mate," James clapped Remus on the back as he entered the dormitories. It was the middle of the day, and James was the only one around.

Remus stretched his arms over his head and slumped on his bed. "I feel good. What did I miss?"

James laughed. "All morning classes."

Remus smiled mischievously. "I wanted a break for once."

"Moony ditching classes, I thought I'd never see the day."

"Miracles happen." He looked around the room for the first time. "Where's Pad and Wormtail?"

"They had Care of Magical Creatures, remember? Sirius is really into that Ravenclaw chick," James laughed.

"You mean as into a girl as Sirius can get," Remus corrected.

James shrugged. "Well yeah."

"How does he do that? I mean, just act so detached with girls, I don't get it."

"Don't you mean, how can he not do that? I swear, Moony, you're one-of-a-kind."

"You're right about that," Remus said darkly, laying on his side. "And what are you talking about? You've been pining for Lily Evans since puberty, and you're asking me how why _I_ am not inclined to be a womanizer?"

"You know I've dated," James answered nonchalantly. "And it didn't really mean anything, but what can I say, I met the girl meant for me early in life."

His friend grinned. "Try telling her that." James threw a pillow at him.

"Stop turning this on me. I have been wondering this for a while, though." Remus sensed what he was going to ask and immediately stiffened. James continued cautiously. "Why haven't you ...I mean, don't you want to date, or ...be in a relationship? You haven't really shown any interest in it, and I wondered …"James eyes suddenly widened. "Wait, are you –"

"No!" Remus shouted immediately in horror. He shook his head and sighed. "I would think that would have been obvious."

The atmosphere immediately sobered. James said nothing, just watched his worn-out friend's face. Remus pushed himself up against the headboard. "I'm not trying to be dramatic, but there are simple facts. I'm dangerous, Prongs, you know that better than almost anyone. I would never willingly put anyone through what my life is."

James gave him a sad smile. Typical Moony; wise beyond his years, careful, and honest. It killed James to see Remus already decided that he would have to be deprived of any kind of real life. But, how could he argue with his friend's logic?

"Remus," he said slowly, "you don't have to..." he trailed off, not knowing what to say.

Remus put up a hand. "Don't. It might shock you, but I've thought about this a lot, and I'm sure that I'm right. This is the way it has to be," he said simply. He looked down bitterly. "I can't hurt anyone."

At that moment, Sirius and Peter entered the room, toting their books. James looked up and gave them a relaxed smile. "Hey, how did it go with Lady Ravenclaw?"

Sirius frowned in confusion and then realization appeared on his face. "Oh, her. Keep up with the times, Prongs, I'm not into her anymore."

James smirked at Remus. "No, of course not."

Sirius looked between them. "What's so funny?"

They immediately stopped their laughter and looked seriously at their shaggy-haired friend. "Not everything is a joke, Padfoot. Blimey!"

Sirius' eyes were jumping from one to the other in utter confusion. "W-what? No, but you –" he sputtered. "I didn't ... I'm so lost!"

James and Remus were rolling on the floor howling with laughter. Not only because it was funny, but it was a relief to be able to smile when so much lay unspoken between them. James would much rather laugh than attempt to convince Remus of something that he was set against. But how could he watch one of his greatest friends experience a future destined to be grim and depressing? Laughter was a precious escape.

##############################################################################################

Bellatrix Black was leaning idly against Rodolphus Lestrange's bedpost when Snape pushed open the door of the Slytherin boys' dormitories. He stopped upon seeing her, and then nodded disinterestedly. "What brings you here, Bella?"

She raised her eyebrows suggestively. "Like you don't know." She followed Snape to his own bed. "So where is he?"

"I'm not your boyfriend's keeper."

She crinkled her nose. "Don't say that."

"Why?"

"Because usually people that say they are not someone's keeper are exactly that. Maybe you should keep that in mind."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Sure." He wasn't in the mood for this beautiful but absolutely insane girl. "Did you check the common room?"

"Trust me, we were suppose to meet here. What we were planning to do just can't be done in the common room; considered poor social form, and I'm not kinky like that."

"Shut up!"

"What's the matter, Sevvie? Uncomfortable with things like sex? Maybe you could pay a girl to–"

"You're such a bitch!"

"Deal with it. It's part of my charm." She peered over his shoulder to his school books. "What are you working on?"

"None of your business."

"Is it another spell?" She was grinning maliciously when he looked up. It was the one and only reason he put up with her. He would teach her the spells he created, because she was not only capable of Dark Magic, she was incredible with it. There was something off about Bellatrix that gave her ability that any of her peers would die for. He had watched her with his spells. It was almost artistic the way she would command any spell to be twice as effective as anyone else who tried it. Snape knew how she did it. Part of him was disgusted with her; the other part had an inexplicable envy. He shared his spells with her because her spirit was essentially evil, more so than most people knew, and he wanted to see just how powerful his spells were and just how far they could be taken. If Bellatrix Black knew anything, it was how to push the limits, and that was simple because she had no compunction to be good.

Snape himself knew that he was conflicted at times, but that side of him had faded into the backdrop drastically ever since he had ruined his friendship with Lily. Still, he didn't have the complete surrender to the Dark side that Bella had.

"No, but I'm developing one now. I'll tell you when it's finished." He just wanted her to go away. It was unnerving to be around Bella for too long; it was the feeling of constantly holding yourself back from the edge of something frightening, or too good to be true.

Bella seemed to sense his thoughts because she leaned in uncomfortably close. He twitched away like she was a mosquito. "I'm sure if you actually looked for Lestrange, you would find him."

She ignored him. "What's holding you back, Snape?"

Something fearful gripped him, but he feigned nonchalance. "What are you on about?"

She pushed away from the bed and strode in front of him, so she could force him to see her. Snape knew she operated on control and presence. He had never met someone so power-hungry. "Don't pretend you don't understand! I know you are far cleverer than most people would guess, and everyone already thinks you're brainy!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Do you have a point?"

She stared hard at him. "You know what's happening out there." She gestured vaguely towards the window. "The Dark Lord gets more powerful by the day. Purebloods finally have their say; we can finally create the order that we have craved for centuries!"

He turned back to his textbooks. "I know the mission, Bellatrix."

She slammed her hand on the page he was reading. "Then what is holding you back?" He looked up at her slowly. "You must surrender completely to the cause. Do you think the Dark Lord will accept anything but complete loyalty?"

"What are you saying?" He challenged loudly.

"I'm _saying_ that I've noticed that indecision in your eyes sometimes." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Like you're confused for a moment, or afraid to do what needs to be done." She snorted. "And when we were younger, I remember you consorting with that Gryffindor Mudblood."

Snape bit back the hot anger that filled him when she said that word. His face offered nothing; he was too good a liar. "That was long ago. I have much ...cleaner tastes now." He loathed saying it, but he knew that in time it would become second nature. It was already, pretty much... just not with her. He had made his decision during Bella's enlightening speech. He would not grovel; he had lost. And frankly, he didn't want to care anymore. It was easier to do be what he was without a girl who could be nothing but a constant, disappointed conscience.

Bella smiled. "It's for your own good you know."

He gave her an incredulous look. "Don't tell me that you're trying to perform good deeds. I won't believe you."

She considered him for a moment. "You're right. It's really that I would hate to lose your creativity. It's just too useful."

Rodolphus Lestrange took that moment to enter the room. He looked between them through his curtain of greasy blonde hair. "Am I interrupting something?"

Bellatrix favored him with a lazy look after a pause and then walked towards him. "Of course not." He looked hopeful as she approached. Snape watched with disgusted fascination.

Bella stopped in front of her boyfriend and patted his cheek. "And Snape won't be either." She proceeded to push past a shocked Rodolphus, who immediately wiped the smirk off of his face and trailed after her.

"Bella, come on, baby! I'm sorry I was so long, I –"Snape couldn't hear anymore as the door shut behind them.

He shook his head. Bellatrix was many frightening things; crazy, beautiful, soulless, and intelligent. It was a damning combination for anyone who crossed her. But he couldn't bash her now, she may have very well just saved his life.

###############################################################################################

When Lily came out of her Arithmancy class, James was waiting at the door. "We can add stalking to you list of many talents, then?"

He came into step with her as she passed him. "How do you know I wasn't waiting for Moony?" He retorted smartly.

"Because he walked out a couple minutes before I did, and you watched him go." She glared at him when he shrugged. "And if you're really so worried that I will injure your pride, you should stop bothering me."

She was angry now. This wasn't the way he was supposed to do it, but it was like he couldn't stop himself. He gave her a humble smile. "Look, I'm sorry I've been snapping at you lately, it's just…"

She rounded on him. "Just what?"

"Ahh... I've had a lot on my mind, with Quidditch, and classes, and Head stuff. It's hard to keep up and I'm getting impatient, you know?"

"Maybe. But I think you're leaving something out."

He scoffed. "And what would that be?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't know. But I can see it in your eyes." His eyes were hazel, with little flecks of gold when the light hit... she was digressing. "Nervous?" She challenged.

He held his hands up in surrender. "I don't have anything to hide."

"We'll see, Potter." She almost smiled then. His heart jumped a little.

"So you accept my apology?"

Lily frowned. "You apologized?"

"Yeah. In the beginning."

"Oh. I had forgotten after you made all of those lame excuses."

"They aren't lame, Evans. They are perfectly legitimate."

"Says you."

"And who else matters?" He asked with a grin. With a groan of disgust, she took off in the other direction. He grabbed her arm, chuckling.

"I was kidding!" She yanked her arm away, muttering 'idiot' under her breath, but she didn't walk away. "So I'll see you tonight at curfew?"

"You had better," she growled. "Or I'll have you replaced."

"Then it's a date."

She sighed. "For want of a better word, yes."

He smiled and beckoned her. "Come on, we have to get to Potions."

They walked together companionably to the dungeons. Lily was mildly surprised that Potter had apologized to her. Really, he only owed her an apology and an explanation for missing curfew patrol. But he had said he was sorry for being short with her, like he had to uphold a relationship with her. That possibility frightened her a bit. What was worse was that she had wanted, more than that, expected an apology from him. When had she suddenly plunged into this…whatever it was, between them? And she would never admit this to anyone, but she did wonder what mysterious things he was doing at night when she should have cared less.

############################################################################################

October came upon them quickly, dispensing with days of sun for overcast skies and a heavy chill. The homework load was becoming unbearable and soon the Gryffindor common room was filled until two in the morning with barely-awake sixth and seventh years. It wasn't uncommon to find Anise, Peter, and Maggie (procrastinators by nature) slumped over some work due the next day. Lily honestly had no idea how Sirius and James managed to get by when they turned in approximately half of their assignments. Life just wasn't fair.

Some nights, when Lily was struggling with her Transfiguration work, she would see James lounging in an armchair staring at the fire or idly tossing a stolen Snitch. She would hear that shrill whistle from the Snitch that made her want to rip her hair out and she'd find herself yelling at him. He would simply stand up and look at her books fanned out around her.

"Need help?"

She couldn't exactly refuse because her marks were actually important to her. He could usually pinpoint her problem and have her doing everything right within an hour. One night, when she was feeling especially light-hearted, she was laughing with him and said, "If I didn't know better, I'd say that you stay up just to tutor me in Transfiguration."

He stopped laughing and turned to her. "And if I do?" His eyes were soft as he gave her an appraising look. She blushed unwillingly.

"I'd say you have too much time on your hands," she told him with a smile.

He smirked. "If I didn't know any better, Evans, I'd say you're were almost flirting with me."

"And if I was?" She said it before she could think twice and immediately wanted to take it back. She made a mental note to be more careful around Potter, this word vomit-thing she had around him was not doing her any favors.

"Honestly, Evans?" His eyes were lit up in jubilation. "I wouldn't know what to do with myself." He got up to head upstairs. "I'd say you should be sure of what you're doing." He left her then to stew over the fact that he had read everything into that exchange she didn't want him to.

#############################################################################################

"What in bloody hell are you doing here?" Sirius was in the library, flipping absentmindedly through an old Potions textbook. He closed it as Snape approached.

Sirius' nose crinkled in disgust at the musty smell of the bookshelves. "I don't know how you stand this place, Snivellus. It's a crypt for the socially inept," his eyes flickered over to Snape's form and he bark out laughter, "Oh wait."

The air was thick with mutual hatred. "What do you want, Black? To dual me with no witnesses like the coward that you are?"

"It's only unfair if you're outmanned, or whatever species you happen to be." Snape drew his wand and Sirius put up a hand.

"Relax, Snivellus. I came to warn you."

"What?" He didn't lower his wand. Sirius looked at it without reacting.

"You think you're so clever with your theories, right? Well I'm here to tell you that if you don't give it up, you're likely to bite off more than you can chew if you catch my drift."

Snape fixed him with a glare. "I know what you and your stupid friends are up to. I'm not afraid of your pathetic threats."

"Really? You've never had the guts to follow us while we get up to all kinds of dastardly deeds. This is what you think, right?"

"I know what he is."

"No you don't."

"He's gone every full –"

"Prove it."

Snape opened his mouth and closed it again. Sirius gave him a feral grin. "That's right, Snivellus. No one will believe you. You're already a bloody freak show. The whole school will think it's just another insane rant."

"I'll get proof, Black. Don't worry about that."

Sirius snorted. "Even if you tried, you couldn't push that knot behind the Whomping Will –"He stopped abruptly and Snape leaned forward.

"The Whomping Willow?"

Sirius look at him for a long moment with widened eyes and then let out a soft laugh. "It doesn't matter, you don't have the mettle to follow through. It's pathetic, really." He shrugged and turned to leave. "I don't know why I even came to warn you. But watch your step, Snivelly." He disappeared behind another row of shelves.

Snape's mind was working frantically. He calculated the next full moon; four days. He knew Sirius was too stupid for his own good, he had given Snape the final clue. This was too perfect; Snape would out them to the entire school. Lupin was a werewolf and his friends illegally fooled around with him when he was changed. He could get them all expelled. He was sure the Whomping Willow held some proof inside, he just had to find it.

A feeling of glee like nothing Snape had ever experienced rose in his chest. This was the final piece of the puzzle. They would all be so sorry that they ever made Snape out to be a fool, and Lily would be sorry that she trusted her precious Potter.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: It's all J.K. Rowling's, except for the stuff that isn't hers.

A/N: I am aware that this incident did NOT occur in LJ's seventh year, so I messed with the timeline if you will. I felt that it could be used for some more development in my story, so I changed it. So please don't be confused. And reviews are great!

Chapter 8:

"In 1644, the invasion of dark wizard, Alberigh of Norway, into neutral—"

"Are we going out tonight?" Peter Pettigrew hissed excitedly to his friends. Sirius was watching Maggie braid Lily's hair over and over again. Lily's eyes were closed contentedly as Professor Binns droned on. Every now and then, Sirius would flick his wand and a strand of Lily's dark red hair would fly out of its neat plait. James would snicker and Maggie would glare halfheartedly at Sirius before beginning the process anew. Remus had his head buried in his arms; it was the first night of the full moon and he was, of course, feeling ill.

As Peter finished his question, Sirius sat bolt upright and turned to look at his friend. There was something in his eyes akin to panic, but the next moment it was gone.

"Are you thick, Wormtail? Moony is always worst the first night, and I'm not planning to be around to watch your furry little ass when he decides to have a rat snack!"

"Shhh!" James said immediately, worried that Sirius' voice had risen too high. Peter whimpered and clamped his mouth shut.

"Many wizards considered this reign of terror to rival that of Grindewald's. His death was a result of years of –" When they were sure that no one had overheard, James turned to Peter.

"I have Quidditch practice anyway." Sirius raised his eyebrows a bit before flicking his wand carelessly behind him. A whole portion of Lily's hair was yanked out of the braid and she gasped in surprise. He grinned apologetically when they both gave him looks that shot daggers.

James frowned. "And cool down, Pad. I've never seen you get so worked up over nothing."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm tired of having to explain these things to Worm over and over again. You can deal with it."

"He's got a point, Pete. You need to get it together."

Wormtail nodded meekly and then looked hopeful. "So tomorrow night?"

Remus picked up his head a little. "That would be nice. I'd like the company."

"Sure thing, Moony. And you don't look so good, mate."

Remus shrugged. "I've definitely got at least seven more hours. There's nothing I can do about that." He blinked wearily.

Sirius sighed. "Why don't you just take the day off? You're obviously in no condition to be here."

"I can't miss anymore school, and it's the last class of the day. I'm behind as it is."

Sirius grunted. "Please. I'm way worse off than you."

James looked at him with fake incredulity. "Is that supposed to make him feel better?"

Peter and Remus laughed under their breath as Professor Binns finally dismissed them. "So tomorrow night," James said as they walked down the corridor. The other three nodded in assent and took off in separate directions.

As Sirius walked towards the Great Hall, Maggie jogged up to him. "So are you planning on becoming a hairstylist? I really enjoyed the improvements you were making while I was doing Lily's." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Ha ha," Sirius said as they walked together. "I almost died of boredom in that class, Shaw. Don't deny me my little joys." He looked up. "Where is Lilykins anyway?" As they entered the Great Hall, they were met with a rush of cacophonous voices.

Maggie scowled at the use of the pet name. "Didn't know you cared so much."

Sirius smirked. "Jealous, Shaw? Don't worry, I only want to know so I can tell James. Sometimes stalking is more than a one-person job, if you know what I mean."

"Please, Black. You don't even know what you mean." Kate had turned on the bench of the Gryffindor table as they approached.

"What are you doing here? I thought you had Muggle Studies now," Sirius accused the dark-eyed girl.

Kate rolled her eyes. "It was cancelled, so I came to have an early dinner." She paused and frowned momentarily. "How do you know my schedule?"

"Because, Little Miss Perfect, it's written on practically all of your books," Sirius said smoothly as he sat down.

"But you would have to be literate in order to read my schedule."

"She's got a good point," Maggie put in. Sirius looked between them and sighed, defeated.

"So you win, Jared. Doesn't matter, you're still a midget." He knew that comments about her height set her off, and sure enough, she bristled.

"5'3 is only one inch off the average height of a woman, you git!"

"They only say that to make the vertically-challenged feel better. But don't worry, Jared, you'll always be my favorite mighty mouse!"

Kate's brown curls swung around as she immediately looked up at him with a stonily glare. They stared at one another for a minute and then Kate let out a breath. "As usual, you're barking up the wrong tree, Sirius." She looked at him pointedly, as if hinting at something, but maybe it was his imagination.

He worried for a moment and then regained composure. She couldn't possibly know. But then again, it was quite possible that by the end of the night, everyone would know. His gaze was fixed on her and she pretended not to notice. Finally, she looked up as if surprised to find his eyes on her and gave him a small, secretive smile. He told himself again that she could, in no way, know that he was... It just wasn't feasible. Either way, one sentence from her successfully kept his mouth shut for the rest of the meal.

#############################################################################################

That night, Lily was standing by the portrait hole, fuming. Some of the occupants of the common room were eyeing her warily, probably sensing that she was certain to explode at any minute. She huffed. This was really unbelievable! Did he take his job seriously at all? She was aroused from her violent thoughts when she heard the portrait swing open, only to be disappointed when a burly fifth-year climbed through.

"You're late," she said angrily. "It's been after-hours for twenty minutes."

The guy shrugged apologetically. "The Fat Lady wouldn't let me in and I forgot the password. Just let me off this once."

Lily opened her mouth to refuse his plea for mercy, but then thought better of it. "I will if you can tell me where Potter is."

He looked blankly at her. "How would I know that?"

"Who cares? Do you have an answer or don't you?" The whole common room was watching the exchange and a fourth-year girl came to the boy's aid.

"My friend, Jack Conrad, is the Gryffindor Keeper and he just came back from Quidditch. Maybe James stayed out for a little bit. He is Captain after all."

The fifth-year nodded anxiously. "My buddy, Keith, told me he was hardcore."

Anger bubbled up inside Lily as she stared at the two. "I'm sure that's where he is, thanks." She eyed the tardy guy. "You're off the hook." She didn't even wait to see him sigh in relief as she took off towards the Quidditch pitch.

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James had missed flying. It was one thing to fly during Quidditch practice; there was so much to focus on and to think about and strategize. Then there was flying just for the sake of flying. It was leaving everything behind; pretence and restrictions and complication. It was almost as good as becoming a stag, only far more personal for him. When he was a stag, it was a complete union with his friends; when he was in the air, he was entirely alone.

It was so dark that he could barely see the pitch one hundred feet below. He decided to skim the soft grass, leaning forward on his broom. It was blissful to be so thoughtless. As he streaked from post to post, he let go of his broom and stretched his arms out with a yell.

"Stop shouting, you prat!" James was pulled out of his reverie as he skidded to a halt, almost falling over in surprise. Practically the only thing he could see clearly was Lily's perfect red hair.

He stumbled off his broom, half-embarrassed that she caught him in this private moment. She must've read his mind, because she let out a little laugh.

"What, you think I didn't know you ride your broom like an excitable six-year old when you're alone?" Actually, she was rather impressed with his gifted flying and she appreciated his animation, it made everything look more interesting and smooth. Every touch of his broomstick was skillful.

"Do you have any Seer blood?" She was incredulous at his seemingly random question, when he moved to his next one.

"What are you doing out here anyway?" As soon as it left his lips, his face changed to one of horror. "Oh."

She scowled. "Yeah, oh. Well, that speaks volumes. You didn't ditch on purpose because your job didn't even cross your mind. It doesn't even matter enough for you to think about me!"

He cringed away from her shouting but looked mildly confused at the last bit. "Think about you?"

She had the grace to look embarrassed before she recovered. "You know what I mean! Why you were chosen for Head Boy is so beyond me! You don't care about anyone but yourself and I'm so sick of it!"

He finally made an attempt to defend himself. "Hey, you don't know what it's like when you're up there! I can't help that I don't think about anything, it's what flying does to you!"

"You have an excuse for everything, don't you? You're nothing but one gigantic excuse!"

"Maybe if you stopped insulting me, I could take you up there and show you –" He reached for her hand and she snapped it out of his reach and whack him on the side of his head.

"Ow!" He staggered back a step in astonishment more than the force of her blow. They stared at each other for a long moment, both glaring, the only sounds their heavy breathing.

"That's just like you! We are standing here, yelling at each other and you try to charm me with your stupid broomstick. You make me sick!"

James put a hand tenderly to his head and looked at her like hair had just turned into snakes. "Am I not the one who just got assaulted?"

"You're fine!" She snapped. "And I hate you!" She tried to put as much vehemence into her words as possible, but they came out childish, like she was a petulant little girl.

He thought it was adorable. "Say it again."

This enflamed her fury more. "Don't patronize me, Potter," she said dangerously.

"I'm not; it's just that when you said…" He trailed off and raised his eyes to the starlit sky in exasperation. "I get that you're mad and I'm sorry I wasn't there. Do you really think I would miss patrol on purpose? It's the only time you're forced to be with me." He said it with enough conviction that the corners of her mouth twitched a little. But she fought with her expression tooth-and-nail until she was able to maintain her dark glare.

Too bad he noticed her almost-smile. "I'm sorry, Lilykins. Please forgive me." He dropped to his knees and looked up at her with big, puppy-dog eyes. She laughed unwillingly and the mood lightened.

"Get up," she fisted his untidy hair and pulled him up, and he gasped in pain.

"You're very abusive today," he told her.

"You've had it coming for years." He laughed this time and found himself getting lost in her green eyes. It always struck him when he looked directly at her. Even in the light of the full moon, her green orbs shone brighter than anything else. He was about to move closer to her when he heard footsteps.

##############################################################################################

Snape had been waiting for this night as constantly as he breathed. The excitement was hardly containable as he glided down to the Slytherin common room. As he headed out, Lucius Malfoy turned his head. "Where are you off to, Snape?" He turned to his pale-haired friend, grinning like an idiot.

"I can't say right now, but I'll tell you all about it when I get back." Malfoy could see that whatever it was, it was something big. He leaned back on the black leather couch and threw his arm around Narcissa Black, who was watching disinterestedly.

"I'll wait up." Snape nodded and waved to the two and Avery, who was also sitting around. He was walking fast towards the grounds, his heart pounding in anticipation.

Finally, he stood before the Whomping Willow. The humongous tree twitched its branches threateningly at the pale, skinny boy that dared approach. Snape didn't have time to shrink away, he recalled Sirius' slip and ran over the words in his head.

"Push the knot…" he whispered, inspecting the tree. His eyes combed the tree until he saw a little but obvious gnarled nub along the base of the trunk. For a moment, he celebrated silently, and then cursed. He couldn't reach the damn thing without getting walloped by one of the branches.

He scanned the ground methodically until he saw an unusually long stick a couple feet to his left. "Yes," he breathed, grasping it in hand. He extended his arm, leaning forward on his toes to reach the knot. He had to jump back with a yelp when a sensitive limb swiped at him and the stick.

Snape inhaled deeply a couple times before trying again. This time, he backed up an inch and carefully prodded the knot. When he did so, the tree suddenly froze, not even the wind rustled its stillness. Snape took a tentative step forward, watching one of the thicker branches warily. Nothing happened. He let out a silent woop and jumped up and down like a monkey, his hands raised to the full moon in adulation. Not a thing on earth could ruin this.

A young man in the shadows smiled softly as he watched the other hop around foolishly before turning away. Everything was moving accordingly.

###############################################################################################

"Sirius. What are you doing out here so late?" James asked, slightly irritated at the interruption. Sirius halted on his way back to the castle and looked at the two, almost giddy.

"Making the world a better place, Prongs," he grinned. His eyes landed on Lily, who was scrutinizing the look on Sirius' face. "But don't let me interrupt."

James looked confused, but smiled a little at Sirius' clearly happy expression. "You've never been one for charity, and at this time of night. Tell me, mate."

Sirius thought about the request for a beat. James hated Snivellus as much as he himself did, especially after the thing with Lily. It wouldn't be fair for Sirius to deprive James of the big joke. They were best mates after all.

"Alright," Sirius relented. He motioned over to where he was standing. "You'll have to come over here, though. It's between us."

Lily smirked bitterly. "How mature."

James shot her an apologetic glance before going aside. "Just wait a minute."

She huffed impatiently and watched them. Sirius still had that goofy smile on his face as they walked ten feet away. He leaned into James and said something. From her distance, it looked like he was telling a story. James was listening intently, but somewhere in the middle, his confusion changed to a look of disturbance. Sirius didn't seem to notice what Lily had, and continued. He finished off his story with deep laughter as James eyes widened.

Lily was slightly taken aback when James grasped Sirius' collar and said something quick and low. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but the tone of his voice was definitely panicked. Sirius was still smiling, but not as much as before. He put a hand on James' shoulder and spoke soothingly. James responded by shrugging Sirius off hard.

"Tonight?" James yelled.

Sirius shook his head a little and shrugged. James grabbed Sirius' arms and shook him hard. "What did you do? Tonight?" Sirius' smile slipped and now it looked pasted on as he shoved his friend off of him.

"Come on, Prongs! I thought you would…" he trailed off when he looked at James.

James swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair. "Dammit!" he growled. Sirius was watching him soberly as he looked from the castle out to the dark grounds.

Lily understood that something bad had happened, and her heart race quickened. James muttered something to Sirius, who shook his head in protest.

"No!" James cut across him. "I've got to..." he took a breath and looked away from his best friend. There was a pain in his glance, like intense indecision. As he looked everywhere but at Sirius, his eyes met Lily's.

Lily's breath caught in her throat when their eyes locked. She suddenly understood everything in James' face except what was going on. She wanted to do something for him in that moment, to take it away. He gulped as they looked at each other and he tore his gaze from her.

"James," she said softly. He looked over at Sirius, who looked concerned.

"Do you know what you've..." he shook his head furiously. "I'm going to fix this."

"No, mate! Just leave it!"

James laughed mirthlessly. "Are you serious?" He took a step backwards and glanced over at Lily again.

"James," she said loudly. She walked towards them. "What's happening?"

He looked away again and fixed Sirius with a stern glance. "Walk her back."

"James!"She started towards them in earnest now, but James had taken off running into the darkness. Sirius caught her as she tried to follow him.

"Stop, Evans!" He said through gritted teeth. "We're going inside."

She pushed him away from her. "No! I'm not going!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, but the action looked tense. "You can't go after him."

"What's he doing? Tell me what's happening!" She cried. He had gotten a hold on her arm to ensure she didn't leave. "Sirius!"

He blinked and squinted at her. "Why are you so worked up?"

"Tell me what's going on!"

His head dropped and he stared at the ground. "Listen, we'll wait here for th –him. But I can't tell you anything." She let out a noise of frustration, but he ignored her. "Promise me you won't bolt."

She wrenched her arm out of his grasp and glowered at him. "I promise."

################################################################################################

James was breathless when he reached the Whomping Willow. On instinct, he skidded to a halt when he realized he was within pummeling distance of the violent tree. He couldn't worry about getting hit right now, or Snape could be a lot worse off than he would be. He sprinted towards the knot and dove under a whip-like branch. His hand was outstretched and he… was knocked backwards by something heavy. It cut him across the cheek. He groaned and wiped it away as he got up and lunged for the knot again. He reached it and pressed it, but not before another branch gave him a hard blow to the stomach.

It hit him so hard, he felt sick. The tree was silent and he stumbled up, clutching his stomach. He could taste blood from his cheek as he frantically made his way into the passage to the Shrieking Shack.

##########################################################################################

Snape had walked this stupid passage for a while now. His eyes roved the walls for some sign of anything. A minute later, he saw a glimmer of light not so far off. He actually began to run until he got close enough to be within earshot of anyone beyond the door. With his heart in his throat, he crept up to the door traced by cracks of light and pushed it open gently.

It made a small creaking sound, but not enough that Snape cringed at the volume. The first thing Snape noticed was that the room was trashed. Curtains were torn beyond repair, and the moldy wood that made up the entire hovel was on its last leg. There was a singular lamp in the corner on the floor with a tattered shade.

Finally, realization of where he was hit Snape like a bucket of cold water. "The Shreiking Shack," Snape pronounced, as he scanned the remaining part of the room. This time, he hadn't troubled to keep his voice down and the beast in the corner was startled out of his slumber, ears twitching. Snape heard the movement and terror rose up in his chest as the large, grey werewolf raised its hackles and snarled.

Icy fear molded Snape to the spot as he let out a strangled cry. The werewolf crouched and lunged for the fresh meat. Snape fell out of the way as the werewolf smashed into the wall, further infuriating him. Snape screamed as his eyes found the door and he crawled as fast as he could. The grey beast charged again and Snape only managed to partly move out of the way. He cried out in pain as the wolf tore a foot-long scratch down his leg.

"Snape!" James Potter was standing in the doorway, looking worse for wear. The werewolf turned also; and after a split second of analyzing the situation, James winced and transformed into a large stag.

Moony growled and stalked around his animal friend. Prongs wasn't about to duck it out with a full-fledged werewolf, the hit would have to be quick and then he would have to get out as fast as possible. When he saw that Moony was going to attack, Prongs ducked his head and threw him away with his antlers. Moony yelped as he flew into an old table. Prongs looked to the corner, where Snape was wide-eyed with shock, clutching his leg. He bounded over and bit the collar of Snape's shirt, dragging him out of the shack. Moony recovered and was pouncing toward them. Prongs heard Snape shout and then a pain cut into his thigh. He knew breaking pace could get them both killed, and they managed to escape.

James transformed back into a human immediately after they got out. "Close the door!" He screamed to Snape, who was behind him. Snape did so just as Moony collided with it. They were safe.

James was panting in relief as he lay back on the floor. He knew that the pain wasn't so bad because the adrenaline had yet to wear off. He'd better get moving now, or he wouldn't be able to get either of them back to the castle. He shuffled over to where Snape was perched against the wall. The pale Slytherin had his eyes tightly shut and his face was white. James assumed that he was delirious with shock.

"Snape." James nudged him. "Snape, did he bite you?" He wiped at the blood from his cheek that had trickled into his mouth again. "Answer me! I need to know that you weren't bitten."

James could hear Moony growling ferociously from behind the door. Snape finally opened his eyes and began shaking like a leaf. He nodded tersely from side to side and then gestured to his leg. "M-my... my…" James nodded to show that he understood.

"I'm going to get you help," James tried his best to sound comforting. He hadn't forgotten the amount of animosity between them, but looking at his downed enemy struck a chord. He had never realized how thin Snape was, or how frail. Now he was trembling uncontrollably and looking up at James with pleading eyes.

He was afraid to die, to bleed to death in this passage between the Whomping Willow and the Shreiking Shack. James was overcome with the fact that Snape was begging him with his black eyes to save his life. Would anyone care if this Dark Arts-obsessed oddball died right now, all alone? James shook away these thoughts; they were irrelevant because Snape wasn't going to die.

"It'll be fine," he muttered. James started to feel the pain all over his body and realized that his adrenaline rush was wearing off. "I'm getting you out of here."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns almost everything.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and please review more! I got this out pretty quick because I had some extra time. So here you go!

Chapter 9:

When Sirius was certain that Lily wasn't going to run off, he had taken a more relaxed seat on the grass. And after staring at him suspiciously, Lily sat next to him. The grass was slightly wet, but soft. They sat in silence for a few uncomfortable minutes, and then Lily shook her head.

"How long have we been waiting?"

Sirius had a watch, but he didn't bother to check it. "About a half-hour."

"What's taking him so long? Where is he?"

Sirius was getting bored with the oft-repeated questions. "It doesn't matter how many times you ask, Lily."

He thought she would groan, like she had every time he had refused to answer, but this time she turned to him with an unearthly calm. "What did you do?" She whispered.

Something that had been gnawing at him all this time took a painful bite. He turned on her furiously. "Why does it have to be something that I did? You don't know anything and you're already making assumptions! That's exactly why I'm not going to tell you!" He had tried not to get defensive, but he was tired and annoyed and ...guilty. He was angry that he had taken this too far; he was angry that he felt guilty for doing this to someone he hated; he was angry that James had been the one to play hero for his mistake.

The worst part was that he hadn't been feeling any of this until he saw the look on James' face. The seriousness of the situation hit him as James had turned and run to the woods, to save someone they both hated.

But then again, Snape would easily go out of his way to hurt them, why could he not return the favor?

Lily hadn't spoken after Sirius had blown up at her. The battle with himself was apparent on his face. She tried to keep the accusation out of her voice, though she knew that he may have put James in danger. "How bad is this?" She prodded softly.

He didn't look at her; she may as well not even have been there. "The worst thing I've ever done," was his haunting answer.

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James was practically dragging Snape down the corridor. The pain and blood loss from the abrasion in his thigh was making him dizzy. He couldn't think straight or breath, and the extra weight was not helping. Snape hadn't spoken a word since they began their trek though the secret passageway. James didn't really expect him to.

He fell once, resting his head against the cool ground and wishing dearly that he could go to sleep. That was when a strange burning sensation crept up his injured leg. He pulled his head up to glance at Snape, who was opening his mouth wordlessly and still grasping his calf. Everything was spinning and James tried to shake it off. When it subsided, he realized that he was the biggest idiot alive. He had a wand!

With a little more ease to his mind, he lifted his wand and conjured up a stretcher for Snape. The burning was getting a little more severe, but he could stumble through the corridor if he didn't have to tow Snape the rest of the way. James pointed his wand ahead of him, leading the stretcher on as he tripped along in its wake.

By the time they had moved out of the Whomping Willow, James was sweating profusely and Snape lay quietly. James would have thought that the other boy was asleep if not for the uneven breathing. James panted his way to the grounds in the dark, and as he came to the Quidditch pitch, he was two figures still waiting for him.

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Lily was once again struck into silence. There didn't seem to be much that she could say, but only wait. It was nearly an hour before she heard anything that sounded human; it was the clumsy shuffle of feet along the wet grass. She turned to see a stretcher holding a body being propelled by James. Sirius turned as well and stood quickly at attention as his best friend approached.

Lily ran to meet them, but stopped and went still when she got a closer look at James. He was dirt and blood from his cheek was splattered down to his chin. He was limping and the bottoms of his robes were torn and blood-soaked.

She didn't know how close to get, but then he stumbled and her hand found his to support him. She gasped as they touched and pulled back once he was steady. His eyes finally rose to meet hers and she saw a ghost of a smile on his face. "Lily."

She smiled when he said it, but was afraid to touch him again. She looked back to Sirius for assistance. He took her cue and threw his arm around James. "Come on, mate."

James was excessively leaning on his best friend and looking bleary-eyed. "I can't... " he gestured to the stretcher. "He needs…"

Sirius nodded, placating him, and James fell limply on Sirius' arm. Now Sirius was worried. "What happened back there?" He shook James when he was slow to respond.

"Be careful!" Lily snapped. "He's bleeding!"

If she had been paying attention, she would have noticed the blood drain from Sirius' face as he looked down and twitched up James' robes. "Oh god." He fixed his tense gaze back on his injured friend. "Is that... Prongs, tell me that isn't..."

James managed a rueful smile, and Sirius immediately sprung into action. "We need to get them to the hospital wing... NOW!" Lily jumped at the abruptness. Her eyes drifted from James to the person on the stretcher. She had been so preoccupied; she hadn't even glanced at the other. When she laid eyes on the white face, she took a step back in shock.

"What is going on?" She asked shakily.

Sirius didn't want to hear it. "There's no time now. All you need to know is that we need to get them help as fast as possible. Run ahead and get Madam Pomfrey."

She hesitated, wavering between doing as Sirius asked and staying. "Please!" Sirius yelled. She heard the desperation in his voice and took off towards the castle without a word.

The hospital wing was on the other end of the castle entirely. As she jogged, she listened to the rhythm of her breathing and tried to put the pieces together. James came staggering out of the darkness with a seriously injured Snape, not looking so good himself. Sirius had said something to James that had compelled him to run out and find his sworn enemy. Sirius had been laughing. After James left, Sirius seemed... regretful.

It wasn't too hard to work out the basics: Sirius had pulled some sort of prank on Snape, and it was taken too far. James tried to stop Sirius' plan before it played out.

As for what really happened out there, Lily could only guess. It looked as if they both had been attacked, but what could Sirius have said to Snape to get him to meet a waiting ambush? As she reached the hospital wing, the only thought in her mind was to wake Madam Pomfrey. She ran through the hall, not caring if she woke any of the occupants, and found herself at Madam Pomfrey's office. She knocked loudly, knowing that Pomfrey was probably in the adjoining room in bed.

After a few minutes of pounding on the door, Lily was about to break it down when a very irritated Madam Pomfrey flung the door open in her dressing gown. "What on earth –Lily Evans? Do you realize –"

"Someone is… I mean, two people are h-hurt badly," Lily explained in a rush. "We tried to get them here, but it wasn't fast enough, they need help!"

The nurse didn't ask any further questions. "Where did you find them, Evans?"

Lily simply turned and took off back down the hall, with Pomfrey at her heels. They ran into Sirius about ten feet past the entrance, heavily supporting James with one arm, holding up Snape's stretcher by wand with his other. "Help them." Sirius moaned.

With the three of them assisting the transport, it was much quicker. James seemed a little out of it, like he had just had too much to drink. For the most part, he was lucid. Snape didn't speak or move. His eyes were open, but he didn't seem to notice the goings-on around him, or particularly care.

They moved Snape to an empty bed and Pomfrey bent over him. "It's his leg," James told her. Madam Pomfrey nodded and lifted the hem of his robes. When she saw his wound, she clearly gasped and turned slowly to Lily, James, and Sirius.

"Tell me this isn't what I think it is," she demanded. The two boys bowed their heads in shame and Lily leaned in closer, hoping she would hear something explanatory.

James winced as he took a step forward. "It's just a scratch, he wasn't..."

Pomfrey looked very disapproving, but nodded for the time being. "This needs to be taken care of immediately." She gestured to a cabinet in the corner. "Black, get me that yellow ointment." Sirius hurried over and handed off the bottle. While unscrewing the cap, she muttered something to herself along the lines of, 'looks terribly deep.'

She plastered a generous amount on Snape's skinny calf and he hissed in pain, the first noise they had heard from him. When she had finished, she wrapped his leg expertly in gauze and rounded on the three other students. "Come here, Potter."

James looked away. "I'm fine," he mumbled.

Lily and Sirius indignantly began protesting and Madam Pomfrey said, "Nonsense!" sharply. He acquiesced eventually and laid out on the other bed. Pomfrey barely glanced at the cut on his cheek before examining his thigh right above the knee.

"You're lucky, Potter. It's just a graze and I don't think you'll even need to spend the night. But I will have to apply some of this." She held up the same bottle of ointment.

As she spread it on, James didn't make a sound but Lily noticed that his jaw tightened and his hand was clenched. Pomfrey wrapped his leg and sat him up. A tense silence descended in the room and Lily realized that something was unspoken in this room that she had no notion of.

"Potter, Black, a word with you," Pomfrey ordered, leaving no room for discussion. They quickly obeyed and Lily was left in the room with her once-best friend.

####################################################################################################

Snape had no reaction when everyone left except Lily. He continued to stare at the ceiling as if in a trance. Lily looked at him sympathetically for a moment, and then turned to leave.

"Wait!" A hoarse voice called behind her. Lily stopped, but didn't look at him and didn't move from her spot at the door. "Don't leave yet." There was no demand in those words, so Lily sighed softly and turned to him.

He looked ill, and she felt sorry for him, so she moved a little closer. "What do you need?"

He swallowed and looked away from her. "I need to go back two years, and –"

Lily held up a hand to cut him off. "I don't want to talk about that."

His eyes drooped like he was tired. "I'm sorry."

"You almost died tonight and this is what you want to say?"

Something hopeful flickered in his eyes. "So you don't wish I was dead?"

She looked at him sharply. "Of course not! I'm not like that! I'm not like those people you hang out with now!"

He cringed at her anger and she took a deep breath. "Evidently, James doesn't want you dead either."

Snape blinked. "You think that's what he was doing?" He spoke with as much force as he could, which was close to none. "Well I've got news for you –"

"Mr. Snape." Lily looked over her shoulder to see Professor Dumbledore at the door, looking grave. He turned his gaze on Lily and his expression softened. "Ms. Evans, could you give us a moment?"

"Yes, sir." She promptly left the room. Madam Pomfrey was now bustling around the corridor, muttering about how she might as well do something now that she's awake. Sirius was on the far end of the hospital wing in a chair with his head in his hands.

James was leaning against the wall juxtaposed from the room she had just come out of. As she closed the door behind her, he pushed off the wall and just stared at her. She gave him a half-smile and in response, he lifted his hands in a little shrug. Neither knew quite what to say.

Suddenly, the image of Snape lying in bed flashed through her mind and her eyes were burning. She was grateful that he had saved Snape. She was glad that Snape was alive because just maybe the person he once was would come back. She was glad that James had shown her the man that he was.

Her eyes were glossed over with unshed tears when she looked up at him, and he looked concerned. "What's the matter?"

She laughed, because nothing was the matter and everything was all wrong; because everything felt like it was coming together and falling apart. "I can't believe you did that."

"What?" He breathed. He had come very close to her and his nearness was distracting.

"Went and... did what you did. And risked yourself for it."

He leaned away from her without stepping back and his gaze hardened a little. "Did you think I was the type of person to just let someone –" He dropped off, looking upset. "Never in my life could I do a thing like that."

"You hate him."

"And that hasn't changed, it never will."

"But you saved his life."

James shrugged. "What's your point?" He was no longer distant, and she picked up on that. She raised a hand to his cheek and let it rest there, stroking the cut along the bone.

"You're a good man, Potter." She added his surname when she realized how personal they were getting. Nonetheless, he smiled slowly. "Maybe you always were."

He gently reached up and took her hand from his face. "Maybe," he drawled. Then he raised her hand to his lips. Her hand burned where his mouth touched and as soon as he pulled away, she withdrew it.

Dumbledore, noted for his perfect timing, chose that moment to exit Snape's room. "Mr. Potter, I must ask you and Mr. Black to come with me." James nodded in grim acceptance and turned to Lily again. "You'll be alright?"

She raised her eyebrows in mild annoyance. "Of course, why wouldn't I be?" She paused. "I just have to take care of something."

Dumbledore looked pointedly at her. "Please go up to Gryffindor Tower soon, Ms. Evans. After you finish what you must."

She nodded quickly and watched them go. When they had left, and she was alone, she faced Snape's door. She needed to do this, she need the closure. Lily had thought that anything even the slightest bit of friendly feeling that had lingered between them had died long ago. But she had gotten a pang when she saw that he was hurt.

He had looked so young and helpless. When they were younger, he was always helpless; the bullying and the problems at home. He had nothing to look forward to and could do nothing about it. Severus was in there, but she knew that powerlessness and resentment would become something stronger, and it already had. Hatred would consume him, and it had no reason not to after this latest stunt. Snape didn't want to fight it, and neither would she. Lily didn't want to be constantly looking over her shoulder, hoping for something that wasn't possible. She needed to close the door on any feeling whatsoever, and she needed to do it now.

She pushed the door open and found Snape wide awake and seemingly deep in thought. His face was completely indifferent as he scanned her face and even her posture.

"So it's James now, right?" He said it lightly, trying to prove to both of them that he couldn't care less.

She sighed tiredly. "For you, that's what it was always about, wasn't it?" She stood far away from him and refused to come any closer.

"No. Just you. It always made me mental that you couldn't see what he and his friends really were…"

"And what is that? What really happened tonight?" She asked, partly to challenge him and partly because she was genuinely curious. He clenched his jaw and looked away. Just like she knew that he wouldn't answer. She figured that's why Dumbledore had been here: damage-control.

"I knew you, Severus. And I liked you because I knew you. I never liked James, not because I wasn't attracted to him, but because I had no idea that he was a human being... In fact, I thought he wasn't."

Snape didn't say anything, but he was riveted. She could see him clinging to her every word.

"He hates you, but he did right by you when it really counted."

"He was trying to save his best mate's ass."

"You didn't see him before he went to find you; it wasn't Sirius that he was protecting."

Snape again looked on the verge of bursting, but remained stone silent.

Her eyes drifted to the white ceiling. "I want this to end. I want to be able to look at you and see you as another Slytherin, nothing more. No regrets."

His eyes filled with tears, but she never saw them. Any tears he cried, he would despise, and that was the entire problem. He didn't want to love.

"I can do that now. Any part of you I liked is so far in there, that nothing can pull it out, not even a near-death experience." Or the mercy of his enemy.

"How do you know that?"

She finally looked at him. "If the places were reversed, what would you have done? And don't lie if you have one shred of decency left in you."

He didn't say a thing and she had her answer. "I'm sorry it happened this way, and I wish that we could have been friends, but Severus left before I did." He had turned in his bed so that his back was to her. She nodded at him and turned to leave. "I hope you feel better."

And that was it. She left and went up to the Gryffindor girls' dormitories for the rest of the night. She didn't sleep, but she could very honestly say that it had nothing to do with Severus Snape.

#################################################################################################

"I have sworn Mr. Snape to secrecy, but the seriousness of what transpired tonight is no less." Dumbledore gazed at the two students in front of him. "Something very horrible could have happened tonight, and I cannot take that lightly."

"It was my fault, sir." Sirius said firmly. "James did nothing but try to fix it."

James shot a sideways glance at his best friend before speaking. "We've done a lot of stupid things and I deserve some credit for this."

Dumbledore nodded. "I know a lot more than I have let on through the years, but I have maintained quiet about it because it seemed to help Mr. Lupin. But what has been done now, is a terrible violation of my trust in all of you."

Dumbledore looked disappointed, which was horrible for anyone who was unfortunate enough to be the object of his disappointment. "Mr. Black, I understand that you were largely responsible for this and I can give you nothing less than detention every week for the rest of the year." Sirius met his eyes unflinchingly and nodded.

"Mr. Potter, I see no reason to punish you, since you didn't know about this until very late tonight and then immediately took action. But I wonder if my faith has been misplaced."

"It's my fault, Professor," Sirius repeated. "And it won't happen again. I promise."

Dumbledore nodded solemnly, and waved his hand in dismissal. The two Gryffindors stood and left without another word.

James and Sirius walked in relative silence until they got past the gargoyles. "So... detention for seven months is rough, Padfoot. Sorry."

Sirius frowned and looked at James. "You know as well as I do that I deserve every minute of those detentions."

James winked. "Well, I'll probably be joining you anyway."

Without warning, Sirius grabbed James by his collar and rammed him up against the wall. "What the hell is your problem?"

"What –Get off!" James choked.

"First, you go all noble and clean up my mess. Then you try and take some of the blame up there with Dumbledore, and now you're making jokes like everything's fine!" Sirius snarled and pushed James hard into the wall before releasing him. "Everything is NOT fine!"

James was rubbing his neck and watching Sirius with wide hazel eyes. "You know what I've done! You said it yourself! This isn't alright! I'm not alright!" He sunk to the ground and grabbed his head. He wasn't crying, but he was closer than James had ever seen him.

James shook his head, denying the words. He sat down next to him. "Yes you are. If you were not, you wouldn't be saying this right now."

Sirius looked up bitterly. "I can talk all I want, but the stunt I just pulled…" He stared off. "Stop being all understanding."

James raised his hands in surrender. "What the hell do you want me to do, Padfoot?"

Sirius stood again, the tortured man on the floor gone. "You're a coward, Prongs. Don't you see? Thanks to you, another Death Eater will live to kill Muggle-borns and help Voldemort to power."

James felt anger rise in him, despite how hard he was trying to keep it down. "It's not my job to decide that. What if it doesn't work out that way? I'm not a murderer and I'll die before I let you become one!"

Sirius turned red and got in his face again. "So everyone should just do what they want? Who cares what innocent people die? Have you forgotten Lily Evans is a Muggle-born?"

Completely mindless, James swung back his arm and hit Sirius hard. Sirius stumbled back and his hand flew to his cheek and he laughed. "Face it, Prongs. He would have let you die in there and you'll let him walk all over you and kill the people you're supposed to care about! I thought you were a fighter! He would've let you get torn to pieces!"

"THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US AND THEM!" James shouted. "I WON'T BE LIKE VOLDEMORT OR ANY OF HIS FOLLOWERS!"

It was good that they were nowhere near any inhabitants of the castle or there would have been quite an uproar.

Sirius' chest was heaving as he stared at James. Then he threw back his head and absolutely howled with laughter. "I'm just like them! The whole lot of them!" His laughter subsided into sobs and James grabbed Sirius in a fierce hug. "I'm my mother's son!" His words were followed with a mixture of laughter and crying.

"You're wrong," James told him. "You're so wrong."

Sirius was holding on to James for dear life. "You don't understand… you're good, you have good parents that love you and taught you right. I was tainted from Day One."

James tilted his head inquisitively. "So what's more impressive? Me, the well-raised, spoiled kid of two good people, or the person that has fought all his life to not be a part of the psychotic mania in his family? You're right, Pad. I'm not the fighter you are, but I won't let you disappoint yourself. Because this... you wouldn't have forgiven yourself." They broke apart and Sirius couldn't even look at him. "You're a Gryffindor, Sirius. Doesn't that mean anything?" James sighed, frustrated.

"You aren't made one way or the other! It's a choice! You made a bad one today after a lifetime of making good ones when it was important. So choose, Sirius! Choose what you really want to in your heart! I know you're good, now you have to know it!"

Everything was silent for a long time. Sirius was staring at his hands, examining them. James had run out of ideas on what to say to Sirius when he looked at him. "You win, Potter. I can't argue with that logic." His trademark wolfish smile was appearing on his face. "Who knew you could talk so well?"

James grinned with relief when he saw the pure determination in Sirius' eyes. They started walking down the hall and James punched his shoulder. "Who knew you could listen?"


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns pretty much everything.

A/N: I wanted to say two things: 1) I'm sorry this is so short, but I needed to shorten it for pacing purposes and 2) I wanted to clarify that I am NOT writing James as being reluctant to fight Death Eaters and the like. James was reacting to the situation and trying to talk down an emotional Sirius, and that is all. You will see better that he has no problem dealing with a threatening enemy later on, but I just wanted to make it clear . So please read and review! It's the best thing you guys can do to keep the story quality!

Chapter 10:

When Lily woke up the next morning, Maggie, Kate and Anise were all towering over her bed watching her sleep. With a cry, Lily sat bolt upright and backed into the headboard.

"What in bloody hell are you three doing?" She clutched at her sheets.

Kate put up a finger. "Language, Lils."

Maggie sat on the foot of the bed with a demanding expression. "Where were you last night?"

Lily rubbed her eyes at the memory. "It's a long, long story."

"Well then, it's a good thing we enjoy your company," Kate jumped in.

"We know you skipped off to find Potter and never came back," Maggie added. "So _tell_ us!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "But I don't even know what happened! It was such a crazy night, and I spent most of it confused."

Maggie looked at her matter-of-factly. "We don't care about the other stuff. What happened with Potter?"

"Oh, you'd care –" Lily stopped. "Potter? What do you mean? Why do you think something happened? Did he say something?" She was blushing. She blushed so easy and it was so embarrassing and she could never keep her personal life secret for long because of it.

"Lily, you're all red!" Anise declared happily. "Something did happen, didn't it?"

While glaring at all of them, she pushed back the covers and slipped off the bed, walking to her trunk. "Like I said, it was a long night and lots of things happened." She dodged the question, while hunting through her trunk for clothes. She was immediately met with indignant protest.

"You have to tell us!"

"What kind of friend are you?"

She couldn't help but smile at their relentlessness and turned around with a tortured sigh. "You're right, I was with James, but we were a little preoccupied all night."

At her friends' absolute silence, she realized that her words had come out very wrong. "No no! That's… I don't mean…" she rambled. "There was an attack and blood and we spent all night in the hospital wing! There was nothing romantic or anything like that."

Kate smirked. "Who said anything about romance? It didn't have to be romantic, in fact –"

"Stop right there!"

"And since when," Maggie said slyly, "do you call him James?"

Lily looked around at the three of them and saw that she had dug herself a very big hole. "Okay," she conceded. "We didn't do anything, but I did see a side of Ja—Potter that I hadn't seen before. And it... made me think..." She stopped.

The other girls were hanging on her every word. "What?" Maggie pressed.

Lily shrugged. "I guess that he isn't as bad as I thought. That he is a good guy. He's decent and I was wrong."

Kate, Maggie, and Anise waited expectantly and Lily blinked. "What?"

Anise looked a bit glum. "That's it?"

Their red-headed friend crossed her arms. "Yes. What did you all think? That I had sex with him?"

They all looked around at each other. "N-n-no," Anise stuttered unconvincingly.

Maggie was unexpressive, "Well, no... "

Kate scoffed. "I didn't think you slept with him! But I thought you might have done something interesting, considering you were gone all night! What, pray tell, led to this path of Potter-discovery?"

Lily frowned. "I don't know exactly what occurred, but I know that Sirius played a prank that went bad and James saved the person Sirius had tried to trick."

Maggie was paying more attention. "What did Sirius do?"

"He made sure this Slytherin would get ambushed by an animal or something and James got the guy out before whatever it was did any real damage."

Anise looked confused. "James saved a Slytherin... how..."

"Un-James." Kate finished. Then she fixed Lily with a piercing stare. "And how did you thank the big hero? Did you kiss him for his trouble?"

Maggie nudged the dark-haired girl. "You're dead clever, Kate, but we all know you're just as much a prude as Lils." She turned to Lily when Kate grinned and raised her eyebrows. "And why would she thank Potter for saving a Slytherin?"

Anise giggled. "Because that's the romantic thing to do. The knight always gets a kiss from the lady."

Kate rolled her eyes. "But he wasn't saving the damsel, it was more like he was saving the dragon. Maybe James should've just let it be."

Lily shook her head vigorously. "You don't understand. The guy could have died."

"Oh. Sirius really went that far?"

"I don't think he realized at the time."

Maggie looked suspicious. "Who was the Slytherin?"

Lily hesitated, unwilling to answer. She cleared her throat loudly. "Severus Snape."

Anise squealed while Kate and Maggie gazed at her, obviously surprised. "Snape. He saved Snape?" Lily nodded.

"That's why… I changed my mind about him. I know he can't stand Snape and I believed that he would've let him die if given the chance. But he risked his life."

Her friends continued to stare at her wordlessly. They didn't know exactly how to approach the subject now that she told them Snape was involved. After the incident in fifth year…

_All of the girls in the fifth-year dormitories watched with bated breath as Lily walked into the room. She looked tired as she opened the door and kept brushing her hair out of her face. When she noticed everyone staring, they all turned away quickly and pretended to be busy with something else._

_"You're all so sneaky!" She said mockingly. "If you want to ask, ask now or forever hold your peace."_

_The girls traded uncertain glances, with the exception of Kate, who swung around to face Lily seriously. "What did you do?"_

_She turned directly to her petite friend and addressed her. "Exactly what you would have done. So, you don't have to be polite to him anymore. That ship has sailed."_

_Kate was happy at the news, but withheld her smile after getting a good look at Lily's face. She looked… older, and worn. Lily still needed time to process the loss of her friend. Maggie came up behind her and placed a hand gently on her shoulder._

_"Hey, you did the right thing. Are you okay?"_

_Lily shrugged her off roughly. "It's over. And I don't want to talk or even think about him. It's not worth the time of day." She grabbed a textbook from her bag and flipped through it._

_Maggie was watching her warily, and so were the rest. "Lils…"_

_Lily shook her head. "No. It's done. And if you're my friend, you won't mention it again."_

_Maggie gave up. "Alright, if that's what you want."_

_"It is." And she went through the rest of the night, and every day after that, like it had never happened._

"So what does that mean for you and James?" Kate said, moving swiftly over Snape's name.

Lily's eyes shot up. "There is no 'me and James'." She flushed as she said it.

Kate smirked. "But there could be..." Maggie and Anise giggled when Lily sputtered at the suggestion.

"You three are impossible," she muttered, fleeing the room.

########################################################################################

James shouldered his school bag and jogged after Sirius, who had packed five minutes before class ended and was the first out the door. "Hey, you keep this up and people will think we're on the outs, mate."

Sirius spared him a glance. "Well, honestly, who would want to be seen with the likes of you, Prongs?"

"I don't know. The golden Snitch, for one, seems to be very attracted to me."

"Which would explain why you spend most of your life chasing the stupid little ball." James let out a laugh and they walked next to each other without speaking for a minute or so.

"So, tonight –"

"I can't go, James."

Sirius kept his eyes trained ahead as he made the pronouncement, preparing himself for the fight he was sure James would put up. "I agree, Pad. I don't think any of us should go."

It took a moment to process, but Sirius stopped in his tracks and looked at James, finally. "You agree?"

"Yeah. I was the one that had to fight him yesterday. And he'll still be... out-of-control, so we can't exactly clear the air. Peter can't go alone, he'll be eaten."

"Right. Well then, I'll see you later." He waved shortly and took off in another direction.

"We have class!" James called after him.

Sirius put up a hand dismissively and didn't even look back. "I'm skipping, make my excuses."

James tried to shake off the uneasy feeling that Sirius' behavior had been giving him all day. Since breakfast, Sirius had been carefully avoiding James without giving any semblance of actual avoidance. He would talk and make jokes, but something was missing. James had thought that he had gotten through to Sirius last night; had kept him from the precipice of something all too real and dangerous to a rebellious member of the Black family. Maybe he was stupid to believe that one little talk could erase the magnitude of Sirius' intentions in his best friend's mind. Yesterday was so loaded with… well, everything, that James didn't really know what to feel first.

All thought flew from his head and his breath caught in his throat when he spotted Lily walking a few feet ahead of him. "Why, hello there!" He crept up behind her, not-so-subtly. She was startled and jumped away from him.

"Sweet Merlin, Potter! Don't do that!"

He cringed boyishly. "Sorry." He fell into step next to her. "So where have you been all day?"

She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Apparently, under your radar." It was meant to be a clever quip, but it lacked the annoyed/playful tone that usually came with her banter. She was tense, and that was a bad sign.

James felt his spirits sinking fast; first Sirius, now Lily. He understood that they had all done things last night that they would have never done if it hadn't gotten so heavy, but he had been hoping for some progress. "Never, Lils. If I didn't know better, I'd say that you've been staying away from me."

She looked at him softly. "Good thing you know better."

She started to speed up, but he reached for her hand and pulled her back. He saw her swallow as she looked up at him nonchalantly.

"I get it," he whispered. "Everything's different in the morning."

For a second, a flicker of surprise crossed her eyes, and then sadness. He watched her closely as the guarded expression came up again and she gently pulled away. "That's true," she said inconsequentially as she walked away.

He looked around the crowded corridor and saw some people giving him sympathetic stares. He glared; he was sure they all thought that James Potter had once again been rejected by Lily Evans. Too bad they didn't know the half of it.

##########################################################################################

Sirius was brooding by the fire in the common room when he heard someone behind him. "You know, usually people skip class to break a rule or be exciting, and not sulk by the fire."

"You have my schedule memorized?"

Kate ignored the question and sat across from him, studying his profile. "So I heard you tried to kill someone last night," she said easily.

He looked at her in disgust. "Lily has a big mouth, huh?"

She shrugged. "She didn't act like she knew much about it, to be honest. I'm sure you know more."

He shifted in his seat. "Nothing I'm going to tell you," he said shortly.

She tilted her head to one side, and watched him with her doe eyes. Now he was getting annoyed. "Why in bloody hell are you here, Jared?"

"I don't know. Frankly, you're an aggravating waste of space on your best day." Sirius looked at her, frowning.

"And you're a bitch." They were insulting each other, but Sirius found some relief in it. All day he had felt like the people closest to him were either being careful with him or looking at him differently. He wished last night had never happened, or at least that it wouldn't change the way he was treated.

"You're just mad that I'm untouchable, Black. And I think you respect it too."

He snorted, turning back to the fire. "I haven't made the effort, but your plenty vulnerable, Jared. Just like everybody else."

She smiled curiously. "Like you?" He grimaced and she was mildly taken aback. "It was really bad, wasn't it? Or else you wouldn't regret it so much."

"Don't tell me how I feel about it."

"It's written all over your face, so there's no point in denying it." She stood up. "You're bad, Black. In a naughty school boy kind of way, but you aren't evil." She smirked as she left him. "Leave it to you to give yourself more credit than you deserve." He felt the pressure of her warm hand on his shoulder as she passed.

When he didn't hear her footsteps or anything else, he smiled. It was oddly comforting to have talked with Kate. James had been right about making a choice to be good, but he had spent all night wondering if perhaps there was something wrong with him that prevented him from making the good choice. What if he was blinded by his own nature from being decent? He had needed to hear it in his own language- sarcastic and borderline insulting, for the words to leave an imprint.

######################################################################################################

When Snape limped into the Slytherin common room, Malfoy, Mulciber, and Nott were the only seventh-years around. They turned towards the entrance as he headed towards them.

"I waited up last night and you never came. Where were you?"

Snape didn't answer until he had settled himself into an armchair. "I got attacked."

They all bent forward in their seats. "What could have gotten you so bad that Pomfrey couldn't even heal it?" Mulciber asked.

Snape groaned in pain as he moved further into his chair and Bellatrix Black waltzed in from the girl's dorms. She raised an eyebrow at Snape's heavily bandaged leg. "Were you set upon?" She asked smartly.

Snape didn't look at any of them. "Potter and his merry band of Marauders found me last night and got me while my back was turned. One of them hexed me in the leg and Pomfrey couldn't do much with it." He was an excellent liar even at the age of seventeen.

The Death Eaters-to-be all looked furious. "Potter and his pathetic friends did this?" Malfoy asked calmly.

Snape nodded with reluctance. "By the time I could get my wand out, they had already cursed me a few times."

Bellatrix shoved Nott over as she took a space on the black leather couch. "Who knew those immature little Gryffindors could be so vicious? You should've taken them out with that _Sectumsempra_ hex you were showing me."

Snape's black eyes bore into Bella's. "I didn't exactly have a chance. Your cousin was the only one that got caught. The others were able to deny it."

Bellatrix smirked. "Sirius? He's nothing. My aunt threw that blood traitor out of the house last year. Easily dealt with."

Snape kept his face impassive as he watched Bella and Malfoy exchange a secretive smile. "What do you have in mind?"

Bellatrix stood up and walked slowly around the glass table in front of the couch. "I'm thinking that we haven't been… active enough around the school. We are planning to follow the Dark Lord in his mission, and yet we've done nothing to aid his work here where it is needed the most. Mudbloods and their champion, Dumbledore, still reign supreme. We must at least attempt to further his dream." She spoke with an almost starry-eyed hope that Snape had never seen in Bellatrix Black. It didn't suit her, but made her look fanatical. Malfoy joined her at the front of the table.

"I agree. We have been silent for too long."

Nott looked tentative. "We can't do anything too serious under Dumbledore's nose."

Malfoy glanced at him. "For now, we should simply worry about how we're going to make those little Gryffindor worms pay for attacking a Slytherin. Especially a potential servant of Lord Voldemort."

Bella's lips curled up in an evil smile. "That shouldn't be too difficult. That house is so loaded with Mudbloods, we'll have our pick. But, we'll be careful and patient. There's no need to rush something like those Marauder-fools. We'll be careful and we won't be discovered."

This time, Snape troubled to keep his facial expression under control, but he said nothing. Bella's eyes gleamed as she rested her gaze on Snape. "Let's wage a war on the Mudbloods of Hogwarts like the Dark Lord has done on the Wizarding World."


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: Sorry it took so long. I've had a busy week. Anyway, this chapter contains the f-word! (Oh no! Clutch your throat in shock!) Don't worry, it's only once. Haha. It's T-Rated, so that shouldn't be a problem, but you never know, so just thought I'd inform all of you, since I've haven't used much foul language yet. As always, I appreciate it if you guys review, especially people that favorite the story or alert it, since that means you are actually keeping track of the story. I love to see what you think, so drop me a comment, please!

Chapter 11:

The week sailed by with an eerie calm, and it seemed like everyone was in deadly anticipation for its end. Sirius spent most of his time playing his own version of facing Remus over and over in his head. Lily had missed most of her curfew duty that week, and when she didn't, she suggested that she and James split up to make it quicker. James was trying to be patient and wanted to give her time. He knew what could come of pushing her too hard back into that glimpse of affection that he saw the night he saved Snape, but the wait was excruciating. Kate, Maggie, and Anise were dumbfounded by their friend's avoidance of James.

Late one night, as she and Lily were going over their Defense Against the Dark Arts homework, Maggie looked up with sudden curiosity. "Isn't it about time you go downstairs?"

Lily didn't even break in her wand movement. "I'm not going on curfew tonight."

Maggie sighed dramatically and dropped her own wand. "Why not?" She asked, though she knew the answer already.

Lily finally spared her a glance. "Look, Potter owes me," she turned back to her textbook. "I'm just collecting now."

Maggie was quite honestly at her wit's end with Lily. She forcefully slammed her hand over the red-head's textbook and earned a grudging invitation to talk.

"Fine. What do you want to say? Because I know if we don't get this over with, that you'll be bothering me for the rest of the night."

Maggie looked at her with an intense concentration, as if she could glean some information from Lily's carefully arranged face. "I don't understand. You told me that you were beginning to see Potter in a new light."

"I do."

"So that means that you avoid him?"

"Yes –I mean, no!" She sighed. "I can't do this."

"Do what? It's more like what you haven't been doing."

"Exactly." She gave Maggie a pleading look, begging her to understand what Lily didn't want to explain. "It's too much too fast."

"Lily, nothing's happened."

"Because I won't let it happen! I'm going crazy with this! Ever since that night, I haven't been near him without thinking... that he was right that whole time."

Maggie saw where she was leading, but she decided to play dumb. It was important for Lily to hear her own thoughts out loud, it would validate them. "What was he right about?"

Lily glared, clearly annoyed. "About... about us!"

Maggie smirked. "I recall you saying that there was no 'you and James.'"

"There isn't." Lily looked slightly afraid of her next words. "But there could be, and I didn't realize how easily that could happen."

Her friend looked at her gently. "And what would be so wrong if it did?"

Lily turned to look at her friend fully, homework forgotten. "Maggie, I can't just… I just decided that he was a decent guy, and that's fine. But now, whenever I look at him, I see more than that. How can I just go from how I was before to this? I can't even get my footing, when everything is changing."

"But you aren't being rushed into anything. It's just what you're feeling, and if it's meant to go at this pace... well, not this pace, because that would be rather immobile, but you know what I mean. You can't put your feelings in check just because you're scared." She studied Lily. "You really like him, don't you?"

"Yes! And that's the problem!" Lily's expression grew fierce. "Put yourself in my place for a minute. I spent years pushing James Potter away and I swore that I wouldn't be like all those other girls, fawning over him because he was the popular Quidditch star. And within the space of two hours, I'm just as taken by him as any of those girls that I laughed at." She was flushed with her confession. "So tell me how I'm supposed to face him. Tell me how I'm supposed to pretend everything's normal. You tell me!"

Maggie frowned in surprise at her friend's outburst. "Alright, so don't go on curfew patrol... tonight. Just give yourself enough time to calm down and then..." Lily looked at her expectantly. "You know you can't avoid him for much longer." Maggie smirked. "You're just going to have to endure the horrible fate of being attracted to James Potter."

"Thanks," Lily muttered, but her face said anything but.

###########################################################################################

"I don't want to talk about it. And if you push this, mate, I'm going to make you go on and on about how Lily won't go within ten feet of you." Sirius knew that was harsh, but he was plain sick of James asking him if he wanted to talk about Moony.

James fixed him with a deathly glare. "I'm trying to help you."

"Well we aren't girls, Prongs. And I am in no mood for some heart-to-heart where I talk about my... feelings." Sirius' voice was laced with disgust.

"That's not what I want," James said hurriedly. "But the full moon ended last night, so..."

"You act like I haven't been counting down the days," Sirius said heavily. "And I know what that means." His voice lowered and took on a strange tone somewhere between wistfulness and shame. "Maybe he won't remember."

James wisely chose not to answer, as they headed towards Gryffindor Tower in relative silence. The common room was nearly full, but most of them were from the first to fourth-years. Sirius and James climbed the stairs and Sirius paused at the door, his hand on the knob.

"Do you think he's already back?" James gave him a sympathetic shrug and Sirius' face hardened.

"I can't believe I'm acting like such a gutless..." he trailed off with a long breath, and pushed open the door. The dormitories were absolutely empty with the exception of one lone figure leaning against a bedpost. His face was gaunter than usual and even from this distance James could see the deep circles under his eyes. When they entered, Remus looked up slowly and watched them.

"Hey, Moony," James said softly. The look on his friend's face terrified him. There was nothing in his expression; it was utterly... empty. Sirius didn't say anything, but his face had flooded with regret and a silent plea for forgiveness from one of his dearest friends. Remus pushed off the post and straightened.

"None of you came all week," he said.

Sirius and James chanced a look at each other and turned back. James cleared his throat awkwardly. "Moony, do you, ah... remember what happened... that first night?"

Remus swallowed and his face scrunched up as he bowed his head. He began to speak in a steady monotone. "Snape found me. I knew that he would eventually. I—I would have killed him, but you," his eyes were fixed on James, "got him out of there. Did I hurt anybody?"

James looked saddened. "No. Not really. Snape is fine and you barely touched me."

Remus nodded slowly. "That's good."

After a long silence, James shifted uncomfortably. "And he won't tell anyone what happened. Dumbledore made him swear."

Remus' eyes deadened. "Let's hope that he does keep it to himself. It's apparently a very deadly weapon in the wrong hands." There was no accusation, just a subtle hint. Sirius had been quite stoic the entire time, but at these words, something flickered in his face and Remus caught it.

He still didn't look at Sirius fully, but instead his eyes went directly in between the two other Marauders as he spoke. "I thought at first that Snape had figured it out on his own. He had suspected for a long time, anyway. But then, that didn't explain how you would have known and been able to get him out of there. Maybe you saw him sneaking around on your way from Quidditch practice... right?"

James looked away and made a noncommittal gesture.

"No, Moony." Sirius said, looking directly into his haggard friend's eyes.

"No?"

Sirius shook his head. "I told him where to go if he wanted to know what we did at night."

Remus just looked at him. "You did." He nodded his head deftly. "I knew James hadn't done it, because he was the big hero." James looked up in surprise. "And Peter wouldn't think of it. But you would."

Sirius faced him grimly. "You have to know that I'm –"

"Don't say it." Remus suddenly snarled. "Don't spew out that stupid line to me!"

James took a step forward, but Sirius stopped him. "Let him."

Remus clenched his fists. "I try so hard to keep myself under control. To be normal. And I'm so scared that someday I will damage someone because they happen to be nearby or I care about them. I'm so scared." As he reached Sirius, he fisted his collar and shook him viciously. Sirius allowed himself to be shaken like a limp rag doll and then pushed away.

Remus' face contorted with a frightful rage. "And one of my best friends," he bit off the last word with a harsh laugh, "has no problem with letting me become a murderer!" He charged at Sirius and pressed him against the wall. Sirius was looking at him steadily, grasping the hand at his neck, but making no attempt to pry it off. "It's not enough that I'm a horrible monster! Why not live with blood on my hands for the rest of my fucking life! I'm already designed to be a brutal animal every damn month, but why not have me live with being a killer?" He screamed.

James had never in his life seen Remus act this way, but he couldn't blame him, and he couldn't save Sirius, not to destroy the other. Sirius, for his part, made no attempt to defend himself, but offered no more apologies. He was very still with a glint of steel in his eyes, willing with all the power he had not to break down. He had no right to do that. He couldn't even unintentionally grasp for the compassion he frankly didn't deserve.

"You are no friend, Sirius Black," Remus spat. "I don't even know if you're human."

"Remus," James said softly.

Remus did turn his gaze on James, when he did, he slowly let go of Sirius and took a step back. With a pained look, he shook his head. "I won't be like you." Sirius finally flinched at the words, and James bowed his head. The whole scene was painful to watch; their undeniable, unbreakable unity was crumbling around them and James could do nothing to help it.

Remus sat down on the edge of his bed and his shoulders slumped, the fight had gone out of him. "I thought I needed you. I thought if I had someone… someone just to help me suffer through this, that it might be bearable. But, I would be better off if you had never known. And if one of my best friends will use it against me, then I can't trust anybody."

Sirius hadn't moved, but he gulped as Remus looked at him again. "I'm sorry," he said hoarsely.

"So am I," Remus said simply. "But we live and learn, don't we, _Padfoot_?" The nickname was said with the fiercest sarcasm, reminding them all of how those exclusive names were birthed, how that intense intimacy was shattered. Remus buried his face in his hands and didn't speak. James watched him carefully and Sirius just turned and left, unable to stand it anymore.

#######################################################################################################

That night, it took James a few seconds upon entering the common room to realize that Lily was actually standing by the portrait hole waiting for him. He stopped in his tracks.

"You're here," he stated.

She raised her eyebrows and nodded at his obvious proclamation. "Yeah."

When they left Gryffindor Tower, she didn't even suggest that they split up and he was too preoccupied to really enjoy that little fact.

_Remus didn't move when the door closed behind Sirius. James didn't make a noise, but stood a safe distance away and studied his friend. Suddenly and without provocation, sobs began to shake Remus' lean form. The sound was muffled while he pressed his hands to his face. James looked away embarrassedly, but didn't see how he could leave the room without calling attention to himself. So he stayed where he was while Remus mourned the loss of his friend and his innocence._

"James." He looked to his side to see Lily walking alongside him, concern apparent in her face.

He rubbed the top of his head, mussing his hair further. "Sorry, what?"

"That classroom is open. Do you think we should check to see if anyone's in there?" She repeated.

James shook his head. "I doubt there's anyone in there. One of the professors must have left it open on accident."

Lily shrugged and looked ahead.

"So we're talking again?" He knew this was rather bold, but he wasn't in the mood to tiptoe around big issues. Lily blushed faintly, but rolled her eyes to conceal the other reaction.

"What are you talking about, Potter?" It was until she used his surname again that he realized she had called him 'James' before.

"So it's back to 'Potter' now?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You called me 'James' about two seconds ago."

She looked at him incredulously. "That is your name, right?"

"I know, I just didn't know you did."

She sighed. "I've called you James before."

"Must've slipped my mind, or you've lost yours. Because I couldn't name a time when –"

"I did that night!" She yelled, infuriated with the interrogation. Then she stopped short and looked at him shyly.

James shuffled his feet like a little boy. "Oh. I wasn't sure that counted for anything."

She looked at him miserably, wanting desperately to just be with him and talk with him, but keeping herself carefully reined in. "Of course it counts." She wondered how much he would read into that.

"Well then I wish you would go back to hating me, because you at least didn't ignore me back then." He smirked. He was feeling a little reckless with her. He was no longer willing to be patient and play the waiting game. Something had to be good in his life, and it would have to be Lily.

"I wasn't... ignoring you," she denied unconvincingly. When James snorted, she hit him, their old, unwillingly enjoyable comradeship returning. "I just needed to think."

"About what?"

She shook her head. "What happened that night?" She asked, changing tacks.

His entire demeanor changed and he glared at her almost reluctantly. So much for comradeship. "You were there."

"Yes," she conceded. "But it was blatantly obvious that I was missing something."

"Don't change the subject, Lily. We were talking about how you haven't even looked at me for days." He faced her, not about to be put off any longer. "Why?"

She swallowed and looked down, and the gesture reminded him of Remus, only a few hours ago. She looked scared... or ashamed, maybe both. He was getting impatient with the complication that seemed to smother his life ever since that godforsaken night. He now knew what it meant when people said that no good deed goes unpunished. "Why, Lily?" He asked more firmly.

"Is this about Snape?" At this, he won a piercing stare.

"What?" She gasped.

"I don't know. But you were… friends… at one time. Are you mad about the prank?"

"No! It's not your fault! And this has nothing to do with Snape!"

"Well then, what?" He demanded. "You used to be able to, at the very least, stand the sight of me! Now…"

"Now, it's far more than that!" She shot back heatedly. There was a beat of silence in which she moaned in frustration and he frowned in confusion.

"What does that mean? You're driving me insane!"

"Well it goes both ways!"

They were getting nowhere fast, back to screaming in each other's faces. James was feeling courageous tonight. He just wanted to sort this out, and he didn't care how. "Tell me what you think, when you see me. Tell me what is going on in your ridiculous, confusing-as-hell, head!"

She pressed her hands to the sides of her head in exasperation. "How am I supposed to tell you that when I don't even know myself? I'm sorry if I'm not all that comfortable with hating you one minute and liking you the next!"

At her words, something clicked in his head. He was intoxicated with the audacity that comes with having nothing to lose. He took a step forward. "You haven't hated me, not for a long time, Lily. Be honest with yourself."

Her eyes widened and she looked stonily at him. "You're wrong."

"No, I'm not."

"I don't have to listen to this." She turned to stalk off with what dignity she had left, when he grabbed her arm.

"Wait." He pulled her into him as she turned back and they met face-to-face, their breaths intermingling.

"What?" She asked weakly. Their proximity to each other had done something to her. She had never experienced it before, and it was the most bittersweet thing she had ever felt.

He let out a low chuckle as he looked deeply into her eyes. She wanted to look away or blink, but she couldn't. He wasn't letting her escape, but she didn't know how he was doing it.

"I hate you," she whispered childishly as their lips met. Their connection was alchemic. His lips were warm and soft and felt so good she wanted to drop into a puddle on the ground. Her heart was pounding, but their lips moved against each other's slowly and rhythmically, not to the same beat. She vaguely felt him wrap his arms around her waist and pull her closer, if it were possible. Her hands traveled to his neck and the kiss deepened. She moaned and parted her lips; his tongue slipped in obligingly.

That was it. When she felt his tongue, it jarred her back to reality. She pulled back, blushing furiously. He didn't let her out of the embrace completely, but looked stricken.

"Lily," he looked at her and something in her face forced him to drop his arms.

"James," she whispered. She put a trembling hand to her mouth. "Oh god. That shouldn't have happened."

He inwardly cursed and screamed '_Why?_' as he watched her reaction.

She pulled a hand through her hair anxiously and looked up at him. "I'm sorry," her voice shook.

He came into her space again and she stepped away again. "What's the matter with you?"

Her green eyes were big and sparkled oddly in the little light of the corridor. "I don't know." She answered truthfully. "I –I have to go." With that, she took off running back to Gryffindor Tower.

It was stupid. She didn't know what she had been thinking and yet, she didn't know what she was thinking now. Why did she kiss him? Why did she run away?

She wanted to cry with confusion, because she wasn't just hurting herself. If she couldn't face him before, how would she face him now?

One thing was certain, she had kissed James Potter once, and she didn't think it was possible to ever stop.

################################################################################################

It was very late when Sirius finally found himself back in the Gryffindor common room. It was empty, or so he had thought until he spotted someone concealed by an armchair by the fire. It was Maggie.

The curly-haired girl turned when she heard footsteps and saw a very disheveled Sirius standing in the middle of the room, looking very unsure. Without a thought, she got to her feet and went to him. "Sirius, what are you doing?"

It was as if he was staring right through her. "I…" His voice was rough, like he hadn't used it in a while. He shrugged and threw himself onto the couch. "What does it matter?" For some reason, he seemed to find these next words very funny began laughing immoderately. He only laughed more when he saw her looking at him like he was crazy.

"What do you want?" He sounded bored.

She sat next to him. "Are you okay?"

His facial expression didn't change, and he seemed dissatisfied with the question. "Do I look okay?"

"Appearances can be deceiving," she gave him the once-over. "Though, maybe not with you.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "No, Shaw. Appearances are very deceiving, especially in my case. Even I had deluded myself into thinking that I wasn't a pit of disappointment, isn't that a joke?"

She jumped at the chance to comfort him. "You're a great guy, Sirius. Don't say that."

His gaze was disarming and intense. "You don't know me."

He looked absolutely ravaged by something and it made pity well up inside her. She placed a hand on his cheek. "Maybe I've been watching closer than you think."

"Yeah?"

She smiled a little. "You are good, Sirius Black."

His eyes were filled with trepidation, but she knew that it had nothing to do with her. He leaned in with more speed than she realized and kissed her. As he pulled back, she looked at him reassuringly.

"You're good." He seemed to like that, because he kissed her again. His kisses were fierce and desperate, she wasn't sure what was fueling them, but she didn't think on it for long. They stayed that way until he pulled back a minute later.

"Say it again," he pleaded. He was sporting a pitiful expression that looked very wrong on his face. Sirius was always the epitome of confidence. It scared her, so she nodded and repeated her words.

"You're good." He pulled her against him and resumed kissing. He was a very good kisser, probably from the truth of his reputation as a womanizer. But who cared about that now? Maggie wanted him to kiss her if just for tonight, and Sirius wanted something... anything, to put the horror from his mind.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Don't own

A/N: I'm really sorry about the unusually long wait, and God-willing, that won't happen again. I ran into some personal problems and didn't have the time or energy to write. And this is also a little shorter than usual, so I'm sorry about that too. There's lots going on in the story right now and I'm trying not to rush, so please bear with me. Anyway, I love and appreciate all of you readers and especially those who review!

Chapter 12:

Remus had fled the boy's dormitories fully-clothed before James had time to yawn and stretch. As the door slammed, he caught Sirius' expression flicker from deep interest in buttoning his shirt to a painful twinge of regret. If James had blinked, he would have missed the shadow that crossed Sirius' eyes. But it took a moment for him to gather his bearings from yesterday and all of the emotional upheaval that came with it.

Sirius also left the room, determinedly avoiding everyone's eye. James watched him go, thinking about how he had left the day before, and how he didn't come back until after everyone else had long gone to sleep. James was suddenly scared of what would happen next. What would he say to Remus, or Sirius, for that matter? It didn't seem like they wanted to face him anymore than he wanted to face them.

And that wasn't all, James realized with a pang. Lily...

A very depressing feeling descended on James. He suddenly felt as if someone he knew was dead. And maybe something had died last night… at least as far as he was concerned. His fear of the day doubled at the thought of seeing Lily again. He was at a loss of what to do, and it would be very selfish and ridiculous to take his problem to Sirius. He couldn't talk to Remus either, for the same reason.

Since James had begun his rather terrifying contemplation of the day ahead, the dormitories had emptied. No one had cheerfully berated him or told him to hurry or he would be late. Who was left to do so? James threw on his pants with a low sigh and began dressing slower than he could afford to. It was going to be a long and silent day.

####################################################################################################

"Okay, either tell me why that stupid smile has been on your face all morning or I refuse to walk with you to the rest of our classes." Lily huffed with a glare.

Maggie look at her as petulantly as she could with a humongous grin plastered on her face. "I'm not smiling," she contradicted pitifully. Lily scoffed and began to speed ahead of her, at which point, Maggie grabbed her hand and yanked her back, laughing lightly.

"Don't go! Alright, I'll tell you."

Lily crossed her arms expectantly and stared seriously at her best friend. "Well?"

Maggie glanced around them and shook her head. "Not here, though."

Lily rolled her eyes. "It can't be that secretive. Usually happy things aren't secrets."

Maggie stopped for a moment to mull over Lily's words. "Maybe it's not happy, then." She smirked at the red-headed girl's puzzled expression. "And what has gotten into you, today? You've been grumpy all morning."

Lily shrugged in annoyance. "I don't want to talk about me; I want to know why my best friend is so insufferably happy!"

Maggie grimaced and grabbed Lily's hand again, pulling her into an empty classroom. "You should try it sometime."

When they were very much alone and the door was closed, Lily pounced. "Now will you come out with it?" She knew that she had spent the better part of the morning jumping down Maggie's throat, as well as anyone else who had the audacity to speak to her, but it was better than the alternative. To her, last night was the most wonderful mistake of her life, but it was not to be repeated. Distraction was needed, and it came in the form of her weirdly ecstatic friend.

Maggie frowned slightly, but then sat down at a desk with a guilty grin. "I did something... different... last night."

"There seems to be a lot of that going around," Lily replied dryly, before she could catch herself. Luckily, Maggie was too interested in her own life to pick up on the obvious slip. Maggie clenched her eyes shut for a moment, almost unaware of the other girl.

"I kissed him," she declared. It dropped from her mouth quickly, as if she didn't want the words on her lips for too long.

Lily felt a jolt. This was eerily familiar territory and she couldn't keep the tremor of disbelief from her voice. "Kissed who?"

"Sirius Black," Maggie whispered.

"You kissed… Sirius?" She couldn't believe this. Suddenly everything felt so tangled up and more confusing, if possible.

"Yes," Maggie snapped.

"Why?"

That was the question. Maggie didn't really know the answer herself; she sighed and looked away. "It was… it's hard to explain. He was just there all of the sudden and he looked really upset." She paused. "He was acting odd."

"How?" Lily said suspiciously.

"He was laughing at nothing one minute, and the next he was brooding and … insulting himself."

"Insulting himself? That doesn't sound like Sirius," Lily said.

"It sounds like the opposite of Sirius," Maggie suddenly put a hand to her mouth. "He wasn't himself." She looked up at Lily for some reason, maybe for confirmation. Lily shook her head and shrugged.

"I don't know what you're getting at."

Maggie stood up and walked to the other end of the room. "What if he only kissed me because he was out of his right mind?" She faced Lily and the redhead noticed that her friend was on the verge of tears. "He only kissed me because he was upset and needed someone?"

Lily shook her head. "W-what?" She was startled by Maggie's sudden hysterics.

"I should've noticed! He was so un-like himself last night and he wanted comfort, and I thought…" She resumed pacing and Lily stared after her.

"Well… you only kissed him, right? You didn't… do anything else?"

"No! How could you think that?"

Lily sputtered angrily. "Well then, what's the big deal? You kissed him, so what? It's not irreversible or anything!"

Maggie didn't answer but went very still, and in that silence, Lily got a closer look at Maggie's expression and understood. "Oh, you don't…" Maggie raised her eyebrows. "You fancy him?"

Maggie rolled her eyes. "It's not like you didn't know that before."

Lily shifted and looked at her triumphantly. "I knew you were attracted to him, but this…"

"_This_ is nothing," she shot back emphatically.

"Stop lying. You wouldn't have been so upset if it was just a kiss with someone you didn't care about."

Maggie spread her arms, gesticulating. "Then you see my problem!" Lily smirked as Maggie continued. "He didn't kiss me because he likes me, and now, I—"she dropped off and fell into a chair.

Lily wiped the smug look off of her face and sat next to her friend. "I don't want to be one of many, Lil. I'm not like that."

Lily searched for something comforting to say, but was blindsided by a thought… a thought that maybe everything from last night was connected somehow. She vaguely realized that James had been a bit off as well. He had been distracted and unusually blunt. She recalled the recklessness in his eyes, like something had left him beyond caring... or caring far too much. Maybe the two best friends had a falling out. That was the simple explanation, but something told Lily that it was far more complicated.

She was brought out of her reverie as Maggie shifted and cleared her throat. "I shouldn't even be thinking about this. Last night was obviously never supposed to happen."

Lily watched as her friend stood. "Maggie…"

Maggie offered her a bland smile. "Just. Don't. It's fine." Lily could do nothing but nod and follow her out of the room. It was then that they ran headlong into Sirius, whose mouth hung open as he stared blankly at the girl he had snogged less than twelve hours ago.

Lily blushed and muttered something about having to go to the library. When neither party acknowledged her, she left them alone quietly. Sirius finally blinked and swallowed, tearing his eyes away from Maggie. She followed suit, looking anywhere but him.

"Well this is sufficiently awkward," Maggie muttered after a while. She chanced a look at him and couldn't help but notice how disheveled he appeared and how utterly attractive that was.

Sirius cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess that's my fault," he said sheepishly.

Maggie blinked, and Sirius took that as his cue to backtrack smoothly. "I mean, I don't regret… anything. I'm just…" he cut himself off with a sigh. He finally looked at her and smiled slightly. "I'm trying to say that you were… great, about everything last night. I really needed someone to be there and… you were." He finished lamely.

Maggie nodded politely, but seemed mildly embarrassed by his speech. Sirius found her embarrassment somehow endearing and he began feeling generous. "You could be there more, if you want." He suggested with a tinge of hope to his voice. She looked surprised at first and then opened her mouth.

"Yes, I mean, I do want… to do that." She sputtered. Sirius' face relaxed into its usual confident grin.

"Good. We'll just see how things go." His voice was muffled suddenly as students filtered into the halls, off to their next class. Sirius raised his eyebrows and swept his hand out in invitation. "After you." She rolled her eyes and moved forward, but left room so he could walk at her side.

#####################################################################################################

James was only two feet away from her, walking down the same stretch of corridor with nothing in between them. She was trying harder than she really wanted to avoid him. It was that stupid magnetic feeling she was getting whenever she was within proximity to him. It was making everything worse.

James wasn't trying to get her attention; he wasn't even looking at her. She would have believed that he hadn't noticed her, but how could he not? It happened to _her_ every time she was in the same room with the arrogant Quidditch captain. Like her body was programmed to sense his presence and send heat all the way to her fingertips. So, of course, he would be experiencing the same nagging obsession, right? He had only been pining for her since the third year, how could he have a lapse of affection now?

Now she was confusing herself. Did she want to be around him or not? She knew that he annoyed her, but some little voice in her head was not cooperating with this knowledge. She glanced at him covertly and felt a twinge of aggravation at the fact that he wasn't making any moves or pathetic attempts. She wondered what had changed, and then remembered all too well.

Lily closed the distance between James and herself. "Potter."

His head snapped around to face her. "What?"

She tried to show her clear impatience with his inability to grasp her greeting, but ruined that when her voice shot an octave higher as she repeated his surname. Why did he have to look at her?

"Hello," he said carefully. He was so contained, she began to doubt the sureness she had about his feelings. She tried not to think about that, but instead worked to alleviate the weirdness that had sprung up between them. It never happened, she told herself.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked innocently.

He frowned and his walking pace slowed considerably. "No," he cleared his throat. "But I thought that you would…"

"That I would what? Have you been asked to have another one of those career evaluation things? Apparently not everyone was requested to make a meeting." She said quickly. Small talk was good. Until she remembered that they never made small talk. Their 'talk' consisted of him harassing her and her silencing him with a cutting remark. So much for 'back to normal.' Her heart started beating faster when he frowned in an amused sort of way.

"Uh… yeah, I was asked to schedule a meeting with McGonagall, but…" he stopped walking and looked at her fully to study her face. "Are you really talking to me?"

She laughed lightly, but it sounded wrong even to her. "Yes, Potter. I'm talking to you. Unless you don't want me to."

"No, it's not that," he said immediately. "But after last night—"

"Last night?" She cut him off. He stared at her, more perturbed than ever.

"While we were patrolling the corridors," he hinted. He wasn't sure what game she was playing, but he knew she hadn't simply forgotten what transpired. She continued to watch him blankly and he finally understood. Without warning, anger filled his chest and he took a deep and vicious breath. "Are you kidding?"

"What?" She seemed startled by the abrupt change in mood.

"Don't play dumb." He snapped. "Because we aren't going to pretend that nothing happened."

"Yes, because avoidance is better!" She shot back. "I'm just trying to make this whole thing easier."

"For who?" He asked incredulously. "And I wasn't—I thought that you didn't want me around you... last night you ran away. I'm just trying to do this right, to give you what you want," he clutched at his untidy hair, as if he was trying to rip it out.

His words hit a nerve, and Lily squeezed her eyes shut and turned away from him. He grasped her arm and pulled her back. "Oh no. You came over here for a reason, and I want to know why."

She wrenched out of his grip and shook her head. It had only just occurred to her how stupid this all seemed. He sighed at her stubbornness. "Look, I can't... I can't do this with you right now." Something in his voice drew her eyes to his for the first time since she had walked over to him. His appearance surprised her in a very unpleasant way; he looked about one hundred years old and worn. She briefly wondered if his tired face had anything to do with her.

"I'm sorry," she said automatically, though she hadn't exactly pinpointed what she was sorry for. Certainly James could come up with a few things.

As they continued to look at each other, his face softened a little. "You don't need to be," he murmured, and then smiled ruefully and shook his head. "But you don't have the slightest idea how much I just …" he searched for what to say. "All I've wanted is you," he said simply. "And it's so hard. Why does it have to be so hard?"

She suddenly felt tears spring to her eyes for the slightest second before she blinked them back, praying he didn't see them. "This obviously isn't a good time. If I had known…"

He smirked. "What? You would've baked me sympathy cookies?"

"No! God, Potter, you're insufferable!" She glared and then went on awkwardly. "I wouldn't have even spoken to you if I had known that you were... well... you look like hell." She told him.

"Thanks, Evans." He said it sarcastically, but with a note of fondness that only he held in his voice when she was at her worst.

"We don't have to talk about… us," she uttered the word reluctantly. "Maybe you could tell me what's bothering you?" She blushed as soon as the words left her mouth, and she saw the look that he gave her. It was a very unwilling and wary expression. He obviously didn't know what to make of her and her... concern. Then he laughed shortly and threw a hand through his hair in that way she had previously hated so much.

"Well, this is ironic. Any other time, I would have given my wand arm for you to come to me like this and be nice to me and, well, everything you haven't done for the past four years," he dropped off, looking guilty.

"But now?" She prompted, seeing where this was heading. It seemed like laying all of his feelings on the table had become something of a habit for him as far as she was concerned. She once again, briefly wondered if all of these little things had some connection, and then remembered that she was having an intimate conversation with James Potter in some strange twist of fate. She turned her attention to his gaze, which had darkened considerably since she had spoken.

"But now… God, Lily! What do you want me to say?" His eyes widened frantically. "Nothing is right, and I can't—I can't talk about this and I can't talk about us. I can't even think about it!"

Lily raised her hand angrily to halt his speech. "Woah. I'm not asking for anything!" She retorted vehemently. "And I'm sorry about whatever is going on, but what do you expect me to do? You won't tell me anything and I'm suppose to know when exactly you can pencil me in so we can discuss… discuss…" He watched her with only a hint of eagerness and something in her wilted. She shook her head. "Truthfully, I don't know what in bloody hell I'm doing standing here, talking to you. And if you hadn't," her voice lowered to a whisper, "_kissed_ me, I wouldn't be acting like this!" Quite frankly, if she were confused before, it was nothing to how she felt now, but the omission out-loud seemed to awake her more to that fact.

As he watched her, a ghost of a smile passed his lips. "Good. At least I affected you in some way. You know, Evans, they say that indifference is the opposite of love, so maybe there is hope yet." There was the arrogant toerag she knew. Then he looked at her sadly. "Can't we just stop right here and start again later? I need to fix something. I have to fix it."

Lily wanted to look at him with the intensity she only had with James and demand that he tell her what was going on, but she didn't. Instead, she smirked at him and turned to walk away. "Then fix it, James." She had almost disappeared from sight when she turned back for a moment. "And don't read too much into this. I haven't admitted to anything."

That last was rewarded with genuine laughter. James felt very palpable regret when she was gone. Damn this trouble with the Marauders! He could see it happening a week from now: her denying that this whole conversation ever took place, and himself losing the one chance he had of making Lily Evans his.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: Alright, school has started, so that's why this update took long (although the last one was admittedly, longer). I try to write as much as I can, but it may get crazy at times. I am planning on seeing this through to the end, unless of course you are sick of it. If so, tell me. If not, tell me. I love reviews :). Enjoy!

Chapter 13:

It took two days for James to finally corner Sirius. "Come on, mate. You think I don't see what you are doing?"

Sirius looked up from his bag without preamble and glanced indifferently at his friend. "I haven't made much of a secret of anything, so I don't know what you mean."

James suppressed a sigh. "You've been avoiding me and everyone else since that whole thing with Remus."

"Don't talk about that," Sirius said quietly.

"When would I get the chance? I hardly see you. Nobody sees you anymore." Sirius turned and began walking. James followed, matching Sirius' brisk pace.

"Look, I'm not alone," Sirius said after a minute. "How would you know anyway?" He asked wryly.

James finally grabbed Sirius' shoulder and pulled him around. They were right near the Gryffindor portrait hole during lunch, so not many people were passing. "That's not my fault." James said fiercely.

Sirius refused to look at him, but stared guiltily at the floor and bit his tongue. "No," he conceded. "But I don't want to talk about it, and I'm not about to just so you can feel better."

James clenched his jaw angrily. "That's not what this is about!"

"Then what is it about, James? Are you telling me that we should be hanging out just like old times, chatting it up about Quidditch? Because I can't!" He hissed, pulling away from James' grip.

"We don't have to talk about it," James stated.

"But it will always be there. And Remus won't forgive me and everyone who knows will…"

James shook his head. "I don't think of you any differently. That's the point. That's why I'm your friend."

Sirius looked at James hard and let out a low breath. "You're either lying or a complete idiot."

It was fortunate that James had been Sirius' best mate since they were eleven, or James may not have taken these words for the challenge that they were. And there he was, daring James to give up on their friendship because he was ashamed.

"I know that you would do anything for your friends, Sirius. Does that make me a liar or an idiot?"

Sirius scoffed. "Nah, you're right. Unless, of course, it's a matter of branding one of my friends a killer for the rest of his life." He began laughing far too loudly at his own joke, and it scared James enough to get right in his face.

"Will you knock it off? I know you! Don't tell me who you are!" Sirius smirked at James' words, which further infuriated him.

"If I don't, mate, then who will?"

James shook his head in disbelief. "If you think... if you actually believe what you're saying..." He ran a hand through his hair. "Is this what it's going to be like, Padfoot? You're going to fall apart every time you make a mistake? You're going to isolate yourself from anyone who cares about you?"

Sirius' face hardened. "I'm not the one that's falling apart. And if you are so intent on playing shrink, then why don't you check on our pal, Moony? Because what he has gone through is much worse than anything I'm feeling at the moment." With that, Sirius shouldered his bag and stalked away. James watched him go, frozen on the spot.

"I'm not letting this go, Sirius." James said simply. Sirius paused for the slightest moment, and then continued on his way. James let out a deep breath and looked around, not searching for anything in particular. Finally, he just turned and muttered the password to the Fat Lady, climbing through the portrait hole.

###############################################################################################

Lily looked up from her pastime of sending colorful puffs of smoke from her wand when Maggie suddenly rose from her bed and headed out the door. "Where are you going?"

Momentarily, Maggie's eyes flickered over to where Kate and Anise were reclining on their respective beds, and then she shrugged with attempted easiness. "To see Sirius." Lily followed Maggie's gaze to the other two. Anise had a slow smile spreading across her face and Kate was looking at Maggie with slightly narrowed eyes. Her expression was unreadable and displayed no more than that her attention had been grabbed.

"What's going on?" Anise asked in a knowing voice.

Maggie smirked. "Nothing."

Kate raised her eyebrows. "If you can't do better than that, you might as well tell us." Then the first signs of amusement appeared on her face. "You and Sirius Black?"

Maggie groaned. "No! It's not like that." At their very unconvinced faces, she corrected herself. "Well, maybe a little bit like that. We aren't an official ...anything."

"That sounds promising."

Lily spun on her dark-haired, sarcastic friend. "Kate!"

Kate's deceivingly innocent-looking eyes met Lily's. "I just meant that, with Sirius, it might be good to have a label of some sort. Just so you are both clear on what is going on."

Maggie looked darkly at the two of them. "We are clear. And labels are exactly what we don't need."

Now it was Kate's turn to smirk. "So you admit that something is going on with you and Black."

Maggie scowled. "Fine. Yeah."

Anise jumped a little on her bed in excitement. "Well then, tell us! How did this happen? What do—"

Maggie cut her off and threw an anxious look at the door. "I promise I'll tell you later. But I'm supposed to meet him and I'm already late."

Lily grinned and waved her fingers at her friend. "Mustn't keep him waiting."

Maggie slammed the door a little harder than necessary on her friends' laughter. As the giggling subsided, Anise frowned at Lily. "Speaking of the Marauders, what is going on with you and James?"

For a moment, Lily forgot how to breath and a strange, exciting panic rose in her stomach at his name. The feeling made her blush visibly, and Kate and Anise both smiled widely. She cursed her lack of control over something like keeping composure. Was this really what it was going to be like every time she heard his bloody name?

Her laughter was breathless as she looked at them. "No story there," she answered in half-honesty. There was nothing going on between them, at least nothing that she had willingly agreed upon. As for these new, physical, reactions to all things James Potter-related, she didn't know if that was a mutual problem. And she was too proud to own up to these embarrassing developments. They eyed her incredulously and she shrugged. "I'm not lying. We're just friends."

Kate snorted impertinently. "The statement is one of the most overused and dishonest assessments of a relationship that ever was created."

Lily glared tiredly, unwilling to explore the confusing confines of her mind. "Nice to know that my friends trust me."

Anise spared a glance at Kate before turning to Lily sympathetically. "She doesn't mean that." Kate raised an eyebrow, but Anise went on undeterred. "But we are here if you want to talk about anything," her dimpled smile was creeping back into her face, "especially James."

"Right. I'll remember that," Lily told her ungratefully. She stood and gathered her things while the other two watched.

"Going somewhere?"

"Library." Lily tossed over her shoulder. "It's quiet there."

When Kate and Anise were alone in the dormitories, Anise turned to Kate. "You know, you were a little... harsher than usual. Is there a reason for that?"

Kate gave her a patronizing look. "It's not my fault they both left. And somebody has to say what they don't want to hear. I guess it has to be me."

Anise rolled her eyes. "What a saint!"

Kate threw a pillow carelessly at her friend, who only caught it and giggled, as usual.

#################################################################################################

It was late, so Lily gave a start when she saw Remus sitting at a table in the library alone, when she turned the corner. His head was bowed over a thick book and there was only a thin stream of light coming from his lantern. The rest of the room was lit sparingly on account of the hour.

Lily moved to say hello, he was her friend after all, but then she stopped. She was close enough to see the tenseness of his posture and his downcast eyes. He was very still and intense. She was absolutely sure that something was not right, and she guiltily thought of her neglect of their friendship lately. To be fair, she hadn't really had the opportunity to make nice. She realized that she had rarely even seen him for the past two weeks, with the exception of class. What had he been doing? And why did he look so... awful?

Lily approached quietly, afraid that any sudden movements would incite an emotionally-unhinged outburst, which he didn't look far from doing anyway. "Hey, Remus," she greeted him softly. He raised his head so slowly, she wondered how long he had known that she was there.

"Lily," he said calmly. His face was thrown into relief when he looked up and she saw it clearly for the first time. It was similar to how James' face had looked the last time she had spoken to him, except the tired pain in his was harsher. She swallowed nervously at his ravaged expression.

Remus was very perceptive, and he caught her anxiety and smiled dryly. "I'm fine," he told her.

Some of her uneasiness dissipated when he said that. She sat down next to him and shook her head kindly. "No, you're not." He looked back at the book he had been studying, and he closed it, keeping his eyes trained on the table. "Do you want to talk?"

He made a short noise of amusement and shook his head. She was almost indignant, until he continued. "You are so nice, Lily," he said it with a hint of apology, like he wished that she wasn't.

"You're my friend. There's nothing incredibly nice about asking how you are doing when something is obviously wrong."

Again, he shook his head. "You don't know what I mean. You are always so kind, even when someone doesn't deserve it."

She thought of James again. "I can't agree with that." She tried to bring her thoughts back to the moment at hand and turned her head to him. He was looking into the darkness; his mind was clearly far away. She touched his arm and his gaze shifted to her.

"You could keep a secret." He whispered.

It was a simple statement, not an offer to tell her something or even a ploy to make her swear how trustworthy she was. So she didn't respond.

"I hate secrets. They are constantly on your mind, and you have to lie to cover them up. They keep you from having faith in anyone. But sometimes they are necessary. We have no choice but to keep them, and then they destroy us."

Hearing him talk like this made her sad. Remus was very soft-spoken, but always optimistic and wise, always thinking the best of a person. Now, his words were jaded and bitter.

"Remus," she waited until he made eye contact, "what has happened to you?"

His features took on a look of numb devastation and he frowned slightly. "I don't know. I didn't do anything. Nothing really happened."

She prompted him with a look of confusion. "I'm scared. I've been nothing but scared for the past two weeks, because I don't know..." His voice trembled and he had to pause to steady himself. "I don't know... what I'm capable of. We can be so evil and so dangerous without even trying."

"What do you mean?" She felt like she was being driven around in circles, with her destination close enough to reach. She put her hand on his. "You aren't..." she laughed at the absurdity of it. "You aren't evil or dangerous at all. What brought this on?"

At first, his face turned to stone, and then he looked at her again and gently removed his hand from underneath hers. "I'm sorry, Lils. I didn't mean to say all of this."

"You didn't say enough," she said ruefully.

The corners of his mouth turned upward by the smallest bit. "Trust me, I said enough." He stood up and stretched. She followed suit, unable to stay by herself with all of these confusing occurrences to piece together.

"You look tired. Have you slept at all?"

He shook his head as he gathered his book up in his arms. "I want to get some sleep."

"Well, let's walk back." He looked about to protest, so she quickly added, "We don't have to talk, I promise." He nodded and allowed her to go ahead.

As they walked through the dark hallway, Remus sighed. "You know, you have this quality about you that makes it so easy for someone to just... tell you everything."

She raised her eyebrows. "Thanks?"

"It's nice, but it could be bad too. Do you want to be burdened with everyone's problems?"

She shook her head vehemently. "I can't even deal with my own."

He didn't say anything after that, and they entered the common room without a word. When she saw James standing there, she had that familiar swooping feeling. Thankfully, she seemed to be getting used to it, because she was able to read his expression with a clear head. James wanted to talk to Remus, maybe this was what he meant by 'fixing everything.' It gave her some semblance of relief.

Lily gave him a soft smile and then said good-night to Remus. She walked up the stairs but stopped at the top within earshot of the two. The burning curiosity was taking over her feeling of calm.

James spoke first. "I've missed you, mate."

There was a shuffling noise. "I've been here the whole time."

"Can't you—"

"No." That deathly stillness had returned to Remus' voice, and then wavered. "Prongs, I can't just forget. Don't you think that I would try if I could? What if he had done it to you?"

James was silent. "Moony, I'm sorry. It shouldn't have happened. But Sirius—"

"But that's what Sirius does, right? He doesn't think, he wants revenge, he wants to protect everyone... and then it either works out or it fails miserably. It's always a gamble, James, and I can't afford to play right now. He almost cost me..."

Lily leaned towards the stairs, craning to hear the intense conversation.

"Look, I _know_. I'm not pushing you, I wouldn't do that. But Sirius is not like that, and he never meant to hurt you. I don't think I've ever seen him regret anything the way he has this time."

"I—"

"He sees it. You may not think so, but he understands the full extent of what he did."

There was a pause. "I know." Another beat. "But it doesn't change it."

"Well, it's changed _him_. He hasn't been himself since... since he saw you that night."

"I get it. But I have to be able to wrap my head around this before I can even think about Sirius and everything going back to normal." There was another pregnant pause, and then Remus continued, softer. "I'm sorry, James. This isn't fair to you. You stuck your neck out for me, and you know I won't forget that."

James sighed. "It's what we do, Moony. I know you'd do the same."

"I would," came the earnest response.

Lily heard another shuffle, then a clapping sound followed by the rustle of clothing. She assumed they had hugged or clapped each other on the back. It didn't matter anyway.

"Mate, you look a mess. Think about getting an hour or two of sleep, maybe?"

Their laughter faded up the juxtaposed flight of stairs as they climbed up to the dormitories. Lily breathed easier when she heard a door open and close.

Sirius.

Sirius was the key. Whatever happened was between Sirius and Remus, with James playing both bystander and savior.

It all seemed to fit into that night on the Quidditch pitch and then the hospital wing. James running off, returning with a wounded Snape and obviously angry with his best friend. And Sirius was really torn up about his part in it, that much she could tell.

_"The worst thing I've ever done."_

Whatever it was had been consuming him as far back as then.

The part that puzzled her was the involvement of Remus. She hadn't seen him that entire night, and she had no idea where he could have been a player in all of this. But if James had saved Snape, and Remus mentioned that James had 'saved his neck,' then he was most likely with Snape that night.

Why hadn't James returned with both? And if there had been a choice between the two, why Snape? Lily knew firsthand the kind of contempt James had reserved for Snape, so why choose enemy over friend?

Or perhaps Lily was completely wrong about this. She tried to dismiss her theory, but she couldn't ignore the obvious perfections of her solution. The only missing piece was Remus.

She hadn't even begun to dissect Remus' cryptic rambling in the library. She was going to have a throbbing headache by the end of the night. Lily turned to the door of the girls' dormitories and remembered with a jolt that Maggie had now been inserted into this. Maggie was with Sirius.

Or Maggie was with some form of Sirius, because according to James and Maggie herself, he had not come out of this incident unscathed. On top of all the speculations currently swarming around in her head was the worry that Maggie may get hurt. She had fancied Sirius before all of this, but Sirius had only really noticed her after. Lily didn't know why Sirius would turn to Maggie, but maybe the reason was as simple as the fact that she was just... there. Hopefully, that wasn't true.

If Sirius was looking for redemption through Maggie, then there would be nothing but trouble. Sirius had to save himself, had to hear Remus' forgiveness. Maggie couldn't do a single thing about that.

########################################################################################################

James smiled a little when he finally heard Remus' even and slow breathing. He wondered if Lily had spoken to Remus, if she had done something to help him. One thing that James was certain of was that Remus may actually be able to come to peace with everything that had happened. Forgiveness may not come immediately, but…

James could be thankful that Remus' own misery and rage had not blinded him from remembering who Sirius was. Of course, Remus couldn't accept the actions for what they were, but he also didn't irrationally find fault with Sirius' motives, especially when Sirius hadn't exactly rushed to defend his actions. And that was one of Sirius' greatest strengths: he would own the worst of himself unflinchingly. He had no delusions about some of his less desirable qualities, which often led him to think less of himself than he should. It was something of a double-edged sword.

James was surprised that Sirius had been in bed before James and Remus had ascended the stairs. It made him more at ease to know that Sirius wasn't out doing something impulsive. He couldn't always get lucky. It was strange to know that having all the Marauders in one room, sleeping or lying awake, gave James some modicum of comfort. It wasn't 'all better,' but at least it had potential. It was too hard to have so much hang in the balance, awaiting life before this disaster.

Something very much in limbo was his relationship with Lily. He had been worried that she might not wait for him, or excuse herself by pleading temporary insanity. Then he had seen the smile gracing her features as she had left him and Remus alone. That smile had been for him and only him. That smile gave him hope.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: Sorry this took so long, but school is getting the better of me :(. This chapter is mostly filler for what is to come, but hopefully it's not so awful… Enjoy and please do some R&R!

Chapter 14:

"Remus." Lily smiled when she saw him approaching. He was looking healthier, but it still seemed as if he went around wearing one, somber facial expression these days. "How is... everything?"

He blinked, before laughing. "It couldn't have gotten much worse."

Lily didn't know exactly how bad things were before, so she laughed too. "Is there a reason you sought me out? If this is about prefect duty, I really can't trade your time with anyone."

He turned so he was facing her and fell back onto the couch in the common room. "No, I'm fine for that. I just wanted to have a word."

She sat next to him. "Is this about last night?"

He squinted, as if he didn't know how to answer. "In a way." He shifted to the side to face her again. "I wanted to talk to you about James." Her look was a mix of surprise and anxiety. "I wanted to know if the two of you... I wanted to know if you were..."

Lily made a breathy noise and inched a little off the couch. "Did he ask you to talk to me?"

"No, no! This is my question, and it's important."

"Why?" She looked genuinely confused.

"Because you make James happy, and I want that for him. And I know you like him now."

Lily groaned, but didn't deny it. "And here I thought that you had completely isolated yourself from the outside world."

"I couldn't ignore everything. And it's a little obvious, Lil." He gave her a pitying look, which made her cringe.

"It's not that bad. I'll never moon over James Potter, you'd have to kill me first."

"You wouldn't moon over anyone. But this is the closest I've ever seen you."

She began to scoff, but he gave her a look. "Remember who you're talking to. The guy that lost it in front of you last night. You don't have to pretend or lie to me."

Lily glanced around the room at all of the younger students. She remembered acting just the way they were, sitting by the fire and running around the common room. Her little group of friends would surround a table to talk, and James would constantly be teasing her or taking her books when she spent an entire evening studying.

"Your brain is going to shrivel up!" He would tell her as he stuffed them back into her bag. "Your head is too pretty for that, Evans. I'm doing society a favor." She would protest, but eventually she would relax and laugh it off. It was about the only time she ever let him get his way. It amazed her even now, how relentless he had been.

"And if I told you that you were right?" She said finally. "What would that mean to you?"

Remus was staring at her intensely. "Let him have you."

She raised her eyebrows. "Well, when you say it like that..."

"I mean it, Lily. He wants to be with you. But he won't because he thinks he needs to fix our friendship, all of us. He can't, but I don't think he's going to give this up. And the last thing I want is for him to put his life on hold especially when it's not his job to repair it."

"Remus, I didn't suggest that he… he asked for time and I gave it to him."

Remus sighed tiredly and sat up. "Do you know how long he's been waiting for you to actually reciprocate his feelings? Do you know how much he talked about you for years?"

"Yes, I know."

"You only know what he felt when he was following you around making smart remarks and asking you out. You weren't there when he would ask us what he was doing wrong, or why you wouldn't say yes, or laugh at his jokes. The first time I ever saw him angry at Sirius, was because Sirius called you a frigid bitch."

"He said that?" Lily couldn't help but feel a little indignant.

"It was years ago, so I wouldn't worry about it. But what I'm trying to say is that I'm not going to stand in the way of James' happiness. He's been dreaming of you for all this time, and if you slip away from him... it'll kill him."

It always shocked Lily that Remus was always so honest and eloquent about his feelings. Guys usually could never identify their feelings, let alone be able to express them coherently to anyone. She was sure that she was now feeling something very strong for James. But she was scared, terrified, of starting something with him. It would mean proving everyone at school right, and leave her a fool; until he broke her heart, and then she would be the right one, and she would be miserable. Neither of those choices sounded very appealing, but she didn't think Remus needed to carry anything else around, so she promised him.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said softly.

"Do more than that. Tell him."

Lily looked away. "He knows how I feel, Remus."

Remus frowned. "After all that you two have been through and all those years of you hating him, you don't think he's going to second-guess that?" She didn't answer, and he stood up. "Please go talk to him, Lily."

He smiled at her gently and left. Lily sat, frozen on the couch, thinking. James should be finishing up Quidditch practice right about now. With new purpose, she stood and headed out the portrait hole.

####################################################################################################

Maggie knew what taking things slowly would mean. It meant very little intimacy, but spending plenty of time together. It also meant an awkward friendship marred with things like sexual tension and the constant anxiety of wondering how slow is "slow"? This wasn't taking things slow.

Maggie found her friendship with Sirius all too easy. He was funny and outgoing and very comfortable with himself if you didn't look too deep. Sirius was all about what existed on the surface, at least right now. He responded and reacted to what went on around him very simply, everything was a joke, some form of entertainment. But he was a little quieter, a little more subdued, and no one who wasn't looking for it would see that.

And it wasn't like she could outright complain about it, Sirius was very polite and easy-going and even surprisingly gentlemanly with her. It was nice, but that wasn't what she thought it would feel like to be with Sirius… nice. And a part of her couldn't help but feel that there was a reason for his slightly unnatural behavior, like he had to hold on to her by being gentle. Then she felt used, and that was the last thing anyone in a relationship wanted to feel.

He was waiting for her outside of Potions class. One of the Slytherins had tipped over her cauldron while rushing out the door, with the rest of her housemates. The Gryffindors had looked around in confusion when the Slytherins had left class so quickly, but disliked them so much on principle, that they didn't think much of it. He smiled at her as she met him at the door. "Glad you could make it, Shaw."

"I'm sure you are." She answered snottily as she strode past him without breaking pace. He sped up to fall in step with her, and they walked in silence.

Maggie wondered if he was uncomfortable, and briefly if she was uncomfortable. If she thought about it too much, embarrassment would creep slowly into the pit of her stomach and she would worry with something akin to panic. Did he grow tired of her? Think she was boring? Did he want it to be quiet? Should she look to see if he's smiling? Then her thoughts would ridicule the pitiful ones she was just having. Why was she freaking out? Why should she be the one to talk? Why is she even worried that she's not good enough for him?

Because feeling used tends to do that to a person.

The grip on her bag slipped and the contents spilled across the floor. Maggie and Sirius bent down to collect her fallen things hurriedly, because people were rushing all around to their next classes. Maggie fingered through the mess before sighing, causing Sirius to look at her in question.

"What's up?"

"I left my Potions ingredients in the dungeons," she huffed in reply. They both stood as she repacked her bag.

"Are you sure you left it?"

"Yeah, just go ahead."

Sirius didn't argue with her, but watched as she turned back down the hallway towards the Potions classroom. His eyes followed her with bored fondness. Maggie was smart and fun to be around, but she deserved much more than he offered her. After all, lately he had felt like he was walking around without an arm or a leg. The Marauders had been everything to him, and nothing could ever come close to making up for that loss. For not the first time, Sirius asked himself if he could do anything to repair that bond. James had been trying and failing miserably, and it seemed that he and Remus had decided to watch their friend's honorable efforts go to waste. Though, honestly, Remus wasn't being completely unfriendly anymore, it was more like he was just keeping his distance. Either way, it didn't look as though the four boys would be returning to their former glory anytime soon, so for now, he had Maggie.

He liked Maggie, but a piece of him knew he was stringing her along. It wasn't that anyone else had grabbed his attention, but he wasn't the type for monogamy. He preferred to keep the opposite sex at arm's reach (not literally, of course) because not only did they confuse him far more than he would ever like to be, but they cried and whined and got you to do things you didn't want to. At least, Maggie didn't do much of any of that, but who knows what would happen if he let her get any closer.

He turned the corner and saw a small figure leaning against a pillar. He recognized Kate's dark curls as she stared intently at something he couldn't see. The corridor was clear, and his footsteps echoed down the stretch. Kate looked up at the sound, and before he could greet her, she put a finger to her lips, pleading for his silence.

At first, Sirius considered being a jerk and disregarding her signal, but he thought better of it and crept over to where she stood. As he reached her, he heard voices about five feet away, and he quickly realized that Kate was listening in on someone. He raised his eyebrows at her briefly before situating himself against the opposite pillar and following her gaze.

He immediately saw exactly what had captured her attention, Slytherins congregating and speaking in hushed tones always boded badly. Especially for Gryffindors.

He spied Lucius Malfoy's white-blond hair as a contrast to the predominantly dark group. He was speaking, his eyes trained on Sirius' cousin, Bella.

"I don't care how easy any of you think this could be," he hissed coldly. "It would be stupid to try anything right now."

There were mutters of discontent at his words, to which Malfoy shook his head. Snape glanced at Malfoy before turning to the group at large. "I agree." He said it quietly, but his voice had that quality that stilled conversation. Nott finally scoffed.

"I don't understand any of you. Those Mudbloods and blood-traitors parade around the school like they own it. We're supposed to allow them to flaunt their arrogance after—"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Nott!" Bella raged. "So shut it."

The seedy boy stared at her defiantly for a moment, and then looked away resolutely. "I think you forget who our dear headmaster is at the moment," at her words, many of the Slytherins shifted uncomfortably.

"Dumbledore. And tell me, what is the point of being thrown out over a poorly thrown-together plan, just so some of you fools can get quick, sloppy revenge?" Her black eyes flitted from face to face, daring them to offer a challenge. No one contradicted her. Sirius and Kate exchanged a look.

"This is going to be done the right way, and it's going to cause maximum damage." Bellatrix smiled glowingly at the thought. "I promise that those Gryffindors will topple off their paper thrones, but it will require _patience_." None of them made a sound, all eyes were glued to her face, hanging on her every word. "And if any one of you ruins this, there will be hell to pay," she whispered dangerously.

She took notice of their enraptured expressions and nodded at Lucius, who stepped forward smoothly. "So we're agreed?"

A murmur of assent rippled through the gathering and they began to disperse. Sirius realized that some of the group was headed their way and he grabbed Kate by the shoulder and flung her around the corner. They ran a little ways away until they ended up at Professor Flitwick's office. Their breath was the only sound as Kate pushed the strap of her bag further towards her neck and Sirius turned back to look the way that they came.

"We need to tell—"

"No!" Kate said forcefully, her brown eyes flashing in warning.

"What are you—"

Kate took a step closer to him. "And what would we tell them? That we overheard the Slytherins whispering something suspicious? We didn't hear anything! Not a time, not a place, just a promise to wait!"

"So, what? We wait for them to actually form a plan?"

"What else can we do, Sirius? We didn't hear anything!"

"Yes, we did!" He yelled back, infuriated by that look on her face, like she was dealing with a stubborn child.

"What?"

He fumbled on his words, which sent the ghost of a smirk across her face. "That... that they were... you know, you heard it too!"

"Yes, I heard them. But we're… we're not going to do anything about it... now."

Sirius was about to argue, when he heard her last word. "So... then, we will..."

She looked irritated at his density, but then smiled slowly. "Of course."

He gave her a matching smile, which then tapered off. "Then why..."

She sighed. "Sirius, could you at least pretend to think something through, for once?"

He glared. "Kate, could you at least pretend not to be a sarcastic ice queen, for once?"

She ignored his comment and her features softened a little. "Black, I think you have enough on your plate right now."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're trying to fix all of those friendships you burned to the ground, and attempting to stay on top of your NEWT classes, and…"

"Leave it, Kate."

"Fine. But I'm just trying to make the point that you have already gotten into enough trouble charging into things that you shouldn't. Do you really want to make the same mistake again?

Sirius looked at her darkly. "You don't know what happened."

She conceded that with a shrug. "Maybe not, but I know the gist of it, and you know I'm right.

Sirius didn't answer her, but looked behind him again wistfully. She put her hand on his arm to recapture his attention. "And no one else needs to get worried over nothing."

Sirius blinked. "Nothing?"

"You know what I mean! And who would we tell? Lily and James are stuck in their mess of a relationship, if you could even call it that. They are too distracted to be of any use. And Remus, hasn't been himself lately..." Kate gave Sirius the closest thing to a sheepish look that he would probably ever see from her.

Sirius rolled his eyes and nodded.

"We just have to gather more information, something that will actually help us stop them."

Sirius stared at her. "We?"

She scowled. "Are you saying that you aren't planning on helping? Because, if I recall, you were just whining about—"

"I'm in, Jared. I was just fooling around."

"You're a git."

He smiled, and it was that feral grin that she used to see on his face all the time, but now rarely made an appearance. "But I'm in." He held out his hand and she looked at it, hesitating, before gripping it in her own. Sirius searched her face as they dropped hands. "Did they say anything else besides what I heard?"

"Nothing worth knowing. I think it all started because some of them were getting restless. It sounds like… like they've been thinking about this for weeks."

Sirius nodded grimly. "I can take a guess why. Snape was there, and I wouldn't be surprised if he is the reason they all of the sudden decided get 'revenge' on the Gryffindors."

"But, why? Snape doesn't really have any friends, and if he wasn't such a Dark Magic genius I doubt they'd give him the time of day."

Sirius leaned back against the wall. "I don't know. Everything is different now, everything has been since…"

"Voldemort." Kate finished. "What if Snape is just an excuse? It looked to me like Malfoy and your darling cousin were heading the whole thing."

Sirius saw where she was going. "In other words, would Malfoy and Bellatrix could be spearheading something so Voldemort will notice. We all know they're looking to become Death Eaters."

"I think that is what's happening, but we have to be realistic about this. We have no proof."

"We'll get some," Sirius said confidently. "We just have to do some digging."

"And what are you suggesting?" Kate's eyes were lit with composed excitement.

"I'm suggesting what you did. That we follow through with this, by ourselves. We don't need help." There was definite vehemence behind that last statement, and Kate could see that Sirius was going to use this as his ticket back into the disbanded Marauders. She wondered how far he was willing to go to achieve that end. This was too serious to go badly because Sirius was intent on being the savior.

Kate took a step back and looked past him as the next class got out. "Sirius, this isn't a joke, you know." He could barely hear her over the cacophony of the now-filled corridor, so he closed the space between them.

"You should know me better than that," he practically growled. "I take Slytherins very seriously."

Those words were met with a faint smile. "You're right. Maybe too seriously." She left him alone then. He watched her go with none of the fondness he had felt for Maggie, but many other things in its place.

He started walking up to Gryffindor Tower, feeling progressively lighter as he went. This could be exactly what he needed to recover from that big mess from a month ago. He needed to focus on something besides losing the best friendships he ever had. He needed to feel like a hero. It may not make up for everything else, but it would help.

He met Maggie at the foot of the stairs with her Potions ingredients in hand. She smiled. "I thought you would make it up here way before I did."

He shook his head and lied easily. "I went to get lunch, I was starving."

She rolled her eyes and gave the Fat Lady the password. "You're always starving."

"I'm a big boy, Shaw." He told her as she climbed through the portrait. He followed suit, but as he trailed in Maggie's wake, he thought of the likelihood that everything would turn out the way he wanted. He didn't know why, but something told him that Maggie or their tentative relationship would end up being collateral damage.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: I was surprised that this came out rather quickly. I really hope all of you like it, but I won't say much more than that. PLEASE read and review, and thanks in advance!

Chapter 15:

Lily reached the pitch as James was descending on his broom. His hair was windswept and messy even by his standards, and there was a thin sheen of sweat on his brow. His eyes were on her immediately when she entered the stadium, but at first he said nothing, only clutched his broom in his hand.

They stared at each other for a while, studying the one another. Finally, James cocked his head to one side, as if to ask why she was there. Lily bowed her head and when she met his gaze once again, she bit her lip and gave a small shrug.

The rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team was now dismounting their brooms, chatting animatedly while they did so. Without breaking their gaze, James called out, "That's enough for tonight. You all can go change." The boys didn't take much notice of James and Lily, but Rachel and Cora left the pitch whispering and giggling to each other while sneaking looks at the Head Boy and Girl.

Lily looked past James, up at the trees, where the sun was now sinking behind them into the horizon. She didn't want to do this; it would be so much easier if he just came to her, and she knew that it was unfair. It just felt like she was giving up on something she had held on to for so long that it was commonplace, but it was becoming harder and harder to care about that.

He stood about two feet away from her, the wind was blowing steadily and she kept trying to swipe her long hair out of the way so she could watch his face. He appeared to be happy to see her, but at the same time there was a look of calm resignation on his countenance.

"How are you?" He asked, not only out of politeness, but like he really meant it. It only made her want him more.

"I think we need to talk," she said firmly after a beat. His eyes narrowed slightly.

"About what?"

The question pushed the breath out of her lungs, and she gasped and shook her head. "Forget it."

His reaction was immediate. "No! Come on, just wait!" As she turned away, he grasped for her hand, then let it go as quickly as he held it. She looked at him with wide eyes and he understood. "Oh."

She nodded, thinking briefly how weird it was that they were now operating half on non-verbal communication. "I know what you said before, but..." The wind was making a soft rushing noise in her ears and it was pushing his hair around. She looked away from him and put her hands on her ears for a moment to deafen the sound, to clear her head.

She saw him studying her. His face lit up hopefully for a split second before he composed it. "What?" He asked quietly. That hopeful flicker hadn't been lost on her and it emboldened her.

"I can't do that," she answered simply. "Wait."

James looked momentarily confused and rubbed his forehead. "What are you saying?" He said slowly. He wasn't about to make a fool of himself if she was going to tell him what he didn't want to hear. He fought the overwhelming urge to turn and run, praying that she was telling him what they both already knew. It was only a question of how long she would deny it.

"I'm saying... that I can't wait for you. It's been too long." She knew how she was making this sound, but talking in circles seemed to relax her before she laid it all out in the open. "I didn't realize how long it was going to feel until..." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I've been waiting for a long time already, I just didn't know it. And now that I can admit that, I don't—I can't wait anymore."

There was a look of elated disbelief on James' face as he watched her admit this. "Is this really happening right now?" He asked her, breathing a quick laugh.

She nodded. "It's happening. So, what are you going to say now?" And this was the part where she waited, with the knowledge that he had complete control over the outcome.

He smiled genuinely, but then shook his head, the smile half-disappearing. "You _know_ that I want to, but..."

"But you need to fix something? Something that is not possible for you to fix, because it's not your place to do it?"

He gave her a half-smile. "That's the gist of it."

She sighed incredulously and took a step towards him, until their chests were a whisper apart. "Potter, when did you become so noble?" She asked softly.

He tucked another wayward strand of copper hair behind her ear, "If I had known what kind of results it would produce, I would have tried nobility sooner." And without thought, their lips met each other halfway.

She had been aware of how much she had missed kissing him, but to do it again was sweeter than she could have imagined. She barely heard the wind whirling around them anymore; she almost missed the sound of his broom falling to the ground as he wrapped his arms around her. Her eyes were closed to the world, and all she knew was that she was tasting him again.

James had never felt this kind of happiness before, and now that he had it, he didn't know what to do with it. The thought that Lily Evans could feel anything but contempt for him was almost impossible to comprehend, but it felt so eerily perfect. They fit so naturally, it was a wonder he hadn't held her before.

They broke apart after a while, both breathing heavily. She looked up at him, her startling green eyes glimmering in the little light they had. "Is that a yes?"

He rested his forehead against hers. "For as long as you live."

An incredible smile came over her face and she shook her head. "You," she whispered. She kissed him this time, and then pulled away. "I was wrong about you."

James shrugged. "You really weren't." He watched her seriously. "And I'm the same guy you've known for seven years. I'm still more arrogant than I should be, and I'm still too laid-back about school, and I still hate the Slytherins. And I'm probably going to be a jerk sometimes."

She nodded. "As long as you're an apologetic jerk." She took a step away from him so she could think clearly, a process that had proved difficult whenever James was too near. "And I do know you, the bad and the good. But I was wrong to think that you were... less than other people. It's obvious that I couldn't have been more wrong."

He frowned the slightest bit and crossed his arms over his chest. "You're talking about Snape, aren't you?" He took her silence to mean that he had guessed correctly. "What happened with you two? You used to be good friends, and then one day I looked up and that had changed."

Her eyes closed briefly at the memory, wholly unwilling to think about it. "Let's… not talk about that." Her lips curved up. "I don't want to ruin this."

"I'm not going to complain about that," he replied, crushing her against him and kissing her more thoroughly.

When things began to get heated, James pulled away and Lily looked up at him in confusion, face flushed. He reached for her hand. "Come on, let's go for a walk." The gesture was so honest and sweet, that she almost laughed. And the thought crossed her mind that if someone had told her that this is where she would be one night- kissing James Potter after coming to him and confessing her feelings, she would have never believed it. She accepted his hand with a small smile, and they headed towards the Great Lake.

####################################################################################################

It was very late when James finally snuck back into the boys' dormitories. Sirius was waiting up for him when he got there. "What had you out and about at this hour, mate?" Their friendship wasn't quite perfect, but they had regained most of that easygoing mood that they were so comfortable with. And to be honest, James and Sirius' relationship was never really the problem.

The lean Seeker's hair was extremely tousled and his eyes were slightly glazed. He turned his head lazily in Sirius' direction in a gesture that reminded Sirius of himself. He squinted at him.

"What in bloody hell have you been doing?"

James shook his head, smiling like an idiot. "I don't even know. If I tell you, I feel like it will be some bloody dream that never happened."

"Well, don't worry, it happened unless we're both dreaming," Sirius insisted impatiently. "You weren't... with someone?"

James glanced at Sirius before pulling his shirt over his head and trading his jeans for pajama bottoms. The lack of answer had Sirius lounging back on his bed scrutinizing James' every move. Finally, he said with marginal certainty, "You were with a chick, weren't you."

James continued to move in silence, finally laying out on his bed, over the covers, eyes open. "But you wouldn't just be with any girl, that's not like you."

"No, it's not." James replied in monotone.

Sirius sat bolt upright. "Lily?"

James grinned at the ceiling.

"How did you manage that? All of the sudden?"

He finally looked at Sirius, shrugging. "Yeah, it was her completely. I couldn't believe it."

The other boy shook his head, amazed. "I can't either. So what do you think about it?"

James frowned. "What do you mean? You know how long I've waited for her to just… I don't know… just give me a chance. How do you think I feel about it?"

"Well, obviously you're happy. It just seems sort of sudden after all this time, Prongs."

James sat up, almost glaring. "All right, what are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say…" he tapered off with a sigh.

"What?"

"God, Prongs! I'm trying to say that... that you're in love with her!"

James eyes widened and his mouth fell open. "I—I don't…" but he couldn't deny it, the idea that he could was ridiculous.

Sirius was just watching him. "Is she in love with you? _Could_ she be in love with you?"

James looked away. "It's not like that, Pad."

"Then what's it like, James? You're just having a bit of fun? Because somehow, I doubt that. Lily was never about that to you, so what are you to her? Can you even tell me?"

"Why do I have to work all of this out now?" James tone grew defensive. "Can't you just be happy for me? We just figured out what we're going to do right now, am I suppose to scare her away with something more? I've waited for _years_, Sirius! And you've stood by and watched for all of those years, so you know that!"

Sirius looked around the room to make sure no one had stirred when James had raised his voice before speaking again. "Exactly, Prongs. So I know what you invested into this, into her. What are you going to do if it's not the same with Lily? I'm your best mate and I'm not going to stand by and watch you pour your heart into this if it's not… if nothing's changed and she doesn't love you."

Sirius could barely make out James' face in the darkness. James lay back in bed and turned on his side. "Don't do this tonight, Sirius."

Sirius nodded, feeling slightly guilty. "Sorry, mate. I'm not trying to ruin this, but… you get why I'm asking, right?"

There was a long silence, so long that, for a moment, Sirius was convinced that James had gone to sleep. But then the answer came, soft but with certainty. "Yeah, I do."

###########################################################################################

It wasn't until the next morning that Sirius was able to try and get some answers. He caught Maggie as she was walking out of the girls' dormitories. "Hey, Maggie!"

Maggie looked up and smiled. "Sirius, I was just going to get some break—"

"Yeah, sure." He cut across her. "But I have to ask you something first."

Her smile faded slightly. "Okay. What?"

"Have you spoken to Lily about this thing with her and James?"

"Depends on what you mean by 'thing.' And what you mean by 'spoken.' Lily isn't a very chatty sort when it comes to… James."

Sirius gave her an exasperated look and ran a hand through his hair. "I thought you girls discussed everything! Isn't that supposed to be a specialty of your kind?"

Maggie raised her eyebrows. "My _kind_?"

He ignored her last comment. "Have you spoken to Lily since last night?"

"She got in really late, I think. Why, did something happen?"

Sirius opened his mouth to answer, but then his attention was caught by something behind her. "Lily!"

Maggie turned to see her pretty redheaded friend descending the stairs, Lily was staring at Sirius with raised eyebrows. "Sirius, I've never seen you so happy to see me." She answered lightly.

"Can I have a word?" That familiar wolfish grin was on his face. Maggie looked between them and placed on hand on Sirius' arm.

"I'll leave then." He nodded, barely noticing her. She sighed and then cast a glance at Lily. "And apparently, we need to have a talk later.

Lily had the grace to look sheepish.

"I'll catch up with you later."

Lily watched as Maggie disappeared and then gave Sirius an appraising look. "I'm warning you. If you do not behave yourself and treat her properly, I promise you—"

"Don't worry, Lilykins. I happen to like Maggie. Can I say the same for you?"

She stared at him blankly for a moment, and then laughed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I heard about you and Prongs."

Her laughter quickly died down. Sirius didn't give her a chance to respond. "So, I wanted to know—"

"Do I look like the type to play games, Sirius?"

He looked her over and swallowed. "No, I've never really pegged you for the playful sort. And I've always... admired your... tenacity. Whatever else your faults, but..."

Kate snorted as she came down the stairs. "Delicately put, Black."

He smirked as she walked past and purposely knocked into him a little. "Thanks, Jared."

Lily grimaced. "As much as I would love to watch you struggle with complimenting me, I am really getting hungry."

Sirius raised his hands in surrender. "Fine, I just want to know what—"

"Padfoot, do you mind not interrogating her?" James was coming from behind Sirius towards Lily. She looked up at him as he reached her and Sirius groaned.

"You would think we were at Platform 9 and ¾ with all the coming and going! I can't get in a word."

James gave him a half-hearted glare. "Oh, I think you've done enough talking." He looked back at Lily. "What was he saying?"

Her eyes reverted to Sirius' before answering James. "Nothing, just congratulations...on...us."

Sirius rolled his eyes behind James' back while James put his hands on his hips and stared at Lily. "Congratulations? How... sweet of him."

Lily smiled at James, and something in her bright green eyes was making Sirius feel nauseous. "Yeah, that's me; a real cream puff. I think I'll just go to breakfast now." He couldn't help adding, "Lily, I'll talk to you later."

Neither of them acknowledged Sirius, so he departed for the Great Hall. When Sirius was out of earshot James frowned at Lily. "Now why don't I buy that?"

Lily stepped towards James and shyly wrapped her hands around his wrists, pulling them off his hips and leaving him with less tension in his pose. "Why don't you instead, just tell me what you want?"

James grinned, effectively distracted, and backed her into the wall, putting his hands up on either side of her. "Well, you see, because of last night, you are officially obligated to spend time with me. And I'm coming to collect."

Lily nodded and smiled up at him, still a little uncertain about all of this. It was true that she had liked him and had wanted this for some time, but it was still hard to figure out how to go about this. She knew James Potter was not a passing interest that she would likely get out of her system, and she was afraid of doing it wrong. "Sure. As long as you follow proper procedure."

One of his hands drifted from the wall to her arm, brushing it down her forearm. He liked being able to touch her. She had always been completely irresistible to him, but now he didn't always have to hold back, wondering if she would rebuff him. "Procedure? What about special treatment?" His lips neared her and she leaned unconsciously into them before abruptly pulling back.

"No such thing." Lily put a hand to his chest and pushed him away. "You can collect over breakfast. I'm hungry." As she brushed past him, her hand found his and he allowed himself to be pulled along. Surprisingly, he could really get used to this.

"Whatever you want."

"That's right."

#######################################################################################################

Looking back, they really should have expected it. They were, after all, rather popular. They're constant back and forth was legendary and some of their altercations had been very public. They were probably the two people in the school everyone had most wanted to see together, most speculated about.

So when they walked into the Great Hall, they should have expected the stares and whispers, even the outright catcalls. Lily dropped James' hand as they entered, but she didn't move away from him. They both reacted the same way, heads high, but absolutely no eye contact with anyone but their friends waiting patiently at the other end of Gryffindor table. Most of those said friends had large grins painted on their faces.

They finally reached that end and sat down together, both looking mildly embarrassed. Remus chuckled while buttering his toast. "Really, you two should have been prepared for that kind of response."

Lily outright winced. And Peter leaned into James, his round face awash with excitement. "So it's true? You and Lily are… together?"

James spread his arms in question. "This school is insane."

Sirius clapped him on the back. "Good news travels fast, Prongs."

Lily idly knocked her fork against her plate, trying to block out the obvious gossip centering around her new, barely-there, relationship. "We just figured this out last night, and already..."

"Yes, you have to appreciate that about Hogwarts if nothing else. Secret reveals have a way of making land-speed records here." Kate said. She then gave Lily a hard look. "And by the way, we really appreciate the update. It's so refreshing to know that you'll tell us anything and we're never in danger of finding out the details of your personal life in all the wrong places, like while passing the Hufflepuff table."

"I'm sorry! But you were all asleep and I wasn't about to wake you all up over something that could definitely wait."

"Says who?" Kate answered defiantly.

Anise nodded, chiming in. "Yes, it's not fair that Sirius found out before us."

"Well I can't help that! And I had nothing to do with it! Take it up with James." Lily nudged her newly-instated boyfriend who grumbled.

"It's only been one day and you're throwing me to the wolves."

"Actually, it hasn't even been twelve hours," Kate snarked.

"My question is, why does everyone care so much?"

Remus was still calmly preparing his meal as he spoke. "Don't worry, it's bound to stop after a while."

James looked up. "Time-wise, how long would you say 'a while' is?"

"Pretend you didn't ask that question," Maggie advised.

"I agree, it's not like it's any of their business anyway." Lily said in a tone of mild annoyance. "And ignoring them is the best way to stop them from talking."

James shrugged. "Alright, we'll ignore it."

Sirius watched them throughout breakfast. He watched for any hint that Lily felt half of what James felt for her. It was obvious that Lily was attracted to him, but that had been obvious for a long time, long before Lily would have ever admitted to it. He wanted to see love. James had been through way too much these past months, and most of it was directly Sirius' fault. He wasn't going to fail his best friend again. He couldn't. Lily was a kind and sweet girl, but Sirius doubted she realized the power she held over James Potter. It was more than simple infatuation or young love, it was deeper than Sirius could describe. So Sirius had to watch carefully, because this relationship could make or break his best friend... his brother.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: I've made it pretty clear in the reading, but just so everyone knows, 2 weeks have passed. Yeah, I can't get any more explicit than that. So, Enjoy!

Chapter 16:

"Come on," James whined, pulling Lily back by her hand. "I just want to talk to you…" He tugged harder and she stumbled toward him slightly. She glared at him with disdain and yanked her hand out of his grip.

"I don't know what people have been telling you, but what you want to do isn't considered 'talking'."

"_Lily_," James said, trapping her with his arms again while she attempted in vain to disentangle herself.

"James," she mimicked his tone. "We're supposed to be on patrol. Will you let go?" He heard the annoyance in her voice, but also something else that compelled him to continue the game.

He sighed and did as she asked. "Please. It's the same thing every night, and I guarantee that there will be no change tonight."

Her face never wavered in its seriousness and she considered him with her arms crossed defensively. He began to think that she meant it and a slightly crestfallen expression came over his features. It was then that a smile tugged at Lily's somber expression. "You're pouting!" she accused.

His head shot up again and he glared at her. "Well, maybe if you weren't such a tease, Evans."

She giggled at his indignant tone. "Evans? Really, James..."

"Sometimes I think the only reason you even go out with me is so you're in a better position to inflict torture."

She blushed slightly. "You know that isn't true... and I'm not a tease!"

He smirked, and immediately they both knew that he had her right where he wanted her. "Then prove it," he challenged, stepping very close to her, all of his confidence returning.

She scoffed, but the gesture was not convincing. She pushed at his chest. "No. We have a job to do, James. I still have no idea why Dumbledore made you Head Boy."

He leaned into her, pressing his mouth to her ear and her breath hitched. "Because we make a great team," he murmured. "I know you agree with me."

"Stop, James, we'll never finish this up." Now she was the one whining. The crumbling of her self-control was almost visible and she knew James could tell when he smiled against her ear and kissed her temple.

"Just tell me that you agree," he whispered. Always incredibly stubborn, Lily forced herself to move out of his arms. Even then, she stayed in his space and he could very easily have grabbed her again.

"You assume too much," she said haughtily. But she was dealing with the Quidditch star she charged with arrogance about as often as she drew breath, and at that moment, he looked every bit as haughty as she did.

"Do I, Lily?" He smirked and swept in, kissing her on the lips. It was only a few seconds before she wound her arms around his neck, and for the life of her, she couldn't remember why she thought it was a bad idea in the first place.

He finally pulled away, leaving her breathless. "What were you saying?" he asked smugly. A moment too late, he realized he should have known that would get her really wound up. Lily's eyes widened briefly before she straightened and her eyes narrowed. Sensing danger, James began to backtrack. "Don't get mad, Lil. I didn't mean anything—"

She shook her head resolutely and turned to walk away. James followed her, still stammering a quick defense when she looked at him stone-faced. "Don't speak to me, Potter." She then gestured with her hand. "And walk over there."

"Are you serious?" he complained.

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"Look, I didn't mean anything—I'm just…" he trailed off hopelessly, and she stopped walking to look at him. "Well, what do you expect me to do?" he very nearly shouted in the abandoned corridor.

Lily looked away at the very good question. She wasn't being completely fair, and she knew it. But for the past two weeks, the entire school had been watching and whispering when they walked together. There were titters if she so much as held his hand. Not to mention the teachers… She honestly couldn't believe how many teachers at the very least, slyly remarked on the school's newest romantic development. Slughorn mentioned it almost every class, and then would point out to the entire class that she was blushing. In fact, McGonagall was the only one that made no comment on her students' relationship, but she did promptly separate them in class, stating that she wanted no distractions. It was just mortifying... James had taken the publicity very well, but Lily...

Plain and simple, Lily wanted no spotlight on her personal life. She didn't care if people _knew_, but this was ridiculous! And she felt foolish, to make it worse. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she supposed she had known, perhaps just not to the extent of how much _everyone_ knew. Everyone. The entire school had waited with bated breath for their poster couple. It had been more public than she had thought. And they all had known that she would give in, at some point. It stung. It was as if they knew her better than she knew herself; as if they had spent years laughing as she rebuffed him, secretly knowing the ending to _her_ love story. That is, if this worked out...

And maybe, she was a little scared. She wouldn't be that honest. She wouldn't admit that James Potter and his golden-hazel eyes and his silly, messed-up hair scared her to death. But she would be with him, because she couldn't stand not to be. And that was the truth.

She finally gave him a calm half-smile, wordlessly conceding to him. She reached a hand up and tried to fix his hair, more for the affection in the gesture than the hope that his hair would actually sit normal. "I expect you... to help me with the patrol," she answered.

He looked a little taken aback and almost distrusting. "So that's it?" he asked suspiciously. He didn't know exactly how she could swing through an entire range of emotions in thirty seconds flat, and the notion disturbed him a bit.

As if she read his mind, she smiled sweetly and took his hand. "A little advice, James. Don't ask questions."

He realized that listening to her was probably for the best, and he willingly walked alongside her in silence, with her hand in his. After a moment, she gave him a brief sidelong glance and noticed that he still looked bewildered. "If you must know, you can be very… adorable, when you're begging forgiveness."

He smiled when she said 'adorable,' but he couldn't let the last comment slide. "I didn't… beg."

She smirked and squeezed his hand. "Whatever you say, James."

#################################################################################

She had promised not to do anything without him, and she did feel guilty about this. Sirius was not taking this whole Slytherin ordeal lightly, and after contemplating the possible reasons why, she did figure it out. But really, did it matter _how_ involved he was? As long as they accomplished what they needed to...

Following Bellatrix Lestrange around was risky business. She had never observed the beautiful, dark Slytherin so closely. She knew enough about Bella, everyone did. Bella attracted attention to herself; she seemed to take glory in doing shocking things, making people uncomfortable, and most of all, exerting control over them. But it wasn't until Kate began following Bellatrix that she realized how calculating and vicious the girl was. She saw the inbred respect given to her by her Housemates, even the males. She was one of the natural leaders, alongside Lucius Malfoy. There was something about her that was utterly uncontrolled, but somehow she was able to perfectly rein it in at the right moments.

It was a stangely intoxicating thing to watch. Kate was oftentimes disgusted at how often Bella would invoke Voldemort, a look of pure rapture alit in all of her features. She despised the filthy words she would use when speaking of anyone not of pureblood. But Kate could not deny that there was something disturbingly attractive about Bellatrix Lestrange, well maybe not the Slytherin herself, but the way she could charm and command; the way they regarded her. She managed to be sultry and domineering and manipulative all at the same time. There was no doubt that Bellatrix would grow to be a powerful witch that would listen to no one save Lord Voldemort himself.

Kate didn't often think about the future because the thought of any normal future with the way things were just wasn't an option. They would all enter the real world while it spun off its axis, unsure if it could ever be repaired. But now, watching Bellatrix Lestrange made her fearful. If Voldemort had a multitude of servants as devoted as her, the other side would be in trouble. Because Bella believed in what she was doing as much as the opposition believed that they were doing right.

How could they ever win? They could never be as unrestrained as the Death Eaters, and now it seemed that they weren't going to make up for that in tenacity. The Death Eaters more than matched them blow-for-blow. Kate didn't want to feel hopeless, but that feeling had been consuming her more and more often.

Kate was leaning against the side of a staircase while Bellatrix stood outside the entryway to the Slytherin common room, in a quiet conversation with Lucius Malfoy. She was straining to hear them, hoping that something useful would come of this. She had been tailing Bella whenever she could for the past two weeks, and true to the Slytherins' collective word, they were certainly biding their time. Nothing had come of her efforts so far.

Sirius was doing the same. He had first stubbornly refused to watch anyone but Snape, but it became clearer that Snape was a more willing puppet than ringleader, so he had taken to stalking Malfoy when he could. Unfortunately, Sirius was serving his weekly detention from the hushed-up incident earlier in the year, so Kate was at it alone tonight. Trailing someone wasn't so awful to do by yourself until there was a lull in activity. That's when you wished that someone else was around to talk to.

"_I told you that Snape was barely involved," Kate hissed. They were sitting just inside one of the Potions classrooms in the dungeons, waiting for their targets to emerge from their common room._

_Sirius raised his eyebrows. "That's not entirely true, now is it? Give credit where credit is due, Jared."_

_She rolled her eyes. "Fine. But like I said, that greasy oddity is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy. We have nothing to gain by watching him."_

"_That fact that he's operating in the background makes him more dangerous—"_

"_But we won't have to worry about that unless he's conspiring with Lestrange and Malfoy. He seems to be perfectly fine following their lead." Kate could tell that Sirius was clenching his teeth behind pursed lips. "Sirius." Something in her tone had him clasping her gaze. "Don't make this personal."_

_He didn't refute it, but nothing changed in his face as he spoke. "I will not do a thing to jeopardize this." _

_Kate didn't back down. "Because you have something to prove?" she ventured._

_He favored her with an icy grin. "You know, people don't give you nearly enough credit for your perceptiveness. But, just so you know, it's a little off-putting when you spend most of your time digging out other people's baggage."_

_She became angry, a feeling that she was usually able to subdue. "Why in bloody hell would I care if you think it's off-putting?" she asked calmly. He gave her nothing but a shrug, and it further incensed her. "Tell me, Sirius, how do you like your women? Nice and docile? Never looking too closely?"_

_The instinctive laziness that seemed to come off him in waves was shed like an old skin, replaced by an intensity reminiscent of a hound on point. "You know, considering I'm dating one of your best friends, you should probably lighten up on the judgmental tone."_

_Kate looked at him coolly. "I'm not insulting Maggie, I'm merely commenting on your obvious fear of someone..." she searched for the word, "seeing you."_

_He looked at her steadily for a long while. It was amazing; neither of them had raised their voices or said anything particularly hurtful, but anyone who had walked into the room could sense that both Gryffindors were pissed as hell, matching looks of restrained anger on their faces._

_Sirius finally let out a low bark of laughter. "Seeing me?"_

_She nodded, and he was smiling. "This is what I'm talking about, Jared. Even if you do know everything, it's better to pretend to us commoners that you're just one of us."_

_Now she smiled. "You know I'm right... don't you? If I'm wrong, then manage this question: why are you dating Maggie? Why put away your womanizing mantle and date someone you barely spoke to for years?"_

"_She's fun and she's pretty, and..." Something indefinable flickered across his face before he continued. "She likes me." His eyes met Kate's again, and she couldn't deny the respect in his tone. "I like her."_

"_Is this the first time you've ever liked someone?"_

"_Maybe." There was silence, and Kate was half-hoping that the Slytherins would reappear and save them the veiled awkwardness, but then Sirius spoke again. "Maybe you're afraid of the same thing."_

"_What?"_

"_Someone," he answered, "seeing you."_

_Her look was one of mild disgust. "We aren't the same."_

_He was smirking at her. "See, Kate? You're scared that just maybe I'm right." His words gave her chills, but she was saved a reply when the Slytherins reappeared and they were forced to follow them in silence, concentrating on the task at hand._

Bellatrix must have said something to annoy Malfoy, because he raised his voice enough to make out the conversation.

"What are we supposed to keep telling them, Bella? You said it yourself, it's Dumbledore! There are only so many things that are almost untraceable, and even then…"

"That's why we need to do more than try to cover up what we're doing…" she paused. "We need to place the blame on someone else."

"That's easier said than done."

Bellatrix looked off to the side, her eyes narrowed. "Maybe not."

Malfoy tried to catch her gaze. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. Snape was going to meet me here and he's late. I don't appreciate people missing appointments."

"Speaking of which…" Malfoy's voice dropped again, and in desperation, Kate shuffled a few inches closer. She still couldn't make much out. "Do...effective?"

"There's nothing... but some older..."

Kate groaned inwardly. That didn't make any sense, and it was obviously important. She leaned further up the stairs, shifting her balance, and without warning, her foot slipped. She managed to suppress a yell of surprise, but there was a neat clatter as she stumbled for balance. Both voices immediately cut off and Kate pressed herself against the railing, heart pounding and trying to keep her ragged breath as quiet as possible.

"Bella, I was waiting for you—"She recognized the voice as Snape's before one of the other two quickly hushed him. Kate knew they were stealthily approaching her hiding spot, and she silently scrambled backwards down the stairs, towards the dungeon classrooms.

In a matter of seconds, Bellatrix Lestrange's face appeared at the top of the stairs, wand out. Without hesitating in the least, a spell shot from the Slytherin's wand, and Kate just barely dodged it. Pulling out her own wand, she yelled, "What in bloody hell are you playing at?"

Malfoy and Snape were flanking her, wands out as well, and Kate observed that she was very outnumbered. Bellatrix's lips curled up in a snarl. "I should be asking you that question. What are you doing down here? This is no place for a Gryffindor after dark." Her voice was low and threatening.

Kate laughed, but even to her ears it was shaky. "From what I recall, the Potions classrooms are used by all the students at the school. What I'm wondering is, what could you have possibly been doing that has you all up in arms like this?"

Bella raised her wand slightly. "Tread lightly, Princess."

"Or what? I didn't hear or see anything, but you're obviously on edge."

"And you're obviously a liar, and I don't like liars."

"Put the wands down." The words came from over Kate's head, and she looked up and was very surprised and thankful to see Sirius standing a flight above her, wand directed at the three Slytherins. Kate chance a look at them, and watched as Snape's expression settled into deep loathing and his grip tightened on his wand, Malfoy displayed no apparent reaction, but Bellatrix smiled slowly.

"If it isn't my darling cousin coming to play knight-in-shining-armor."

"Shut it, Bella," Sirius growled. He descended the stairs with his wand trained on his cousin. "Put your wand down."

"Why should I? Your stupid little Gryffindor friend was roaming around listening to things that she shouldn't be listening to."

"That sounds like paranoia to me," Kate said mildly.

Sirius glanced at Kate for the first time since he arrived. "She's right. It sounds like you have something to hide." He was rounding the stairwell, aiming his wand carefully at the Slytherins as he passed them to join Kate at the bottom. "But that's crazy, isn't it, Bella?"

"Crazy," she repeated.

Malfoy surveyed them slyly. "So answer the question. What are you doing here?"

"If you must know, I forgot to mark my name on my vial today, and I came down here to do so before Slughorn graded them," she lied smoothly.

"Why should we believe you?"

Kate shrugged. "I really don't care if you do."

"You should."

Sirius laughed harshly. "Does that make you feel good, Malfoy? Threatening a girl while she's far outnumbered? Put the wand down, you stupid git."

"So if she's down here for her stupid grade, then what are you here for?" Snape's fury was barely contained and his hand was shaking with the vice grip on his wand. Surprisingly, Sirius did not rise to the bait this time.

"I was in the common room with Kate when she remembered that she had forgotten to write her name. I went and waited at the top of the stairs for her. I heard yelling and came down to see what happened," he explained. "Put your bloody wands down!"

His shout bounced off the walls, and the sound seemed to spring both Snape and Malfoy into action. All three boys began shouting spells. "Sirius!" Kate shouted.

Bella flung a hand out in front of Snape and Malfoy. She lazily blocked Sirius' spell and the blow of her arm redirected Snape's. "We aren't doing this now," she said quietly. "They've explained themselves and, quite frankly, it isn't worth it." She enunciated her last words.

Snape and Malfoy both looked at Bellatrix for a long moment before acquiescing and pocketing their wands. Kate could not convince Sirius to lower his and he kept it pointed, his face set.

Bella glance at him, seemingly untroubled. "I hope you enjoyed playing hero, cousin, but I'm afraid the fun is over for now."

"Then walk away," Sirius said sneered.

Bellatrix looked amused. "You really have this act down pat, don't you? But that's all it will ever be, Sirius... an act. With our family, how can your little rebellion not be? It's a shame that what little potential you had will be nothing but a pathetic waste."

"Save it. You aren't my family and you never were."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Bellatrix sang out. She turned to leave with Snape and Malfoy. Sirius finally lowered his wand, but quickly flung it out again when Bella seemed to turn in afterthought. "But since you mentioned family... I thought it would interest you to know that Regulus is proving every bit the pride to your disappointment."

"Not interested, and I don't know why you think that I would be."

"Am I not making myself clear? Your dear brother is, shall we say, pledging himself to the right cause. And at fifteen! It's admirable, really."

She hadn't said it out loud, but both Kate and Sirius knew the implications of her words. A Death Eater. Sirius' jaw twitched, but otherwise, stayed very still.

Bella's twinkling laughter made Kate's heart race. "Stings, doesn't it? In more ways than one." And she was gone, taking the other oddly silent Slytherins with her.

Sirius didn't take his eyes off the spot where they had been standing as his wand fell limply to his side. Kate looked at him. "Thank you."

He returned her glance with a hard gaze and grabbed her arm, dragging her up the stairs. "What in hell were you thinking? You said that you wouldn't go alone!"

"Let go!" Kate stopped short, and Sirius dropped her arm. "I didn't think it would be a big deal, it was only this once."

His eyes widened. "A big deal? Were we in the same place a minute ago? Because it seemed like a bloody big deal to me!"

"Calm down, Sirius. Nothing happened!"

He ignored her as they continued to stomp up the stairs. "Not only did you almost blow our cover, but Bellatrix would have happily blown you to bits! Do you have any idea how insane that she is?"

"Yes! And she didn't. In fact, she stopped the whole thing! Aren't you wondering why?"

His rage was halted at her question and turned to genuine curiosity. "What do you mean?"

Kate was grateful that the heat was momentarily off of her as she recounted what she overheard. "She's being incredibly careful and meticulous. Down to the last detail. That's not like her, and you know that better than I do! It's worrying me that she's so contained about this, it means that it's big."

Sirius looked at her grimly. "We can stop this, Kate. I know that we can. They haven't figured us out yet and so we have the advantage."

Kate shook her head doubtfully. "Yes, but for how long?"

He didn't answer, and they continued up to the Gryffindor common room wordlessly. Sirius looked like he was seriously mulling something over in his head, and Kate had a good guess as to what it was.

"He's fifteen, Sirius. Even if... they can't possibly have him doing anything... too..."

"I. Don't. Care." His words warned her to drop the subject, and he didn't look at her as he said it. "I don't care."


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: Don't own, never will.

A/N: I know it's been forever and I'm absolutely awful for doing that to you. For everyone that's still around, I humbly apologize. My semester was rough, and I was hard pressed to find time to write. My muse is a little rusty for this, so I would really, really appreciate feedback (review). I need to get back in the swing of it. Anyway, this is a bit angsty, especially for the L/J fans, but I hope you all like it. Please read and review :)

Chapter 17:

"Are you okay?" Maggie was sitting with her legs stretched out onto Sirius' lap while he read a book. He had been strangely silent for days. She didn't know what to make of it, and she didn't know if she liked it. There was something to be said for the attractive way that Sirius brooded, but she was beginning to feel that she was unable to be happy in his presence.

Not even taking his eyes from the book, he replied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She watched him, willing him to tear his gaze from the bloody book and look at her. "You tell me, Sirius. That's why I'm here."

She noticed it. The way his jaw clenched ever so slightly at her words. "No, Mags. That's not why you're here."

She stared at him and wondered why he wouldn't look at her. Then, she breathed an incredulous laugh and let her upper body fall back onto the couch. She kept her eyes closed and counted slowly for no reason at all. She wanted to think about the numbers, because everything else would just get her into trouble. She was at one hundred and fourteen when she felt him move from under her legs and shift to bend over her. She didn't open her eyes when he placed a hand against her cheek and leaned in to kiss her. She didn't open them when he moved away.

"Are you mad?"

She shook her head and opened her eyes. When she did, he smiled a little. "No. But you aren't making me happy."

His eyes softened. "I'm sorry," he said ruefully. "It's not... this has nothing to do with you. I want you to enjoy..."

Maggie sat up. "Enjoy this? What is this, exactly?"

"Whatever you want it to be."

"I _want_ you to give me a real answer."

He shrugged. "I can't give you one."

Suddenly, she wanted to cry. It was maddening that she cared enough to want to cry. They hadn't been together long, if you could even call it that. But she didn't understand how he could say the right thing and be so... dead to it. And she didn't believe for a moment that it was her, because it wasn't. He had been through a lot and she respected that, but why trap her? She hated him for a moment as she stared up at his handsome, worn face.

"What can you give me? Obviously answers aren't an option, but tell me, why should I stay?"

It had escalated quicker than she thought it would. She got a rush of frustration that she didn't know she had. And she knew what the meant.

"Because it's what we want. I... care about you. You are a good thing."

"Thank you." She didn't want to care, and she didn't want to know he cared. But she did and now she wasn't going to leave him. "So you won't tell me anything."

"No. It's not fair to you," he said firmly.

She opened her mouth, and then thought better of it. "You know what? Fine, Sirius. For now."

And he smirked as she kissed him. What was he supposed to do? Dragging her down into everything he felt. She didn't deserve that. In fact, she didn't deserve any of this. But she was kind and smart and pretty, so he thought that maybe when he was beyond all of this insanity, that maybe it could work. He just needed to hold her for a time.

#####################################################################

"What's going on with Sirius and Remus?"

James looked quickly at Lily before shifting uncomfortably. They were walking through the corridor, when Lily felt uncommonly bold and decided to ask.

"What do you mean?"

She scowled in annoyance and tugged on his hand so he would stop walking. "You know what I mean!" James groaned, but she wouldn't be put off. "Ever since... that night when you rushed off to... save Snape, they've been carrying on."

James was skittish, looking around the corridor. "We're going to be late, Lil."

It was true, but she noted the change in his demeanor. "So we'll be late." She didn't understand why he was getting so antsy. Surely he could tell her, and it was frustrating that every time she brought up certain things, he would look suspicious and hedge her questions or distract her. As much as she wouldn't admit it to anybody, they had started off so well. There was an easy connection between them that James seemed to have perceived all along. She was just discovering it.

He tried to play it off and smirked down at her. "You don't mean that." He started walking again, pulling her into his side and kissing the side of her head. She pushed away from him roughly and he backed off in surprise.

"Don't do that."

He scowled. "Look Evans, if we're going to be dating, I gonna have to touch you. I think it's better if you just accept that."

"No, you git! Don't touch me when I'm obviously mad at you!" She pushed past him and started to class on her own, intent on keeping all physical contact away from him. He followed her, pulling at her arm so she would spin around to face him.

"What would you have me do?"

"I don't want to talk about this now."

"Well, too bad, because we're going to talk about it." The truth was, there was a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that she would ask too much. She did have a right to know the things he was keeping from her, as his girlfriend, but he couldn't share that with her. Not yet.

She could deliver an ultimatum as easily as she drew breath, but he prayed that she wouldn't. It was just too early to share something so personal, and he hoped that she understood that. He drew her away from the classroom they were supposed to be filing into and off towards the Hogwarts grounds. For once, she wasn't behaving like a goody two-shoes and complaining about ditching class.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked when they had come upon the Quidditch field. She raised an eyebrow at him and he realized that she knew exactly what he was nervous about and that she may do what he most feared.

"Well, it's too late to turn back now, isn't it? So just have out with it, so we can drop it."

She glared at him and tucked a strand of copper hair behind her ear. "So... answer my question."

He couldn't do that. So he responded with one of his own. "Why are you so interested in my friends' social lives?"

"I'm not!" Now she was looking thoroughly aggravated. They fought just as much as they had when they had not been together. "Why don't you get it?"

She was now so angry that it was getting him worked up. They stood near the empty stands, facing off. "How am I supposed to get anything when you never tell me what I'm doing wrong? I asked a legitimate question. Why would you be interested in them when half the time, you aren't even acting interested in me?"

"That's not true and it _was_ a stupid question. And don't try to blame this on me!"

"What?" He was amazed at how she read him so well, and yet angry that she never acknowledge it. Maybe it was natural.

She prodded his chest accusingly with a finger. "You're trying to change the subject to avoid answering the question. I don't know why, but you think I don't notice things, James, and I—"

His eyes widened and suddenly his hands were on her arms, like he was afraid he wouldn't catch the next part. "What? What do you think you know?" There was a tinge of panic that she easily picked up on, but the look in his eyes was shocking. Cool and confident James Potter never looked worried, but she had seen this look before; she had seen it that night when he ran into the dark to find Snape and Remus. She didn't understand, but suddenly she realized that James was absolutely hiding something, and it was larger than she thought.

"Why don't you tell me?" It was asked quietly and with almost simple curiosity. He looked taken aback by his own behavior before dropping her arms and stepping away.

"There's nothing to tell."

She snorted, tears beginning to form in her eyes and she wondered briefly how he managed to get her so emotional. "You can't honestly expect me to believe that anymore than you believe it yourself. What did you think when... when we... that I wouldn't ask questions, that I wouldn't care?"

He stared on stupidly. What the hell was this that brought such a change in him? "Tell me."

"I can't," he whispered. "I really can't."

She didn't know what to say, so she turned and left him standing there. She didn't know what they were, or what she wanted them to be, or what they _should_ be. But she couldn't deal with him now.

########################################################################

"You know, you've been acting like a jumpy idiot all week."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Stir up what you want, Jared. But I've been my normal self."

"Well that's not much of an improvement on 'jumpy idiot', even if it _were_ true, which it isn't..." He didn't respond and she raised her eyebrows. "You see? You have nothing to say, when before you would have had an insult readily prepared ten seconds ago. Every time I ask you when you want to watch those Slytherins, you try to avoid it. Three weeks ago, you couldn't get enough of it and you spent every waking moment trying to figure out what was going on. You're never apathetic, Sirius."

"Maybe I've grown bored." Sirius got up to leave and Kate threw out a hand to stop him.

"Like now?" She stepped closer to him, so she could look him full in the face. "I'm not a fool, so don't treat me like one. If this is about your brother—"

His hand found her wrist and clenched around it warningly. "Don't talk about that."

"If this is about your brother," she repeated like he hadn't spoken, "then we need to tell at least Lily and James what is going on."

His face was comically incredulous. "And please tell me, Kate, how that logic makes _any_ sense at all? We agreed that this would be kept between us and that's the way it's going to stay."

She roughly jerked out of his grasp. "Says who? You can't stop me from telling anyone what's going on."

"Try me, Kate. There isn't a reason to worry anyone when we can do this ourselves the right way."

"That's the problem: you aren't doing it the right or wrong way. You aren't doing it at all. You're pissed as hell that your brother's become a Death Eater and that's the truth of it. Why don't you just admit that?"

"Even if it were true, the last person I would tell is you," he shot back.

"And is lying just a habit for you, or is it only during special times?"

Sirius ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Why can't you just get this through your pretty little head? Are you intentionally being thick? I knew that was where my brother was going to end up, okay? This isn't some traumatic shock for me, so stop trying to make it some huge problem when it's not."

Kate raised her eyes to the ceiling. "You can't trick me, Sirius. You never could. There is a huge difference between knowing something will happen in your head and how you feel when it actually happens. Stop acting like it's not bothering you, at least to me. Maybe you should just face up to the fact that I'm all you've got."

He scoffed. "How do you figure?"

Kate crossed her arms, completely unfazed. "Remus isn't talking to you, James and Lily are so wrapped up in each other that they can't see beyond the tips of their noses, and you won't tell Maggie."

How did she know that? She watched him and, as if hearing his thoughts, answered. "Maggie tells us everything and she's always complaining that you are too secretive, that you never let her in. You keep her in the dark."

Sirius blinked, then stared defiantly back into her dark eyes. "I'm not going to pull her into this." He gestured to himself with disdain.

"She wants to be. She wants you."

"And she can have that, just not this part." Now he glared. "And don't pretend you don't get that."

"I'm not saying that I wouldn't want to do the same, but it isn't right. How are you two supposed to be anything if you don't let her see a piece of what you are?"

"Guess what, little expert of everything, it isn't your business. Maybe I just want space, did that cross your mind?"

"What you want and what you need are two very different things. You need one person to be square with in your life and I'm offering to do that." She spoke a bit gentler now, knowing better how to ease his mood.

Sirius appraised her. They had spent enough time together that he was beginning to know her in a way that he had never gotten to know a girl, maybe even more than Maggie. He considered her an equal, because she was smart and never failed to act like she was better than him. She could keep up with him, and whether he wanted her to know anything about him or not, she did. She saw some of his darkest corners and looked without flinching. It was a relief, a different kind of relief than Maggie represented. Kate didn't believe the best of him, but she didn't hate him for his worst. Besides the Marauders, she had willingly kept most of what she discovered about him to herself. Like it or not, he could trust her.

"And what do you get out of this?" It was a reciprocal relationship, and he knew how she worked.

"Renewed interest in our mission... I'll even change my mind about telling Lily and James. And if you think that this is too good to be true, than you should know that I'm kicking myself for giving you all the benefits."

He offered his hand. "That's a deal, Jared." She took it and he shook her small, warm hand in his. "Tonight."

"Fine." She turned to go and he watched her for a moment.

"Jared." She whipped around to face him and he couldn't quite meet her eye when he spoke next. "You aren't wrong... not about everything." That was all he would concede tonight, and it would have to be enough.

She nodded slowly, a smirk beginning to form. "Not about anything." She didn't wait for him to speak, but instead walked off feeling quite pleased with herself. That is, until she walked right into Lily. She stepped back, a little uneasily, unsure of getting caught.

"Lily, hi." The redhead had an expression of dulled anger on her face, but her frown deepened when her eyes fell on Kate.

"That was Sirius in there?" Kate heavily suspected that this was a rhetorical question.

"Were you listening to us?"

Lily threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "I only heard the end of it, but Kate, what are you doing? Maggie is with Sirius; you know that."

A small bit of anger rose up at Lily's assumptions"And if you had been eavesdropping properly, you would know that it was nothing."

Lily shook her head. "I head you both... and I've seen the way you act around each other, and it isn't okay."

Kate was shocked. "Are you kidding? Sirius and I are working on a project together, that's it. Whatever you thought you heard..." It wasn't quite a lie, they _were _working on something together, it just wasn't academic.

"It's not what I heard, it's the way you talk to each other. I didn't realize until I happened to be passing by. Secret talks? With the boyfriend of your friend? That doesn't sound strange to you?"

Kate shrugged, thinking that Lily was overreacting. "He can't be my friend and Maggie's boyfriend? Does that mean I can't talk to James, Lil?"

At the sound of the Quidditch captain's name, Lily bristled. "We aren't talking about James and me; we're talking about Sirius and the fact that you'll break Maggie's heart if you take him away."

"Blimey, Lily, I'm not taking anyone away. I don't want Sirius and I never have. Why would you assume the worst just because I was talking to him?"

Lily stared at her friend intently. "You two just... have a lot in common. I don't want that to ruin things for Maggie." Kate had never given that much thought. On a romantic level, Kate's thoughts for Sirius had been fleeting and superficial. She had been expending her energies on trying to stabilize his often violent moods and trying to keep him on track with the whole Slytherin thing. She didn't believe she posed a threat to Maggie and she had no desire to be.

"I promise, what you heard was absolutely nothing. It's the project and Sirius couldn't have me if he wanted to, which he doesn't."

Lily blinked. "I'll take your word for it, but you need to think about what this looks like, Kate. Think about if Maggie would be okay with it." When Lily was gone, Sirius appeared, coming out of the same room that Kate had left him in.

"Was that Lily? I thought you'd be long gone by now."

Kate didn't say anything, but looked up at Sirius in a way that made him uncomfortable. "What's wrong with you?"

Kate let out a barely audible gasp and shook her head. "Nothing. I was just going to leave. Lily overheard us a little."

"Did she hear anything about the Slytherins?" Sirius looked concerned until Kate gave the negative.

"She didn't hear anything... of consequence." Sirius nodded.

"Then why do you look like you've just seen Lord Voldemort?"

"I do not look any way," she snapped. "And you're a git."

Sirius smirked. "And you're defensive. Come on, Jared, I've agreed to be honest with you, so I think you should do the same with me. It's fair."

"Sure," she quipped sarcastically, "maybe another time." He was a little confused with her sudden agitation, but decided to chalk it up to girl stuff. "As much as I love our banter, I have a class to go to, so I guess I'll see you tonight."

"Uh, yeah. See you tonight."

Sirius waved awkwardly as she left, but Kate didn't care or notice. She wracked her brain for a moment of... anything, if there was one. She hadn't thought of the possibility that she may like Sirius more than before, since spending all this time with him. She wanted to disprove Lily's words, but she could only recall now feeling more invested in Sirius' life and caring about him a little more than before. It wasn't enough to condemn her, but it made Kate sick to her stomach. She didn't want this and she certainly didn't ask for it.

She closed her eyes and listening to the sound of her voice. She felt nothing and he was nothing more than her painfully annoying friend. She would tell herself that every day when she woke up in the morning. Unfortunately, that didn't prevent the small voice in the back of her head from saying that perhaps Lily was right. What she and Sirius were doing wasn't fair to Maggie. Knowing this, she should have been able to skip their meeting tonight. But she went and the fact that she just couldn't help herself only served to scare her more.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N:

"What am I supposed to do?" James asked miserably as he slumped onto his bed.

Remus looked up from cleaning his wand and shook his head like he was chiding a child. "You didn't really expect her not to ask questions, mate, did you?"

"No, but that doesn't help the current problem, which is, how in bloody hell can I keep her happy with me and still not tell her about your little problem?" At the look on Remus' face, James quickly stumbled back over his sentence. "I didn't mean it like that, Moony. You aren't the reason that Lily and I are fighting. I just don't know what to bloody do! I had to work so hard to get her to even consider dating me, and now it's going to be for nothing." James grimaced. "Of course, she wouldn't need an answer to her question if you and Sirius would just—"

"I don't want to do this again with you," Remus interrupted him flatly. "Whatever happens is not going to be from me forgetting what he did."

James bowed his head and conceded the argument. "I get it and I'm not going to push it. But that isn't going to help my case with Lily."

Remus glanced at James and cleared his throat. "Well, you could just tell h—"

"No, I can't. And I know that you don't want me to, so stop trying to be noble and help me figure out what to do!"

"I'm not going to deny that you have a problem, James, but I think you're underestimating Lily. Just because she acted like she hated you all that time doesn't mean that she did. To be honest, I think she's liked you for a while. Did you ever think that maybe she _wants_ to stick around? Why else would she be asking questions? You need to stop acting like you're forcing her to date you."

"That's kind of hard when that's exactly what I feel like I'm doing half the time! Sometimes she'll be great and she'll even make me believe that she could stand to be in the same room with me, and then sometimes she'll get mad and tell me not to touch her and 'stand ten feet away' or whatever other ridiculous demand she can think of." James rolled his eyes and cast a hand through his hair, messing it up. "How did you become such an expert on women, Moon?"

Now it was Remus' turn to roll his eyes. "It's not that difficult if you pay attention, Prongs. It's funny how Lily is the only girl you've seen for years and still, you don't get her. Girls tend to say one thing and mean another."

"Why the hell would they do that?" James said, clearly shocked. "And how do you know, anyway?"

Remus shrugged. "I've talked to Lily. Sometimes she would tell me that you're not half-bad, and make me swear not to tell you."

"And you listened?"

"I was waiting for the right time to tell you. I was trying to protect you from ruining it yourself by becoming a cocky git." James shook his head in amazement.

"You're right brilliant, Remus. All of this Lily stuff makes sense when you say it, but whenever she does something, it's like I didn't hear any of what you told me."

"If you pay attention to her and stop getting angry when she gets moody with you, you'll be able to tell what she really means when she tells you to go away or says that she hates you."

"I'll take your word for it." James stood up and walked around the room, frowning. "But none of that is going to matter if she dumps me over this secret."

"Actually, that was the whole point of what I was trying to tell you. I get that you don't want to tell her and I agree that it's too early for that, but she isn't going to like that you are refusing to tell her."

"So, what do I do?" James asked when Remus went silent.

Remus smiled apologetically. "I'm not sure, but I think you should just tell her that it's something that you aren't ready to share with her, but will when the time is right. And also that you really want to be with her and if she would just give you some time, then you will tell her everything. She just needs to be a little patient."

James snorted. "Right. Patient. I may not understand the whole chick-does-and-says-the-opposite-of-what-she-means, but I do know that Lily is definitely not patient."

Remus sighed. "Like I said before, I think she cares more about you than you give her credit for. And if I'm right, she might agree to accept what you say and wait."

James stared at Remus for a beat. "You know what Lily said to me that night we first got together?"

Remus shook his head slowly, the hint of an impossible smile on his face. "She said 'I can't wait.' Those were her exact words. And she's not going to wait. Not for me or anyone else." James turned for the door dejectedly. "I have to try and talk to her, but let's be real, Moony. Lily doesn't like anybody _that_ much."

######################################################################

"So what did James do?" Maggie asked slyly as she reclined under the tree by the lake. The other two looked up hopefully to their red-headed friend, eager to know why Lily had been avoiding her boyfriend.

Lily groaned and plunged her head into the grass, hiding in the shelter of her arms. Kate and Anise playfully tugged on her, coaxing her to answer the question.

"You had to know this was coming!"

"We could go ask him..."

At the last comment, Lily poked her eyes out to scowl at them. "Like he would tell any of you..."

Kate smirked. "He would if we told him that we know how to make things better with you; he would sing like a canary!"

They all gave her little, superior smiles, knowing that they had her trapped and James would give information to anyone who promised to help the situation. Lily grumbled angrily, but sat up and prepared to explain.

"He's being secretive. It's been less than a month, and already I know that there is something James isn't telling me!"

"Are you sure?" Anise asked sympathetically. Lily didn't even bother to nod, but continued to stare miserably at the trunk of the tree. Kate shifted unto her knees and huddled closer.

"Maybe it's not his secret to tell. You did say that you were asking him about Sirius and Remus."

On instinct Kate and Lily looked at Maggie, Anise following suit. Maggie held her hands up in surrender. "If you think I know _anything_, you're way off. Sirius won't tell me a thing." She suddenly looked a little ashamed. "I've just been trying to ignore it."

"Are you sure he's keeping something from you?" Lily asked seriously. She needed to know for certain that there was something going on. It was an interest bordering on obsession, and it was only proving to her that she was beginning to feel much more strongly for James than she anticipated.

Maggie frowned and tilted her head to one side. "He's been moody for weeks and it's only seemed to have gotten worse. I've asked him what's wrong and he's outright said that he won't tell me."

Kate crossed her arms and asked the question that they were all wondering. "And you were okay with that?"

"No. But I had to ask myself if I really had a right to know."

Lily looked outraged for a moment. "Of course you do!"

Maggie just stared at her. "And what makes you say that?"

They were all silent, until Anise finally began slowly, "Well, you two are... are..."

"We've never said, that's the thing. It's always: 'let's see how things go' and 'it's fun and relaxing to be together,' but never anything official." She looked at Lily. "Not like you and James."

"And a fat lot of help that is. It's only complicating everything."

"Maybe Kate's right, maybe this has nothing to do with James."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "If that's the case, then why is he being so guarded about it? When he said he couldn't tell me... I just didn't think I could do it anymore. I walked away and I haven't spoken to him since."

"You broke up with him?"

"No… but what am I supposed to do if he's keeping secrets from me? We _are_ official and so I expect some honesty."

Maggie laid across the grass, pulling at the bottom of her shirt. "He's not really lying, Lil." Anise nodded her agreement and Lily looked indignant.

"Could you stop being so biased for James? You're supposed to be my friends!"

"And so we want you to be happy," Kate reminded her. "What exactly have you invested into this? Is an argument about trust so early in your relationship worth torching what you could have?"

Yes. Because Lily had invested far too much to have him lie to her with every word and every kiss. It made her realize that maybe he simply wanted her before because he couldn't have her; that she presented a challenge because she wasn't caught up in his talent and his charm. She had never been so insecure of his feelings than when she had become aware of her own. And she couldn't afford to lose anything to James Potter.

"We'll see," she said after a moment, because she couldn't possibly articulate the truth. It was too embarrassing.

Now they were silent. Lily was thinking of having to face him again and Maggie was clearly brooding about Sirius.

Anise looked around in the long quiet and finally whined, "At least you have boys to complain about..."

Lily didn't know why, but she suddenly found the remark very funny and laughed. Kate soon joined her, and Maggie reluctantly followed. And they finally forgot and simply laughed for a while, because sometimes that's just necessary.

#######################################################################

"...and you'll find that this poison would most effectively be cured by?" Slughorn looked diligently around the room for an interested student. Lily knew the answer, and it had been such an exhausting class that Slughorn probably would have taken pity on them all and allowed his favorite student to answer all of the questions. But, unfortunately, Lily was rendered silent with the feel of James' leg against her own.

She didn't know why he had decided to do it after a few days of absolutely nothing, but apparently, this Potions class was the time for him to take initiative. He had sat down next to her without a word, forcing Kate, much to her chagrin, to take James' usual spot. Lily had looked over at James, unable to withhold her surprise, only to find James staring straight ahead. Since then, she had been surreptitiously glancing sideways at him. It hadn't been until an hour into class that he had edged his leg over to where hers was positioned.

It was stupid how this meaningless (or maybe not) action had her feeling warm. She started to focus on her breathing when he tried as inconspicuously as possible to put as many points of contact between them as he could. It was difficult, since they were supposed to have room to brew, but somehow he managed to move against her side for a few minutes without attracting any attention (with the notable exception of the table behind them, where Sirius was snickering at Lily's reaction to James' antics). His nearness was distracting because she hadn't felt it in days and instantaneously craved it like a forgotten addiction.

When Slughorn's back was turned, she breathed, "What are you doing, James?"

"Nothing," he whispered. "Why, are you okay?"

Lily didn't know what game he was playing, but it was getting irritating. "I'm fine," she bit back. "Just wondering why you're pressing up against me during Potions."

But he had already moved away, and he smirked when he spoke again. "I'm not."

"This isn't just going to make me forget—"

"You haven't even let me state my case yet!" James protested. "We _have_ to talk, and you've been avoiding me for days."

"You weren't trying hard enough," she whispered smartly.

James grinned and his hand went to her leg, just above her knee. "This is me... trying."

"No," she said through clenched teeth, as she hurled his hand off her leg. "This is you being an arse!"

"You know, Lil? I think the insults are really beginning to bounce off me."

"Just shut up!" She almost forgot to whisper, but Slughorn was now writing something on the board and wasn't paying attention. A few people turned in their direction. "What are you trying to accomplish? Making a scene is not going to exactly endear you to me!"

"Whatever is going to get you to talk to me," he answered forcefully and she knew that he was not going to stop until he got what he wanted.

She huffed and looked away from him angrily. Slughorn was going on and on about something, and this class was lasting forever. A few minutes later, she felt him move closer to her and immediately tensed. His warm hand blanketed hers under the table. "I'm serious, Potter. Knock it off."

"Relax, Lil—"

"Evans!" Slughorn suddenly called out. James didn't move from her side and Lily jumped and straightened. She hadn't heard the question.

"Yes, sir?"

"Can you give me the antidote?" Oh, bloody hell. Why her, now?

She didn't want to ask him which poison he was referring to or he would know that she hadn't been paying attention. The thoughts fell from her mind when James ran the pad of his thumb over the top of her hand. She tried to discreetly tug it away, but he held fast.

"I..." Slughorn was looking over at her in surprise; he had never heard her fumble on a question before.

"Breathe, Evans," James advised with the hint of a smile.

"Shut it, you idiot!" she snapped back as quietly as possible.

"The answer, Ms. Evans... if Mr. Potter is distracting you..." Now she was blushing as the class chuckled at her expense. Sirius even wolf-whistled until Kate slammed her heel into his foot and it quickly became a howl of pain.

"Not at all, sir," James said modestly. "I'm sure that Lily knows the answer, she is just thinking over all that you said today."

Slughorn frowned at James, "Thank you, Potter, but I believe that Evans can speak for herself."

"I can, indeed," Lily said through gritted teeth while glaring at the jerk next to her. James only squeezed her hand once.

"Wormwood," Maggie hissed from her other side. She had been flipping through her Potions book for the answer while the class had been carrying on.

"Wormwood," Lily burst out gratefully. Slughorn smiled at her, relieved that a member of the Slug Club wasn't losing her touch.

"That _is _correct. And though it is a very simple substance, it does contain certain properties..."

Lily finally pulled her hand free of James' and gave him a murderous stare. "I hate you."

James looked unruffled as she turned to the front and he continued to watch her profile. "You always have."

########################################################################

She strode by hoards of students furiously, so quickly that James had to jog to catch up with her. He had blinked once the end of class signaled, and he had almost missed her tearing out of the room. Sirius watched her crimson hair disappear out the door, looking both amused and sympathetic at the same time. "Lilykins looks mad. You best go after her, mate." James didn't need to be told twice.

"Evans!" he called as she sped through another corridor. "Lily, come on!" It was good that he wasn't a Seeker for nothing. He finally caught her arm as the next period began. They had somehow ended up near Professor Flitwick's classroom in Lily's fury to get away from him.

She turned on him and she was angry. Really angry. "You think you can just play games and embarrass me in front of the entire class to get what you want?" He stepped back, but she stopped him and grabbed the front of his robes. "I've got news for you. You can't!"

"Nothing else was working, Lil," he said calmly, knowing that if he got angry as well that it would further incense her.

"You know what would work?" she was looking at him, her face changing from livid to desperate. "If you would just tell me what's going on!"

James grabbed her wrists and pulled them off of his robes, but held tightly to them. "What if I told you that it doesn't affect us at all?" He wasn't going to insult her intelligence again by denying that he had a secret.

"I would tell you that it isn't enough." She was sad, and she was relaxing into the hopeless she was beginning to feel.

"Why not?" he asked softly. He pressed his forehead against hers. "Why not?"

"Because, this is... it's too important to me." She said it in a rush, so the confession would be quick and painless. He pulled back to look at her, dropping her wrists as he did so.

"You mean that?"

She didn't look him in the eye, but she nodded slightly and his heart leapt. He look at her deeply, too apprehensive to admire the bright green of her eyes. "Then, please listen to me."

She knew what it meant when he began like that and she sighed and began to turn away when he took her by the shoulders. "I promise... I promise that I will tell you absolutely everything... soon."

"Soon, James?" she asked flatly. "What if we don't have that much time?"

"We will if you just let me get this out," he pleaded. "I do have a secret, but it isn't about me exactly. It's not... it's just this stupid bloody thing that doesn't mean anything for us! It's insignificant!" He was understating quite a bit, but he was too afraid that she would turn her back on him to care. "But if I go around telling people—"

"I'm not just 'people'!" The look in her eye was daring him to tell her otherwise.

"God, don't you think I know that you aren't? What I'm trying to say is… what I will tell you is something that I keep from others to protect someone. I can't betray that now. So much has happened that I'm afraid if I tell anybody, that something _else _horrible will happen. I'm not going to be responsible for ruining things again."

"What is it?" Lily asked, getting more curious and anxious by the minute. She saw his sincerity and was partly relieved that it wasn't directly about him.

"Lily, I promise I'll tell you. Just not this minute." His hands slid down her arms and he looked at her gently. "I don't want to lose you, but this is the best I can do."

He stopped talking and waited for her to respond, the honesty apparent in his hazel eyes. She almost cringed at having to say it, but she understood better why he was doing what he was. She had to respect that. "Alright."

James sighed in relief, leaning his forehead into hers again. She wanted to make something clear. "But I won't wait forever, James. And you can't expect me to be more patient than I can stand to be."

He nodded. "That's fine." In his happiness, he pulled her in and hugged her tightly to him. She allowed it and reciprocated the embrace, resting her head on his shoulder. She didn't know how she was going to keep her agreement, but she would try. But then, he _had_ admitted little things that got her closer to his secret. And if he refused to tell her, broken up or not, she would find out herself.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N:

"Spoken to your brother, lately?" Kate murmured when she found Sirius walking to class, alone. She nimbly fell into step with him.

"No," he answered curtly, not even looking at her. "Not really a huge change, considering I haven't spoken to him since I moved out."

"Maybe," she conceded uncertainly. "But don't you think things are different now?"

He shrugged, becoming increasingly annoyed with her wheedling. Ever since he had started getting a little more honest with her, she had been pushing and pushing. That wasn't what he wanted. Truthfully, he hadn't wanted any of this, but he had no choice in most of the matter and he was quickly tiring of the part he did have control over. He didn't want Kate telling him what to do.

He _had_ resolved once or twice to stop being so open with her, but he was beginning to find that he couldn't help it. Her techniques were calming in their own way, not because she was a gentle person (about as far away from gentle or sympathetic as one could get, in fact) but it was obvious that she kind of 'got' him. And even when she was telling him what he didn't want to hear, he realized that she was hearing everything he said in the way that he wanted to be heard. He didn't have to translate for Kate, ever.

Now if she would just stop that annoying habit of trying to get him to do the right thing.

"Different?" he asked after a long moment, finally looking down at her. "No, I don't think so…"

She would have spoken again, but they found themselves at the entrance of the Defense Against the Dark Arts room, where all of their friends were waiting. "Ta ta for now, Jared." He could feel the heated glare searing a hole into his back as she halted and he continued walking.

James was standing near the door with Lily, who was looking bored. "What's going on there, mate?" he was frowning in slight confusion, but was trying to play it off in present company. Sirius wasn't fooled, because his eyes kept darting over to where Kate was standing with Remus and Peter. Sirius wanted to laugh when he looked at Lily. She had made it clear that she was angry that James was keeping something from her, and now he was acting very careful around her, which did very little to help his case. The bad mood seemed not to have lifted quite yet, since Lily was studying Sirius as if she could glean guilt from his very posture. James' girlfriend knew more than James himself did, and Sirius couldn't help but chuckle at the somewhat surreptitious question.

"Nothing but the usual, mate. I have to admit that Jared is an aggressive little thing when she wants to be," he said with a careless toss of his hand. Lily wasn't going to get anything out of him; he had always been inscrutable when it came to woman. Maybe the redhead wouldn't be so nosy if James hadn't fed into her curious nature; it certainly wasn't doing him any favors.

James cocked an eyebrow. "What'd you do this time, Pad?"

Lily smirked. "When isn't he doing something?"

Sirius grinned sweetly at Lily, causing her to scowl. He was really pissing her off. He knew that she had already decided to play judge and jury, when the truth of it was that he would never do that to Maggie. Why she even thought anything of it was beyond him. "True, Lilykins. But I think it's more that fact that I breathe that bothers her." He was quickly becoming uncomfortable, which he hadn't expected. He wasn't doing anything wrong, so it would be great if Lily stopped looking at him like he was some kind of leper. Seemingly void of pressure, he cracked a joke. "But I mean, come on," he spread his arms and gestured to himself. "What's not to like about the magnificence of this?"

"Oh, where do I begin?" said a voice behind them. Maggie came over and slipped her arm through Sirius'.

"Hey," Sirius greeted in a strangely cordial tone. It threw James for a loop, but then he noticed that Sirius didn't try and pull his arm away, which is what he usually would do to a girl. Sirius wasn't much for cutesy, physical signs of affection. He realized that Lily had tensed beside him. He was about to ask if she was okay, when the class began filtering into the room and Lily swiftly followed. James was pulled in after her when he didn't let go of her arm, but she hadn't seemed to notice.

Lily didn't want to deal with having the knowledge of a possibility that could break Maggie's heart. Things were already hard enough between her and James and now, every time she saw Kate and Sirius together, warning bells went off in her head. The both swore up and down that it was nothing, but frankly, their companionship was far too effortless. They spoke in hushed tones and disappeared for hours at a time. In front of their friends, they engaged each other more, even if only to fight. They were doing something together, and though Kate was a good liar, Lily knew that it wasn't some school project. They had a secret, and secrets bound people in a way that was both very intense and very destructive to all those surrounding. If she and James were not proof of that, she didn't know what was.

So she couldn't stand there and watch Sirius loop his arm around her best friend and not feel like she was betraying Maggie. But Lily wasn't going to say anything. First of all, she wasn't positive that anything _was_ going on, and if there was, she did not want the task of looking Maggie in the eye and telling her that. Secondly, Kate was her friend too, and she wasn't the type to do something like this. Lily would swear that she trusted Kate, but seeing the two together just gave her a strange feeling.

#################################################################

When class was dismissed, Lily turned to James. "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be around later."

James didn't appear convinced as he reached up and played with a strand of her hair. "Are you sure?"

Lily rolled her eyes and swatted his hand away. "That I have to go to the bathroom? Yes, James, I'm positive."

She watched as his jaw clenched and he obviously bit back some kind of response and she felt herself soften a little. It meant something to him if he was working to control himself, so she left him with something of a peace offering.

Maggie observed Lily as she kissed a suspicious James on the cheek and made some excuse to walk off. She then turned to Sirius and nodded her head toward the door. "I want to know what is going on with her."

Sirius blinked and didn't say anything for a moment. This is exactly what he feared would happen. He couldn't very well tell her not to go after Lily, but he could see a definite issue arising. He was helpless. "By all means..." he said as invitingly as he could muster.

When she had disappeared after her best friend, he went over to where James was standing and Kate was sidling up to him. "You should have known something was up when she kissed you in public and she was too distracted to look embarrassed about it."

James looked over at her and ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah, thanks," he returned sarcastically. "Should I go after her?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, mate. Just let her go with Mags. Sometimes it's just better to let them stew."

"Says the relationship expert," Kate muttered as they headed out the door.

"Look, Jared, I know women," Sirius protested vehemently. "Sometimes it's better if they aren't bothered."

"That's if you've led them on and you want them to go away," Kate shot back. "I don't think that James is looking to go that route."

"Then what do you do?"

"You fix it!" Kate said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "When you do something stupid, you need to make it better. You need to apologize and make it up somehow!"

"You females and your rules," Sirius grumbled. "And you wonder why we don't like to start naming our future children on the first date. It's give an inch, and you're done for."

"Nice philosophy, Black. Because God forbid we ask for simple human consideration!" Kate said dramatically.

Sirius snorted. "Quite the little actress, aren't you?"

James looked between them for a moment in distressed surprise before shaking his head. "Look, mate, I'm going to go. I have to catch up on some bloody homework before Transfiguration... or do something." He left abruptly and the two finally halted their argument to look after him.

"We really took the mickey out of him, didn't we?" Kate asked. Sirius shook his head, but seemed to have other things on his mind. "What's your problem?"

"Well, Maggie went after Lily... and Lily..." Kate followed Sirius' apparent train of thought and interjected.

"Lily won't say a word," she pronounced, with more sureness than she really felt. "You don't know her like I do, and she wouldn't do that to Maggie unless she was absolutely positive that we were..." She couldn't figure out how to finish the sentence without springing up a palpable awkwardness between them.

"Fooling around?" Sirius suggested dryly.

Kate sighed. "Well, yeah." She adjusted her skirt a little and looked up at him, her brown eyes unassuming.

He turned away. "Can we talk about something else?"

She nodded to the floor in a seemingly shy motion but when her eyes met his again, he saw the speculative spark in them. He should've known. "About you and Regulus..."

Sirius groaned. "Kate, there's this thing, it's called 'knowing when to quit'..."

She didn't heed his interruption, but pressed on like she hadn't heard him. "What are you afraid of? At worst, he won't speak to you..."

He rolled his eyes at her nonchalant rudeness. Two could play at that game. "Maybe your parents didn't think it was important to convey this particular lesson..."

"...and that isn't really a change from the usual way of things, is it?"

"Nevertheless, it's a pretty essential part of social interaction…"

"But I may have realized the problem. You seem to have an aversion to playing hero, even to your own flesh and blood!"

"Really, I'm trying to help. People don't take kindly to others getting involved in their personal business and exploiting their weaknesses." Sirius spoke through gritted teeth, she was beginning to hit home and the worst part was that she knew exactly what she was doing.

"Unfortunately, Black, you aren't a coward, so sometimes you're just going to have to do the noble thing and just deal with the fact that you aren't so bad."

"I'm going to do the 'noble' thing and let you know that your inability to grasp this concept may offend people..."

"Or maybe _people_ are scared that they may have to step up from time to time when someone forces them to see the truth," Kate responded pleasantly, tiring of their little game.

"_People_ don't need sarcastic little Gryffindor girls to tell them how to live their lives."

"Of course, silly me! You're doing such a smashing job without my advice!"

"It's not really recommended to give out advice for things you know nothing about."

She rounded on him, stopping abruptly. "I know enough to see exactly why you're running away."

Her confidence was well-deserved, but Sirius wasn't about to let her see that. He smirked, shaking his head and appraising her shrewdly. "I knew this was a horrible idea, telling you things." His expression darkened into a scowl. "You can't be trusted."

Her chocolate eyes narrowed. "Oh really? I haven't said a word to anyone about anything you've told me. But if you keep on like this, you're going to being sulking and miserable for the rest of your stupid life. And do I have to remind you that you aren't just affecting yourself, you selfish ass?"

He barked out an almost sinister laugh. "I'm selfish? Forgive me, for wanting my brother to live a full life instead of getting killed in a matter of weeks or months because he's a bloody Death Eater! Which I can't even tell James, because he's too mesmerized by Evans to know which way is up. That, in and of itself is problematic, because it doesn't even look like she cares about him all that much, and..." He stopped when he saw the small smile playing on the brunette's features.

"Something amusing?"

Kate shook her head with a bemused frown. "Why does it take so much for you to just admit that?"

Sirius looked furious. "Will you STOP with the mind games?"

Kate was unruffled by his rage and just looked at him steadily. "You aren't fooling anyone."

For some reason, those words struck a chord with Sirius. There was a silence then, which lent an ominous tone to what she had said. He stared at her in blatant surprise, before taking a step back with a slightly fearful expression. "Maybe not you," he said with quiet concern, beginning to realize why Lily was so wary of them.

The mood shifted quickly as Kate's smile melted into something more serious. She swallowed and shook her head. "Not just me."

He humored her a little. "How would you know?"

For once in her life, Kate didn't have the words. "I... just do."

Sirius nodded a little and then looked down. "This can't go on."

Kate's heart began to beat a little faster. He wasn't really going to go there, was he? "What can't?"

What? Them. Spending so much time together and talking while they stole time away from their respective lives. Being painfully honest with each other to the point when they would very unwillingly become dependent. He couldn't stand that and she couldn't do it in good faith. He had always plunged in, head-first without a thought, without a care. But she... she was supposed to know better. And in the sea of "nothing," there may have been something so incomprehensibly frightening that they should run, not walk away. _She _was supposed to be smarter than this.

But words failed him. She wasn't going to talk about this, and if it would have to be him to start, it wasn't going to happen at all. He cleared his throat and looked harshly at her with his defiance. "Me... breaking down like this. You can't make me do this. We've been trailing those Slytherins for weeks now and have come up with nothing. Lately, it's like they've completely dropped the whole thing. We need to be focused."

Kate crossed her arms as her heart rate slowed. Something else was begging to be addressed here. "What you _need_ is to come to terms with this whole thing. What you _need_ is your friends back and to let go of your brother."

"That's not possible!" he spat.

Kate flung her hands out. "See? You can't let Regulus make this decision! If you want to save him, then save him! If you want your life back, then take it back, Black." She moved to walk away, but he stopped her, his hand clamping her arm.

"It's not that simple," he said feverishly, shaking her slightly. "You have no idea... no idea."

She felt bad, but he didn't need someone feeling sorry for him. He craved the support he once had and this was the only way to get it for him. She leaned in and softened her voice. "You're right, Sirius. I don't know what the hell happened between you and the rest of the Marauders, particularly Remus. But I do know that it's destroyed you."

Sirius found himself unable to hold back a flinch at her words, but she went on. "Everything is compounding and if you don't settle some things, you're going to break. Not even Sirius Black can hold that much together."

Sirius blinked and gave her a look, daring her to challenge his next words. "Especially not Sirius Black."

Kate pulled away finally and met his gaze. "No. And you saying that proves exactly what I'm telling you." She pushed past him and made to leave, but not before looking back. "Let me know when you're done feeling sorry for yourself and you're ready to fix this for real. And just for referencing purposes... you have no idea how Lily feels about James, so don't pretend that you do."

Sirius waited until her petite figure was out of sight and well out of earshot before he turned on his heel angrily and slammed his fist into the wall.

##########################################################################

Maggie found Lily sitting on her bed when she went up to the girls' dormitories. "Why'd you run off like that?"

Lily looked up at her with clouded green eyes that betrayed nothing. "I'm just tired."

Maggie gave her a sympathetic look and planted herself next to Lily on the bed. "James?"

Lily shook her head and let out a laugh with a strange, ironic edge to it. "No, that's… he's trying hard and I can't fault him for that. I just feel like something is hanging over our heads and when it drops... I don't know what the consequences are going to be."

"At least he was straight with you," Maggie laid back across the bed. "I still don't know what Sirius' problem is, and he's given me no reason to think that I have a right to ask him about it."

Lily fell onto the bed next to Maggie with a flop. "I don't want to talk about Sirius." She tried her best to keep the venom from her voice, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that her friend was going to be in for some huge problems.

Maggie frowned in mild concern. "Why not?"

"Because... he's another card-holding member of their exclusive little club with a big secret. We don't need them, right?" Lily grinned as she pushed other thoughts to the back of her mind. She knew what she had promised James, but with all of this added pressure, it was becoming unbearable. So, she spoke without a thought. "We'll disappear for a while and let them sweat, shall we?"

Her curly-haired friend giggled and her hand found Lily's. "I'll go with that," she said with a squeeze. "But I have to grab my Astronomy books from the common room before some second-year whelp decides it would be smart to hide them."

"Then we shall," Lily answered, rising from her bed and taking off down the stairs.

Unfortunately, all plans were shot to hell when Lily was waiting for Maggie to find her books and she felt a hand on her shoulder. She spun around to meet the familiar face that she was sure she would. "James."

His hazel eyes were watching her and his hand slowly moved from her shoulder down the length of her arm. "Who else?"

She ignored him, looking distractedly around the room. "What do you want?"

This time, he didn't seem to be put off or apologetic when she was curt with him. "For you to come with me," he said simply. His voice was different than usual, maybe it was a lack of desperation or the absence of the fear that he would lose her, but it urged her to look him in the eye. She recognized his garb and remembered that he had Quidditch practice earlier.

Lily turned around, searching for Maggie. "I can't, Potter, I promised that I—"

James jolted her arm so she would face him again. "Break the promise."

She stared at him in quiet surprise before gesturing vaguely behind her. "But I'm—"

He pulled her in then, and brought his mouth close to her ear. "Break the promise," he whispered fiercely.

There was a hard sincerity in his eyes that she would have been crazy to deny. Something was different. She wanted to play hard-to-get, but her head nodded of its own volition and he quickly led her out the portrait hole.

She allowed herself to be pulled along, knowing that it was very close to after-hours. "Where are we going?"

A small smile curved his lips. "You'll see, now won't you, Lilykins?"

He finally stopped at the Quidditch pitch. "Here."

She looked at him for a moment, and then around the pitch, before she laughed. "Why?" she finally sputtered.

He watched her reaction, without a foul expression, as if he had been expecting her to behave this way. He waited until her laughter faded to walk over by the stands, where his broom lay abandoned. She followed him out of curiosity, wondering about his strange mood. She watched as his fingers reached out to touch the handle softly.

"You said... that you wanted to know everything... that you had a right to know..."

He paused and Lily looked warily at him, at the hand that was gliding down the smooth wood of his broomstick. "Yes..."

"You're right."

Lily's breath caught in her throat, then, slowly her eyes narrowed. She waited for him to say something else, perhaps that there was a catch to this. He wasn't going to just come out with it.

"But you have to give me some time with what you really want to know."

She made a noise of impatience. "Is this some kind of game?" she demanded. "Because it's not funny, James. You dragged me the whole way—"

"No," he said firmly. "That isn't why we're here."

He was infuriating and she raised her eyes heavenward. "Then what?"

James finally turned away from the broom, his eyes the slightest bit accusatory. "I thought you could wait. You agreed..."

Lily crossed her arms; the gesture was defensive, but at the same time, there was a hint of shame. "I know."

"But I get that this is hard, and I don't want you to think that… I don't want this to work because there's something I'm not saying. When I was..." he gestured out to the pitch, "flying tonight, I was thinking about all of the times we've gotten into arguments here."

She hadn't thought of that, but when he said it, she realized it was true. Through the years when he would taunt her as she happened to pass during his practice, that night when she went looking for him and spent hours waiting for him to come back from the woods, and even just the other day they fought here. The epiphany caused a sad chuckle to escape her lips. "I've never liked Quidditch."

He smirked. "You don't have to remind me. But you say you want to know... everything. So..." he looked down at her. "This is a part of it, bigger than anything I haven't told you. It's more me."

She stared at him as the sky began to darken and she shrugged. "Cute, Potter. But standing in the middle of the Quidditch pitch isn't going to unlock any hidden secrets to your psyche."

James cocked an eyebrow. "You think so? Care to test that theory?"

Lily snorted softly. "What do you propose?"

James' hand shot reflexively behind him and he caught his broom neatly. "A ride."

Her eyes widened like saucers as she took a small step back. "I hope you don't mean on that thing." She was shaking her head back and forth.

"What other kind of ride is there?" he replied smartly and got a kick in the shins for his trouble. "Come on, Lil, it won't bite."

"Maybe it won't bite you!" she shot back. "I can't, you know that they sense fear!"

James laughed and approached her predatorily. "Do you think I would let it hurt you?"

"Please," she scoffed, "you wouldn't lift a finger. You'll be incapacitated with laughter, just like every other time you've seen me with a broom!"

He sighed with heavy amusement. "You can't blame me for that time in first-year…"

"You told me I was giving the broom a seizure, and then cracked up when it hit me in the side!"

"Ancient history..."

"What about in the third-year when you told me I couldn't fly around the pitch, or last spring, when—"

"Alright! I get it." James raised his arms in surrender. "But I'll be with you the entire time." He extended his hand to her. "Don't you want to know what makes us love it so much? Don't you want to feel that?" He lifted one shoulder to pass his words off as careless. "Do it with me."

"You can't be serious."

"Dead serious." He gestured to her with his outstretched hand. "Let's go, Evans. Gryffindors aren't cowards."

Her hand hovered over his as she glared at him, because she wasn't going to shrink away and he knew that she was going up in the air with him. "You get one chance," she said when she place her palm in his. A true smile spread on his face and he pulled her over.

"And you won't regret this."

#########################################################################

Kate groaned as Maggie towed her down the corridor. "I don't think that Lily was kidnapped or hexed into oblivion, Mags. She probably just met up with Potter, and I really don't want to walk in on them snogging in an empty classroom."

"She wouldn't just leave, Kate." Maggie said crossly. "And she told me that she's sworn off men for a while."

"You didn't really believe that, did you?"

"Just help me find her and stop complaining!"

Kate decided to keep her mouth shut and humor her friend as they walked up and down the staircases looking for Lily. But she had to object when Maggie started leading her down. "Lily isn't going to be in Slytherin territory, Maggie. I'm telling you, she's with James!"

"It can't hurt to look. And won't you feel guilty if we find out she was dismembered or something by Bellatrix Black!"

"That's a creepy thing to think about."

They slipped down another flight of stairs. "Then cooperate."

When they heard voices a little further off, Maggie gave her a glimpse of a smug look. "Do you hear that?"

Kate frowned and their pace slowed. "Yeah. It sounds like talking, but it doesn't sound like girls." The sound was getting clearer and the small brunette suddenly recognized one of the voices and the only thought in her head was that she needed to get Maggie out of here. She began to tug on Maggie's hand. "That definitely isn't Lils, Maggie. Let's get out of here."

Maggie took the time to look vaguely surprised at her friend. "You're the last person to shrink away from anything interesting."

"Not today. We shouldn't be here!" Kate finally yanked her hand away, but that didn't succeed in stopping Maggie.

"Just in case, Kate! Hurry up!"

There was nothing to do but to follow her. Kate ambled over to where Maggie had finally come to a halt at the bottom of the stairs. New dread awakened in Kate when her fears were confirmed and they both witnessed Sirius talking in hushed tones with his brother.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: I am really REALLY sorry that this is being added soooo late! I don't have a good excuse, just a bunch of things, but my muse is back for this and I really want to continue with this fic. I hope there is still interest for it, as I plan on continuing these updates more frequently. I know I really suck for keeping you guys hanging, but I do have plans for this fic and I hope you'll stick with me :). If anybody still wants me to continue writing it, please review and let me know…

I hate to say that there is no L/J in this chapter but this is a HUGE chapter for plot movement… in which L/J will be involved. It's going to get really messy very soon, that is, if anyone is still reading. Anyway, without further ado…

Chapter 20:

Kate actually felt her heart sink in dread when she saw the look of rapt attention and surprise on her friend's face as she edged closer to the dark-shrouded brothers. She made a grab for her hand.

"Stop."

Maggie dodged Kate's reach and eyed her curiously. The suspicion in her gaze was evident and Kate was once again cursing her situation. "Why? What's going on?"

They would have to get closer if they really wanted to hear anything. Sirius had his arms out as he scowled at his brother and dropped his voice. Regulus closed his eyes and shook his head.

"You know, don't you?" the curly haired brunette finally asked her friend with a dark sense of finality. All Maggie needed was one slip of the tongue or aversion of eyes to get the confirmation she readily expected. She kept wetting her lips and cocked her head to one side while she waited.

One slip.

Kate took a breath and turned to look Maggie dead in the eye, a hard and sincere mask on her face. "No, I don't."

But Maggie didn't believe her, because she didn't want to believe her. And despite how she may have felt about Sirius, she would have been content to have him honestly, rather than a constant, but unreachable presence. Her face remained unchanged, but her eyes signaled to Kate that something had shifted far out of her favor, and with a half-smile, Maggie took a step away from Kate and toward the brothers.

After a pause, Maggie fully turned from her friend and began to move with purpose. Kate could say nothing, but her mind raced with the potential of the circumstances. Their relationship problems and Sirius' dirty laundry would certainly be aired out. But Kate intervening could have far worse consequences. It could open the flood gates to questions that Kate would never want to have posed to her, simply because she may not want to face the answers for herself.

She watched Maggie's quiet steps bringing her to a pillar closer to Sirius and Regulus and was forced to make a fast decision. With deft hands, Kate unclasped the silver bracelet that hung on her wrist and let it clatter to the floor, making a shrill and distinct sound that echoed around the hall. As she suspected would happen, both boys whipped their heads toward the sound and she stood in plain view of them with a faux-apologetic look on her face. Maggie turned as well, and Kate's heart skipped at the cold disbelief on her face and made her forget exactly why protecting Sirius seemed so important; why it always did. Because in the face of betrayal, any of that sense flew out the window.

She saw Sirius' eyes swivel to Maggie a moment later, unsure and forcibly tepid. Kate wondered what could have been going through his head then.

Regulus was the first to speak. "Is there a reason two Gryffindor girls are sneaking around by the dungeons when classes are out?"

Kate walked over to where Maggie was standing and gave Sirius a pointed look. "If you two were having a secret discussion, having it out where anybody could walk by probably isn't the most brilliant idea."

Regulus didn't seem to have an answer to that, but Sirius took a step closer to where they were standing, like a canine wary of a threat. "What are you doing down here?"

"Looking for Lily," Maggie replied honestly. The look on her face suggested that she was still slightly dazed by the situation, and it was obvious that there would be a lot of questions once Regulus was gone.

The Slytherin Black brother let out a noise of impatience. "Why would the redhead be down here? You could've tried a place that made a bit more sense…"

"It couldn't hurt to look…" Maggie mumbled, obviously no longer caring where the hell her best friend was. Kate used her friend's momentary distraction with Regulus to send Sirius a fierce glare. He should've known better than to do this somewhere so out in the open.

"Don't get all hot and bothered with us just because you decided to have some secretive conversation where anybody could overhear…" Kate intervened with an arched eyebrow, trying to hit Sirius with all of the subtlety of a hammer. "I thought Slytherins were supposed to be smoother than that."

Regulus raised his eyebrows with a smirk before running a hand through his hair. "Okay, as fun as this has been, I no longer want to waste my time talking to you." He spared Sirius a glance. "And I think we're finished here."

"Oh, do you?" Sirius finally said coldly. He had begun to wonder at this point why every interaction he had with someone had to end in a confrontation. _Because that's the way you like it; a constant struggle and fight keeps things interesting._

Regulus looked him square in the eye and nodded sharply. "Yeah, I think so. So why don't you Gryffindors run off to your happy little Tower. There's no point in trying to make nice."

Sirius didn't stop him from going; he didn't have the energy. Nor did he have the energy for the next onslaught as he turned to his hurt girlfriend. Her green eyes were wide with confusion and it made Sirius feel guilty, an emotion that was quickly making him reach his breaking point.

"So this is what it's been about...the distance... What's going on, Sirius?" Maggie asked quietly. "And why are you hiding it from me?"

Sirius groaned and cast a look over to Kate, who was standing on the fringes of the corridor, looking as if she dearly wanted to leave. But when she met his eye, he realized that he was entirely on his own.

"I wasn't…hiding anything…" he said through gritted teeth.

If Maggie were a more temperamental person, she would have scoffed at his blatant lie. Instead her eyes dropped to the floor, like she couldn't stand the sight of him and shook her head. "Why are you always trying to make your life so bloody difficult?"

It was the wrong thing to say. Sirius' head shot up in surprised anger. "Trying? I haven't been _trying_ to make my life anything but half the wreck it already is! But every time I try to fix something, I mess it up twice as badly! Do you have any idea what that's like? Having everything fall down around your ears knowing that you can only make yourself more miserable? But how could you get that?" he snorted.

"I really don't think you want me to," Maggie said simply, but there was a clear livid undertone. "I think you would prefer to suffer alone so that you could just be misunderstood and stay that way. You aren't even capable of opening up, are you?"

There was a stiff silence for an agonizing minute while Sirius refused to acknowledge her words. Kate only watched steadily, unwilling to say anything. Finally, a fed-up Maggie looked over at her brunette friend with a regretful smile playing on her lips. "Or maybe I'm just not the right person…"

Maggie felt the slight satisfaction of seeing Sirius' jaw clench. He fixed his eyes on her firmly. "You don't know what you're talking about."

She let out a little laugh. "Come on, Sirius, it's obvious that Kate knows at least more than I do! Is she just more deserving of your confidence?" She glared at Kate. "Why don't you share your secret to Sirius' innermost thoughts, Kate? I'm sure there are some that would pay through the nose for it."

Kate's gaze was unflinching and stern, but her words were surprisingly soft. "That's not it at all, Mags. It was an accident…"

"And say I believe that…" she looked back to Sirius, her eyes nearly pleading him. "If she already knows, then tell me what's going on with your brother. Just tell me and I won't breathe a word of it, Sirius. I just want you to trust me!"

His expression softened and for a small moment, both Kate and Maggie thought that he would break down and tell Maggie exactly how much he was struggling with the fact that his brother was becoming a Death Eater, to be a puppet of the most evil wizard that had ever lived, but the words choked in his throat. "I'm sorry," he muttered, and he really looked it.

But that wasn't enough. Maggie let go of the breath she had been unwittingly holding and her body relaxed in small defeat. "Alright, fine. I just can't deal with this right now."

Kate watched as Maggie fled the corridor, apparently not even caring that she had left her boyfriend with the one person she had every right to be jealous of.

#######################################################################

Regulus couldn't help but roll his eyes at the collection of Slytherins he found huddled around the table in the common room. If they had been specifically chosen, they couldn't have arranged a more intelligent group driven by sadism: Lestrange, Nott, Malfoy, Snape, Crabbe, Goyle, Macnair, and of course, his cousins Bella and Narcissa.

It wasn't that he didn't agree with what they stood for; on the contrary, he almost admired their dedication... _almost_. Even he would admit that there was something far too intense about the way they spoke of Lord Voldemort. It was true that he was to be a Death Eater, but he couldn't understand the way those like his cousin Bella were so prepared to die for this cause…like she found that it would be a noble death beyond her wildest dreams. In fact, she probably did dream about it at night. Bellatrix gave him chills.

Regulus didn't care about anything that much, and if he did, it wouldn't have been obsessive worship of another wizard, no matter how awe-inspiring his wizardry was.

Bella smirked when her eyes fell on him and she sauntered over to his side, putting her arm around him. The other members of her little group were watching with varying levels of interest and Regulus immediately felt wary. Bellatrix had an indefinable quality that made his hair stand up on end, and it was at its most prominent whenever she touched him.

"Where have you been, cousin?" she breathed in his ear. He could hear the pleasure in her voice and he shrunk away from her, displacing her arm.

"Nearby," he said with a lot more coolness than he felt. "But why are you taking the time to chat it up with me in the middle of your top-secret mission discussion?"

Bella sneered slowly at his sarcasm. "Wish you were in on it, Reg?" Regulus didn't say anything, just watched her carefully. Bellatrix often reminded him of an animal just waiting to pounce… it was all in the posture and expression on her face. Sometimes it was scary how much she reminded him of Sirius, which was ironic as the two loathed each other. But that was only another thing that caused him to dislike Bella: she constantly and instinctually made him think of his once-brother (according to Mother, Sirius was no longer a member of the family).

From over her shoulder, Malfoy and Lestrange were leaning back on their seats with twin looks of intrigue on their faces. Regulus knew that despite the fact that Bella was a woman, she was calling the shots as far as this little foray into Gryffindor destruction. If she invited him into the fold, none of them, not even her boyfriend Rodolphus, would dispute Regulus' joining.

"Sorry," he shrugged, trying to keep very calm. "I've got Quidditch, so I'm pretty much booked until post-season…"

Bella's eyes narrowed in speculation. "Either that, or somebody isn't interested in going up against his dear brother?" Her lips curled cruelly. "You do know that once we join the war, Sirius is going to be the enemy, right?"

"Who said I had a problem with that?"

"Me," Bellatrix said softly. "I wouldn't want you to go into this without knowing exactly what you're doing…"

Her words were syrupy and her beautiful face was almost innocent, but Regulus knew that Bella had never felt concern for anybody in her entire life. So, he took her words for what they were—completely manipulative.

"How kind of you," he said smarmily. "But I have thought this through plenty...why so worried, Bella?"

All of the Slytherins were listening closely now, trying to interpret what was going on. All of them knew that Bellatrix wasn't to be taken at face-value, but it was rare that anybody even came close to playing her game. With a curious look on her face, his cousin began circling him slowly as if she was sizing him up. A small smile was playing on her full lips.

"I just wanted to give you the...opportunity to prove that you are capable of performing the Dark Lord's will..."

"By accepting me into your group of vigilantes?" he asked dryly.

Bella chuckled, as did Snape, Malfoy, Avery, and Nott. "We aren't vigilantes… we have something so much better in mind, Reg." Her footsteps ceased behind him and her hot breath once again tickled the back of his neck. "Go sit over there and I'll tell you _everything_."

#######################################################################

The words had been half out of his mouth. He would easily bet his life on that fact, that the words had almost poured out in an emotional confession to his girlfriend. But his pride wouldn't allow him and the truth suddenly felt like lead in his mouth.

Regulus didn't mean anything to him anymore. 'Brother' was a term reserved for James, not the boy that lived in _that house_ with his psychotic mother and selfish and terrible father. And he would never admit to caring for him again, to anyone. He didn't want Maggie's pity and he would much rather have her contempt than coddling.

When had this become such an issue? If anything, he was trying to protect Maggie from the cesspool that was his life. He wouldn't unburden himself to her; he had already mistakenly done that with the dark-haired girl that stood nearby, looking quite unhappy suddenly.

"Thanks for the help," Sirius snarled at Kate. In that moment, he hated her. He hated her big brown eyes and mahogany curls and her mischievous pout. He wanted to take all of those things he noticed about her and light them on fire until they crumbled into a steaming nothing. He wanted to shove every sarcastic quip she had every uttered back into her mouth so she would choke on it. He wanted to tear apart her smooth speech and melodic voice; the tilt of her head and the way her dark eyelashes fell over her eyes.

And he didn't even really know why.

Maybe it was because he didn't want to think about his brother right now... he just couldn't. But he _could_ list all of the things that he had ever noticed about Kate Jared and curse his very existence for remembering it all when he had never tried to. It was amazing to him that one person could make everything so easy and so difficult at the same time.

It made him want to strangle her in all her vexing witticism. He wanted nothing more than to forget her and the Slytherins and their big idea to discover what those evil blood-snobs were planning.

"This is all your bloody fault, you realize. You TOLD me to talk to my brother. And when Maggie was standing here, hurt and upset because she thought that I trusted you more than her, you just fucking STOOD there and said NOTHING! What kind of friend are you?" His chest was heaving with anger that was still waiting for terrible release. He didn't know if there would ever be an end to this feeling.

Kate didn't look as if his outburst surprised her one bit. She simply looked at him, sadly. Sirius had never seen Kate look genuinely sad, and it nearly made him want to take it all back. She looked at him with raw emotion in her eyes.

"But it's true," she said miserably, almost whispering the confession. "It may have been a mistake at first, but you do trust me more. Maggie hates both of us for that, because she doesn't know the whole story; and now she'll probably never hear it." Sirius' glower darkened at the thought. As much as he told himself that he could stand Maggie hating him, it was hard knowing that it was someone who had been so unusually supportive. He wanted to tell Kate that she was wrong, but she wasn't; and he couldn't say it out of spite when she had spoken so simply and honestly and didn't look very thrilled at the revelation. It was like the truth was just disturbing to her.

Kate wasn't looking at him anymore. It was so strange that she hadn't felt an ounce of guilt for spending so much time with Sirius before. Now she couldn't believe that she had thought that this was okay. It clearly wasn't.

"I hate you so much right now," she muttered.

Sirius looked stunned for a moment. "Me? You hate me? What, in Merlin's name, have I done to you?" he asked furiously. "If anything, I should hate you for how this has all turned out! I've done everything that you've asked me to!"

"And why is that?" Kate cried back, her face flushed. "Why have you done what I wanted you to? Why did I even tell you to go talk to your brother? Why did I let my bloody bracelet drop so Maggie wouldn't overhear you? Why?"

Sirius was speechless. He couldn't answer a single one of those questions, but Maggie's look of silent betrayal was more vivid in his mind than ever. "I don't know." Suddenly, the whole situation seemed more horrible and serious than before. He ran a trembling hand through his hair and noticed the way her hands shook as they fisted her skirt. "I don't know."

It was hard, being forced to face the truth when he had been able to avoid it for so long. Still, whatever this was remained a mystery to him. All he knew was that whatever he had with Kate was something that caused him to do things that he wouldn't otherwise do and it was the reason for his (former) girlfriend's disgusted expression when she last looked him in the face. It had caused Kate to hate him and him to hate her and both of them to hate themselves. But the absolute worst part was that he hadn't noticed it at all. He didn't know where this shift had occurred… but he knew that this needed to end before what little stability he had in his life disappeared.

"We were just trying to help," Kate said, though Sirius didn't think she was talking to him from the way her eyes were staring off in another direction. She breathed a small laugh. "Now what are we going to do… let the Slytherins win?"

They couldn't do that. What Sirius had been trying to do with Kate had been very important to him, especially after what he had pulled with Remus and Snape. He wanted to prove that there was something in him that made him worthy to be a Gryffindor… that his placement wasn't some humongous fluke of the Sorting Hat and leaving home was nothing but a stupid mistake. He needed to fight the Slytherins...for his own sake. And if he had to sacrifice his pride to do it, that was exactly what he would do.

"I'll..." his throat suddenly felt very dry, "I'll go talk to Maggie and... tell her everything. " At least, that he hadn't told Kate about his brother willingly. Maggie didn't need to know the other details. He would tell her that he _had _been upset that his brother was going to become a Death Eater, but now he realized that his love was misplaced and he had gotten over it. Regulus was out of his life forever, and he didn't want to talk about it again, but he just thought she should know.

As for Kate, what he felt for her would just have to go away. There was no other way.

"And we'll just keep doing what we're doing?" she asked dryly. She looked at him with eyes that were darker in the dimly lit corridor. "Shall we bring Maggie along?"

"Maggie doesn't need to know about that..." Sirius said, thinking of how awkward it would be with the three of them. Maggie had only asked about Regulus, and Sirius would tell her as much about that as he could, even if it killed him. But there was no sense in blowing their whole plan apart.

Kate snorted, but Sirius caught the vulnerability in her eyes. "You're off to a smashing start, Black. And we'll just carry on like usual?"

_What about us...?_ Never in this lifetime, would those words cross her lips, but he heard them all the same.

His throat burned with something that he didn't bother to investigate too closely.

"Nothing's changed." The meaning was clear enough, and to her credit, she didn't even flinch. It was a good thing too, because he didn't think he could have borne that. "We'll do what we've been doing... we'll just be more careful. I'll talk to Maggie in the morning."

She gave him a hard look, wrapped in cynicism. "You just love to play with fire, don't you? Even wizards get burned..." _And what if we can't?_

Sirius managed a rueful smile. "I'm used to the sting." _Whatever it takes..._

######################################################################

The whole room was holding its breath. Regulus was at least two years younger than all of the pure-bloods currently sitting around the table. And he knew why Bellatrix wanted him there.

She wanted to hurt Sirius, and she wanted to show his older brother that Regulus was serious about becoming a Death Eater... if he didn't know it already.

"I think I'll pass, Bella." He wasn't sure what made him say it. But he was getting a bad feeling about this, and why risk spoiling anything when he could just keep his hands clean. This had nothing to do with Sirius...

"Oh, why?" Bella asked him. His refusal hadn't seemed to bother her in the least, though her companions seemed baffled. "Proving me right..."

"I know what my brother gets like when he's been goaded, and I'm not interested in provoking him and his dirty little friends unless I have to. Aren't we supposed to be more instigative than active?" It was a fair point, they all had to admit. Potter and co. would jump on the chance to make them look bad.

"That's why they'll never see it coming! And it's still rather behind-the-scenes, if you will. I don't see it being traced back to us..."

"Is that why my brother has been hanging around lately?" Regulus crossed his arms over his chest. "I just saw him outside the dungeons." Maybe if they thought that someone was on to them, they wouldn't continue with this stupidity. Who cared if the real reason he was down here was to convince Regulus not to become a Death Eater?

He had expected her to continue to brim with confidence, she often overestimated herself. So, Regulus was mildly surprised when Bellatrix stiffened at this information. "What? Just now?"

He frowned as he looked over at the furious faces of the others, obviously he had missed something. "…Yes…"

Bella turned smoothly towards the polished black table, her face stone. "Perhaps he does know something." She was addressing Malfoy and Snape, both of whom looked grim. She fixed a glare on Regulus again. "Who was he with?"

The younger Slytherin was taken aback. "What do you mean?"

Bella edged closer again, her face dangerous. "Who. Was. He. With?" she spat. "Or was he alone?"

"Alone," he blurted and watched his cousin's face wash with relief before he continued. "But then two Gryffindor girls showed up..."

He realized that this had some significance when Malfoy let out a noise that sounded something like a growl and Snape's usually bored expression tensed.

"What did they look like, Black?"

Regulus shrugged. "I don't know… pretty, I guess, both dark-haired… one had curly hair… the other was smaller and pale…" He grimaced at the memory. "They were looking for the red-headed mudblood, you know, Potter's girlfriend."

This time it was Snape who let out a muffled wince, but they all ignored him, apparently too diverted by Regulus' information.

"The small one... Kate Jared." Bella muttered, and Malfoy nodded.

"That was the girl we caught last time."

"Before Sirius showed up to rescue the pathetic little damsel," Bella sneered. "They may know something. We've caught them hanging around before."

"What about the curly-haired one?" Snape put in, now watching Regulus carefully.

Bella looked expectantly at Regulus, who couldn't really offer much. "She looked kind of confused..."

"…so if she know anything, she obviously isn't spear-heading this thing… So my sweet cousin and the other girl, Jared, are trying to figure out our plan, with possible help from others."

Macnair straightened and looked from Bellatrix to Malfoy to Snape. "What are you three on about?" He seemed to voice a question that all of the others were interested in hearing the answer to.

Bella, however, only looked at Regulus. "You've done wonderfully," she cooed condescendingly. "But since you aren't interested in joining us, I suggest you leave."

Regulus knew it was about as far away from a suggestion as anything could get, and he didn't want to have a face-off with his sadistic cousin. He raised his hands in surrender; it was better off staying out of it. "Have fun, then."

As he was leaving, he could hear Bella's voice behind him. "I think there is a problem that needs to be taken care of... now."


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: Happy Thanksgiving! Alright, another wait that was entirely too long, but I promise that the next update will not be in four months. I promise! I hope I haven't lost any readers, but if the reviews for the last chapter is any indication, I certainly have. This chapter is going to uproot a very steady relationship, but PLEASE bear with me, and I promise it will be alright! I'm not going crazy, but this needed to happen… It's a short chapter, but quite a bit occurs. So I'm pretty much begging you readers, if you're still reading this, PLEASE tell me what you think! You don't know how much it means when you guys do that. In particular I need reviews for this chapter so I know how you feel about what I've done. Please, please review. That's my one request.

Chapter 21:

Sirius found it difficult to find Maggie the next morning. He knew that she was avoiding him and had probably even predicted that he would be seeking her out. Fortunately, he got lucky and ran into her by chance right outside the Great Hall. He cornered her before she got into the hall and pulled her aside. After one attempt to yank her arm from his grasp, she sighed and allowed herself to be led defiantly from the queue of students that had gathered around the entrance.

When they were a safe distance away, Maggie crossed her arms and stared expectantly at him in silence.

Sirius let her arm go and shuffled his feet nervously. He had been so ready to plead with her, and it had just gone out the window. "So..."

Once he trailed off, she huffed impatiently and tapped her foot once. Immediately, he felt twice as uncomfortable as before and forgot everything again. "What do you need to say, Sirius?" she finally asked, her voice brooking no room for his stuttering. Then her eyes glinted maliciously and she began looking around. "Oh, I'm sorry, did you need to wait for Kate to come? I know you two have been something of a match set lately…"

"That's not what this is about!" Sirius blasted, knowing that he couldn't allow the conversation to get to that point, even if he didn't really know what to say. "It's about last night…"

"Last night _involved _Kate, if you'd forgotten," Maggie replied dryly. "So what other part of last night did you mean?"

"My brother." Sirius finally said, relieved that he at least had gotten as far as stating his purpose. "I'll tell you... anything you want to know."

He was startled by the fierce glare that she sent him after that; he had thought that she would be happy that he was finally acquiescing to her wishes. Instead, her mouth pressed into a thin line and she looked like nothing would give her more pleasure than to shove her fist right in his face.

"I don't care anymore, Sirius," she said angrily. "I really don't. So please don't offend me by dragging me out here to finally give me what you refused me the entire time we were together. I mean, _now_? Why couldn't you have told me this last night? Did you suddenly get an epiphany this morning what you got out of bed? Did you all of the sudden decide that I was finally worthy of your secrets, of your consideration?"

Sirius bit his lip and clenched his fist. This wasn't how it was supposed to go… "No! That's not what I intended to do! I'm trying to tell you that I was an idiot to keep it from you and I'm...sorry."

Maggie's eyebrows furrowed regretfully. "And what if that isn't good enough anymore? I'm not going to play these sick games with you, Sirius. Games that you apparently don't play with Kate, who seems to know you better than anyone these days... even your best mate."

"Maybe that's because my best mate is a little preoccupied with your best mate," Sirius growled back. "And I haven't been confiding in Kate! She found out by a stupid accident! She happened to be trying to label a vial of her potion for Slughorn down in the dungeons while I was trying to talk some sense into my brother outside the Slytherin dormitories and she overheard... almost just like what happened last night, if Kate hadn't stopped it."

"And you were happy that she did," Maggie confirmed. "You wanted to make sure that I didn't find out, so why is it so important after everything has already been said and done?"

"Because everything hasn't been said, Maggie. You deserve to know the truth, regardless of what happens between us because I've jerked you around, and I admit that."

"As you should admit it."

"Right, but don't you understand! My brother—"

"I don't care, Sirius!" Maggie shouted, fighting the impulse to throw her hands over her ears in an attempt to shut out his voice. But Sirius wasn't about to be put off this time.

"My brother is joining the Death Eaters!" Sirius let out in a rush. Maggie paused at the words, looking stricken, her green eyes widening. Sirius looked away from her.

"My _brother_ is going to be a Death Eater… and I can't stop him."

There was a long silence during which the two refused to look at each other. Sirius didn't really know what more to say. This was the truth that she had been so desperate to know—and now she did. When Maggie finally looked up, his heart jumped strangely at her eyes, shining with sympathy.

"I _am_ sorry to hear that. In fact," she swallowed and let out a little laugh, "you probably don't know just how sorry."

Sirius realized, with a pang, that whatever he said to her—whatever he would say to her, wouldn't change anything. Maggie had made up her mind last night; that much was clear to him.

Maggie took a deep breath. "But that doesn't matter anymore. I honestly hope that you can somehow stop your brother, Sirius. But whatever was between us is over… it's just too late. You're free to do and say whatever you like. Truly."

"You don't know what I want!" Sirius protested fiercely. "I know you still believe that there was… or is something going on with me and Kate, but you're wrong. Her involvement was an accident, I swear."

Maggie shook her head, but this time her eyes were darkening. "Stop. Please, Sirius, I just want to do this nicely and be done with it. You're making it so much harder."

She was right, however reluctantly he had to admit it. He was being unfair to her for his own benefit. Fighting her on this wasn't going to win him anything, and he knew that Kate was right—they were already beginning to wreck everything beyond repair. Sirius closed his mouth and nodded, silently agreeing. Maggie's eyes shifted up at him with a mix of relief and hurt. "Thank you."

Leaving it awkwardly, Maggie turned towards the Great Hall without a word. But suddenly moved by something, Sirius reached out and grasped her wrist before she could get too far. The curly-haired girl gasped and turned to look at him almost angrily before he spoke.

"I just wanted to promise you one thing. The truth is that Kate and I have done absolutely _nothing_. When I was with you, it was just you. I want you to know that."

Unexpectedly, her eyes filled with something serene as she gave him a half-smile. "You're not a bad guy, Sirius. You're...a Gryffindor... a Gryffindor through and through. The only problem you have is the fact that you don't have a clue as to what you're supposed to do with your feelings." Slowly, she pulled her hand away. "I'll see you in class."

Maggie did walk away then, feeling for the first time that she had actually understood Sirius. She could live with the break-up if she could have the satisfaction of knowing that for once, she had seen him and just _known_. She could live with that.

#####################################################################

"Evans! I haven't seen you at one of my little gatherings in a while," Slughorn said to Lily as the class was packing up to leave. "I haven't lost your patronage, have I?" he asked with a wink.

Lily gave him the demure smile he was expecting and nodded for James to go on without her. Shaking his head, he obeyed and sauntered over to Sirius. Things had been going well for them, tentatively so, but Lily was finding that she had a very difficult time resisting the boy that had spent 75% of his Hogwarts schooling trying to woo her. Lily had to constantly remind herself that she could jump in with both feet while a part of him was holding back, even if it had nothing to do with her.

"Of course not, sir… I've just been a bit overwhelmed lately." She followed him as he turned toward his office and gestured for her to follow him. "I hope I haven't left the Gryffindor-Slytherin ratio unbalanced…" she added for good measure. This provoked a chuckle from Slughorn.

"Ms. Evans, I can always count on you to rib me about House warfare!" He went around the table and picked up a small jar, mixing the sunshine-yellow contents gently. "But I'm afraid I cannot let you bow out of my Christmas party this year, young lady. Bring Mr. Potter, if you must, but I won't have you missing it."

Lily found herself blushing at his teasing. "I will be there, Professor. Accompanied or unaccompanied."

Slughorn favored her with a smile as he lifted the stirrer from the jar and tapped it against the edge to rid it of excess. "That's my girl."

Lily smiled, about to make her excuses and leave, but something drew her eyes again to whatever it was that Slughorn was concocting. It was triggering something—the coloring and the thickness of it.

"Sir?"

The rotund Potions master made a grunt of acknowledgment as he went to wash the stirrer off. His back was to her.

"What is that you're brewing?"

Slughorn turned to her, brow furrowed with the vaguest confusion before Lily jerked her head towards the jar sitting on the table. "Oh! That, my dear, is something you probably won't have to worry about making unless you fall very unlucky… don't you recognize it?"

Lily shook her head. "No, what do you mean?"

"Well Poppy—I mean, Madame Pomfrey—insisted that I make an effort to strengthen the effects of her Were-Wound Ointment just in the case that we would need it. She seemed to think there was something lacking in its potency..."

For a reason still unbeknownst to her, Lily knew that this substance was familiar to her, and it was creating a simmering panic in her chest. "How would Madame Pomfrey know how potent it was?"

Slughorn looked at Lily's expression and hurried to soothe her. "Oh, I'm sure that she hasn't had much use for it. But it never does any good to be unprepared, does it?"

"No," Lily said vaguely. "If you'll excuse me, Professor, I must be going to my next class."

She didn't even see his nod of consent or his wave as she left the room, she was so consumed in her thoughts. She _knew _that salve from somewhere… she was sure of it. And for some reason, that knowledge was upsetting her.

Her mind went inexplicably to James. The look on his face when she raised her hand to his cheek and told him, for the first time, that she thought he was decent. The longing.

Her stomach was suddenly swirling and she felt sick, like she had just eaten more sweets than her body could hold and was determinedly rejecting it. Whether it was the strength of her feelings or the extreme confusion she felt, she didn't know.

"There you are!"

Her gaze focused on the floor, she met smooth, black material and strong arms encircled her. The embrace wasn't foreign to her, but she couldn't quite relax in her surprise. "Hey, there..." James laughed as he righted her. "Something interesting about the floor, Evans?"

Lily glanced up at him, speechless, before shaking her head. "I just… am I late?" she asked breathlessly.

James frowned at her strange behavior. "…no. But I thought you might be when you didn't come back. Are you alright? Did Slughorn do something dreadful? Was it a Slytherin? Just give me a name and I'll take care of it!"

"Oh no!" Lily cried at his onslaught of questions, pressing her hands to his chest when she saw his jaw tighten. "Relax, I'm fine..." The last thing she needed right now was more chaos.

"Then what's the matter?" James asked her again, more gently. His voice was so kind and his eyes so guileless, wide with concern.

The fog in her mind lifted and Lily murmured the words. "Were-wound ointment…"

"What?"

Lily stepped away from James.

_*"He hates you, but he did right by you when it really counted."_

"_He was trying to save his best mate's ass!"_

_*"You said... that you wanted to know everything... that you had a right to know..."_

_He paused and Lily looked warily at him, at the hand that was gliding down the smooth wood of his broomstick. "Yes..."_

_ "You're right."_

_ *_ _She tried to keep the accusation out of her voice, though she knew that he may have put James in danger. "How bad is this?" She prodded softly._

_ He didn't look at her; she may as well not even have been there. "The worst thing I've ever done."_

"Oh my god." Lily couldn't even look at him. "Snape was right."

James glowered at his enemy's name. "What does Snape have to do with this?"

Questions, questions… Lily couldn't believe this. Everything fell into place all at once. Madame Pomfrey applying the yellow medication onto James and Snape—the were-wound ointment. Lupin's monthly sickness. Why was James asking the questions?

"When was Lupin last out of school?"

Lily now knew James well enough to see a tinge of panic in his eyes as he answered. "Two weeks ago, why?"

"The full moon."

Lily had always thought that saying someone's "jaw dropped" was just an expression until she saw her boyfriend do exactly that. And it took just that long for Lily to get very angry.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You KNOW what I mean by that," Lily answered, her voice quivering with fury. "How could you—"

Reflexively, James took Lily by the arm before she had a mind to struggle and dragged her away, to a secluded part of the grounds. Lily didn't struggle even when she realized what he was doing. She wanted to have it out with him.

When they were a good distance from anyone who could be listening, she wrenched away and took a deep, heated breath. "How could you keep that from me?"

James just shook his head in disbelief, running a hand through his hair, though this time it was a nervous gesture. "You don't know what you're talking about! You don't—"

"Remus is my friend too!" Lily yelled. "And I don't know what you're bloody doing, but I do know that you're playing with his life—and yours!"

"We've been helping him, Lily!" James shouted back. He didn't think her reaction made any sense, but somehow he had known that she would do this when she found out. And even though the largest reason for keeping Remus' secret from her was because it was dangerous, it was also because of the acute fear that she would walk away once she knew what he had been hiding. And now his heart was pounding because her green eyes were shining with betrayal. She was so beautiful…so hurt.

"We're all… we all became Animagi in our fifth year," Lily scoffed in frustration, but James only spoke louder, not wanting her to tune him out. "Moony was bitten when he was little and when we caught on, we had to help him. That way, we could stay with him and help him through it when he needed us."

"At the expense of what? An accident that you would never forget?"

"Padfoot and I are big enough that it would never come to that! We could keep him in check if he went wild…"

Lily was staring at James as if she didn't recognize him. "How could you be so _stupid_, James? How! I can't believe this! I can't believe this, and just when I…" she stopped, looking rather surprised with herself.

"When you what, Lily?" James challenged.

Lily closed her eyes for a moment before composing herself. "It doesn't matter anymore, does it?"

"We had to do it." James couldn't apologize for it. Even it cost him Lily, he couldn't regret Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. And if she would let him, he would be completely honest with her. She just had to let it go.

They were silent then, just watching each other breathlessly. James could see a sheen of angry tears now lining the lids of her eyes and he swallowed the impulse to brush them away. He should have known better than to keep this from her. Lily's pride was just too damn strong to accept a secret this big.

"That night…" Lily said, watching him intently. "What could have happened that night when you went to find Severus?"

"Padfoot tricked Snape into going out there to find Moony when he had just changed." James responded blankly. "Sirius told me after it was already done and I knew that if I didn't do anything that something terrible could happen." Lily face softened the slightest bit and James' eyes were drawn away from her, to the trees behind them. "Remus hasn't forgiven Sirius for that... and I really don't blame him."

"Why didn't you tell me, James? After that, you had a chance to. You had a dozen chances, and still, you told me nothing! I was there that night! I had a right to know that you were risking your life! Do you have any idea how unfair you were being to me?"

"How exactly did you think I should have broached that conversation, Lily? 'Hey, Lilykins, guess what? Every full moon I run around with my best friend who becomes a hairy, bleeding werewolf! Interesting story, actually!' Would that have made you happy? This was bigger than me, bigger than us!"

"No," Lily choked. She was beginning to tear up again. "It's not, you only think it is."

He was losing her. He vaguely realized this as he stood there, unable to feel his legs. Unable to plead with her or touch her. "I love you."

He didn't know where that had come from, it was like the words had been ready to jump from his mouth at that very moment. But they were out now, and he couldn't take them back. He didn't really want to take them back, because they were the truest thing he had said so far.

Lily shivered. He knew what those words would mean to her—what they would mean to any girl. She was quaking with pent-up energy, but struck silent.

"Please."

Lily blinked. She wanted so badly to say something, but it was the wrong thing and it wouldn't get her anywhere. This was going to hurt a lot, but she didn't see any other way. She simply wasn't willing to forgive him this. He didn't realize what his life meant to her, and it disgusted her that he put no value in it. Her face froze.

"No, James. It's still childish games, don't you see? It's a joke." She finally found her mobility and took a step back. "And you're just a boy."

She didn't look at him again. She knew what she had just done because she had ruined herself just as horribly as she had ruined him, with only a few words. _She loved him_.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N: I'm trying to put these out quicker, since I haven't been doing so hot in that department. So here you go, I hope it doesn't disappoint, and please review!

Chapter 22:

She couldn't talk to anyone about it. Maggie was dealing with her own problems, and yet still found time to be as persistent as Anise and Kate with her questions. But Lily couldn't tell them about it.

She didn't know what to say.

She couldn't tell them that Remus was a werewolf, and after being the one to break up with James, she couldn't tell them what she was beginning to think she felt more for him. She wouldn't even allow herself to go there for fear that if she searched, she would find undeniable proof that she loved James Potter in the recesses of her mind.

James, for his part, wasn't even trying to hide his depression. At first, she could see that he hadn't spoken to anybody about their break-up either, but the gossip couldn't be helped once people began to notice their distance and the awkwardness that sprang between them whenever they were in a room together.

Nobody asked them directly what had occurred, but those closest to them were certainly getting bombarded. Maggie was getting it the worst, and if Lily had the time to give it thought, she would have questioned whether Kate had had a hand in her break-up with Sirius. But at first glance, Maggie was taking the entire thing well and treating Kate the way she would have done normally, so Lily assumed it was a mutual decision between Sirius and herself. She also had not seen Kate and Sirius together since she caught them on that one occasion. In any case, her relationship with James preoccupied her mind more than anything else and she couldn't force herself to focus on something different.

If there was one thing that she knew, it was that James would trust her not to relinquish the secret. They knew each other too well to believe that was an issue. Still, she was surprised that Remus hadn't paid her a visit yet. She began to wonder if James had even told him what she had discovered.

It was an impossible situation. She didn't want to think about it anymore, but there wasn't a release in sight. James had a hold on her now. What was worse was that his actions could even be considered noble...stupid, but noble. It was something she had lately discovered and grown to love about him. He was literally willing to _transform _for the sake of his friend. But she would be damned if she would stand by and watch while his hero complex and utter loyalty got him killed. His overprotective nature would always be a barrier that she couldn't break, and if he had really trusted and respected her the way she wanted to be, he would allow her to see him for everything that he was. She couldn't have any less.

########################################################################

"Lily's miserable, you know."

The words were the honest-to-God truth, but Kate said them mostly to fill the silence. She and Sirius were sitting outside the Slytherin corridor, leaning against opposite walls. He had been moody and quiet for the last hour and Kate was quickly getting sick of it. If he didn't respond to this, she was going to either throw a full bottle of butterbeer at his stupid head or stand naked in front of him. She was planning on going with the latter only when she got really desperate, since their apparent attraction was a kind of taboo.

Sirius didn't even look up, but favored the floor with the glare meant for her. "She can be miserable all she wants, Jared. Because of her, my best mate can barely walk straight anymore, he's so out of it. And he won't talk to anybody. Won't tell anyone—even me—what happened between them."

Kate felt a weird mix of relief and anger at his response. "Then try not to point the finger, _Padfoot_. Considering that Lily's been just as upset and quiet about it, you can hardly say that it's all her fault."

"Right," he bit out sarcastically, taking a sip from his bottle. "You obviously don't know anything about it. The truth is that he fancied her more than she could have ever given back. Then she toyed with him, chewed him up and spit him out. I knew that's what he'd get from her...but I couldn't say a bloody thing. He was too happy."

Kate only stared at him through dark eyes. She spoke evenly, but her tone was laced with poison. "I'll say it again. Don't talk about Lily like that, Black. I may not know James' end of it, but Lily truly and honestly cared for him. Girls always feel it worse when it's over...just ask Maggie."

It was a cruel thing to say, but Kate was in the mood to draw blood. It had begun from the moment they had arrived. Sirius had led her over to the floor and plopped down, expecting her to do the same.

_"This is…filthy."_

_Sirius laughed dryly at the distaste in every syllable. "Get over it, Jared. Sit down and shut up. We have a job to do."_

_"Maybe you should do it yourself."_

_"Maybe I should. You think you won't have to get down and dirty? We're dealing with Slytherins who are planning on joining the Death Eaters. The floor will be the least of your worries."_

_Kate didn't say anything, only stared daggers at him while she stood there, attempting to make her point. But as she became increasingly bored, his smirk grew, until she conceded and sank to the floor._

_He grinned wolfishly at her when she did so, but his countenance was still dangerous and she wouldn't look at him. "You know, Jared, for a prude, that skirt is a bit short, isn't it?" Kate refused to acknowledge him at all, though she suddenly felt hotter than before. She ignored him even when he reached into his bag to pull out a butterbeer and proceed to ROLL it across the floor to her._

Their silence had goaded each other the entire night and though Kate had drawn first blood, she knew that her counterpart could return the blows just as competently. Sirius looked like he could hit her for her comment, but he restrained himself and took another jerky gulp of his drink. "Just shut-up, Kate. At this moment, you're the last person I want to be here with," he muttered tightly.

If Kate regretted saying it, she didn't let on. "Things aren't looking so brilliant from this angle either," she said, rolling her eyes. "Keep your fat mouth shut about Lily and I won't say another word about your break-up with Maggie. It's quite simple, really."

"Nothing's simple about it."

"Just don't."

"Do what? Tell me, Kate, a week ago you actually felt _bad_ about Maggie. Now you're mocking the whole thing. So are you just a lying, soulless bitch or can you just not remember what to feel on any given day?"

"Think what you like," Kate responded hotly. "But please don't preach to me about feelings! You're hardly the expert."

This gave Sirius a pause, then slowly, an ironic smile spread across his face, causing Kate to watch him carefully, unsure of why he was reacting that way. It was unnerving, the way their conversation could go hot and cold so quickly. She felt so much more unpredictable around him, like they were competing for something and she didn't know what.

"Oh, I understand all about feelings."

Kate raised an eyebrow, but Sirius continued. "No, I am. Take Lily and James for example. She's the pretty, untouchable princess of a girl that could never admit that she would stoop _so low_ as to go for someone like my arrogant arse of a best friend. And she couldn't understand why he never forgot about her...no matter what she did, he wouldn't let go. It scared her... even though she'd never admit it."

Sirius traced the rim of his bottle idly, but his voice became more intense. "So she decided to feel it out. And James couldn't refuse the girl of his dreams. But when she couldn't work out her little attraction, she bolted. She couldn't get over the fear that there might be something more to it than some stupid school relationship. And the _reason_ they broke it off doesn't really matter, because if it hadn't been one thing, it would have been something else. She had to get out."

"And assuming you're right and Lily destroyed everything," Kate sneered at him. "Why is James so devastated this time? Lily has been brutal to him in the past when she's turned him down. He's always bounced back, Sirius."

"_Because_," Sirius drawled, "it's _always_ the worst when they let you get close. You women, you let us think that you love and it's all you want. To be with us. Then, when we actually start to trust you and begin to think that maybe you foolish romantic females have the idea… you crush it. Right there, in no time at all. James has gotten a taste of it now. And he'll never be able to come back from it now. All he'll think of is what it could have been like. James had her for that second, and now he'll obsess about it."

Kate wouldn't allow herself to be struck dumb by the shrewd assessment of a situation that all of them barely knew anything about. It was what Sirius wanted. "For a believer in the power of emotions, that's a rather grim view of it all, isn't it?" she finally settled for saying.

Sirius watched her steadily, unblinkingly. "It's nothing more than the truth. I understand feelings, Jared. But that's exactly why I hate them. And so I'll never allow myself to fall into that trap...you can bet your life on that."

One side of Kate's mouth tilted up as she stood and dusted herself off. "I guess I couldn't expect anymore from slimy jerk like you. But I'll say one thing... just because you said that, I promise you that it will happen to you. You're going to fall into it just like everyone else. And you'll be like all the people you mocked."

" Not a chance, sweetheart. Feelings do nothing but spread misery, and I've had my fill of that," Sirius said gruffly as he followed Kate's lead and stood.

"I don't think James would have chosen a girl that couldn't stand him to fall for."

"You don't know the prat like I do. The more difficult, the better is his moto."

"Please. Feelings are compulsory. They happen because they do."

"They're a nuisance."

Kate suddenly halted her steps and turned to look at the young man beside her. He returned her scrutiny in kind, not seeming at all surprised by her. She supposed he wasn't, because she rarely was surprised by him. It was easy to anticipate someone when their ways felt like your own. Sirius was just angrier, more emotionally volatile and yet more secretive. It was maddening but Kate perhaps knew that this is what she would be if all that had happened to Sirius in his lifetime had happened to her.

"Sirius, you're not a little boy stuck under his psychotic, pure-blood mother's thumb anymore." _Everyone_ knew about Sirius' family and the mania that he was born into—the rest of his family was comprised almost entirely of Slytherins. So when he made his great escape last year, it spread around the school like wildfire. "And now your brother and Maggie and James…you're quite a mess, aren't you?" Her words were soft and sad, but lacked the sympathy and condescension he loathed. She just wanted to make it clear to him when she knew that he wasn't making it clear to himself.

Sirius' eyes flickered up to her face and she saw his jaw clench again. "Stop it!" he hissed. He hated it when she said things like that; she unearthed his darkest secrets and said them so easily, like she hadn't had to dig and dig through years of secrets and unspoken sentiments for this insight. His hand closed over her wrist and squeezed in warning. "Today is not the day to play with me."

Kate didn't fight him; she knew that this was going to be a point of contention, but she always spoke freely with him and she wasn't about to stop now. She nodded at him before ripping her arm out of his grasp and continuing their walk back to the common room.

"We need a better plan than this."

"My thoughts exactly. What do you propose?"

For weeks now, they had been waiting outside the Slytherin common rooms and occasionally even trailing the pre-Death Eaters for the possibility of finding some answers. But it seemed like now they were even more careful than before, only holding their meetings somewhere that the wrong person could never eavesdrop in. They needed to come up with something better.

"Do you think it's possible to get into their common room?" Kate wondered.

Sirius shrugged, weighing the options. "The only way we'd get in and be inconspicuous is Polyjuice Potion...or..."

There was a sudden glint in Sirius' eyes and Kate could guess that he had thought of something ingeniouse. "If we could go with something besides the Polyjuice, I would be much happier. It's too messy and the Slytherins are such a pack of ugly gits."

Sirius didn't even seem to be listening, but his response still answered her question. "I might be able to work it out. I'll just need to talk to James..."

Kate raised her eyebrows. "I'll wish you the best of luck with that, but what does he have to do with this? And what do you plan on telling him?"

"Don't worry, I'll only tell him that I need—well, you can wait and see what I'm talking about. But I'm pretty sure that it will work. I'll tell you everything once I'm sure that James will let me use it."

"Use what?"

Sirius shook his head. "You'll see," he insisted, climbing through the portrait hole with Kate close behind. The common room was practically abandoned now, it was so late. Late enough that their sleep was lacking—their fear of getting caught by anyone overrode their desire to be properly rested. Still, Kate was hoping that this alternate plan was far less time-consuming. She wasn't sure how Sirius was managing to still pass his classes.

They were about to part ways, but since they were on the veneer of civility again, Kate needed to tell him again. "Black, I _am_ sorry about Maggie." She hadn't asked what had happened between them when Sirius went to plead with her, but she could tell just by the way he had been acting. Maggie wasn't going to forgive him.

For a moment, Sirius actually looked pleased that she was apologizing, but just as soon as the expression had appeared, it disappeared again and he shrugged. "We both know that it wasn't just you, don't we? And maybe it's better this way...like I said before, I'm not into feelings."

Kate crossed her arms. "Or you're scared, like you claimed Lily was."

Sirius smirked when Kate used his own words against him, but he sobered when he looked at his companion. "It wasn't like that with us—Maggie and I," he said finally. "There wasn't enough there to be scared of."

Kate stepped closer to him, dreadfully curious. "What scares you, Black?" she whispered. She felt strangely reminiscent of the day that she told Sirius that he was afraid of someone seeing him for who he was. He had told her that she was scared of the same thing. Now she wanted to know more, whether they should be scared of something else. He could barely hear it over soft, crackling fire. She was looking up at him, daring as usual, and her intent eyes even darker in the dim lighting.

Sirius swallowed only barely noticeably as he answered harshly. "I'm not like James, I don't let myself close enough to ever find out."

"Isn't that a little…constraining?"

"No…I rarely find something worth avoiding."

"And now?"

"There are some things," he admitted, before looking away from her. "Meet me here on Tuesday at 7. I'll have it all covered."

Kate nodded and stepped away.

"Alright then. Good night, Black."

"Good night, Jared."

#######################################################################

Lily had been expecting Remus to confront her for a while now, so she was unemotional when he walked up to her at the end of classes, with James at his side. "I figured that he would tell you."

James wouldn't look at her, but Remus gave an apologetic little shrug. "You understand, don't you? I am sorry you found out this way, but to be fair, I told James not to tell you."

"That's a lie," James said immediately, his eyes darting to his friend. "You offered me the chance to tell Lily and I chose not to take it. It was all me."

Remus looked about to protest, but Lily cut across him, unwilling to care who was telling the truth. "Now that that's settled," she said with a breath, "is there something you wanted from me?"

Remus nodded reluctantly. "I just...I know that...it's a lot to swallow. And I don't expect you to—"

"Remus, it's fine," Lily sighed. "I would never tell anyone what I know. And it doesn't change how I feel about you at all. You're still the same great guy you always were and I hope that you aren't too unhappy that I know about it."

He looked taken aback at that. "No, no... if there was anyone else that I wouldn't be too worried about knowing my secret, it would be you. And that's what I wanted to come and tell you...in a way. That, and that I don't think you should give this too much thought. I've been living with it for years and it really isn't that important—certainly not important enough to ruin anything." As hard as Remus tried he couldn't help but tilt his head towards James. Lily, for her part, had almost forgotten that he was standing there. "That's really all I came to say, so I'll let James have a word."

Before Lily could protest, Remus had disappeared and James took a step forward, meeting her eyes for the first time. Lily shook her head slowly, confused. "Why do you want to talk?"

James took the seat next to her and Lily forced herself to remain where she was. "I think we have a lot more to discuss. I mean, we didn't exactly leave things settled the normal way, did we?"

The red-headed girl was trying valiantly to detect something in his tone so she could figure out what he had come here to say, but he was a complete mystery. There nothing in his voice or his gaze to suggest anything about the way he felt at the moment, though she could assume that he wasn't too happy with their circumstances, considering that she had watched him sit sullenly from afar in all of their classes for the past week. Still, he seemed different today, more reckless or more confident...or maybe just more resigned.

She spoke when she realized that he truly wanted her to answer his question, but she didn't have a response for that either. "Did you think that?" she muttered noncommittally. The truth was that she understood exactly why he had done what he did, and time had only accentuated all of his good reasons for doing so. But she still couldn't shake the simple fact that he had been _lying_ to her, whether it was a flagrant one or one of omission, the decision was still to keep her away from a large aspect of his life.

James Potter was too dangerous for her in every sense of the word. And she didn't want to be hurt.

James watched her earnestly. "I can't walk away right now without you know _exactly_ why I've made the choices that I've made. I owe it to both of us."

Lily shuddered, quickly shaking the impulse to flee the room. "Please James, I've already said what I needed to say...and nothing will change that."

James straightened and his hazel eyes flashed. "Say what you want about how we are worlds different from each other, and I'm nothing but an arrogant git that won't have the decency to leave you alone; say all of that, but there is one thing that we have in common."

Lily didn't need to ask, but she did, hoping to move things along quicker. "What?"

"You could never abandon a friend that needed you. I don't care what their problem was or if you didn't think that you were physically capable of making things right—you would be the first at their side. If Snape isn't plain proof of that, I don't know what is."

"Where are you going with this?" Lily snapped, feeling thrown off. It was just like him to pull a stunt like this, leaving her with her guard down and saying what she least expected him to say. Snape was just one of those things.

"I'm saying that when I first found out Remus' secret, I only wanted him to see that nothing had changed. He was still one of my best mates and we would do what we could to make his lot bearable. Can you honestly say that in the same circumstances, you wouldn't have done the same?"

"There are other ways, James!" Lily did snatch up her bag and start walking then, James quickly mimicking her. She continued, knowing that he was behind her as the walk through the dimly lit corridor. Everyone must have been at dinner by now. "This is just what you do! You find the most perilous way of doing things and you jump in without a thought or care to anything else!"

"When you say 'anything else' do you mean yourself?" James challenged, hurrying after her. Lily's silence was his answer.

"Evans, we weren't even together back then! This was two years ago at least that this all happened. Back when you wanted nothing to do with me."

"I still don't!" she shot spitefully.

"Oh, of course! You can't take back these past few months no matter how hard you try. I'll still be here!" James flung out a hand to brace her quick steps and cornered her against the wall, daring her to move. "Now, I'm a part of your past, Lily. I know there was something there, because despite what you'll say now, you came to me and said that you didn't want to wait. Don't you remember that?"

"Yes," she hissed, just wanting him away from her. His eyes glued to hers and his heated breath tickling her nose. If he didn't go away, then she would lose all sense of everything and do just another stupid thing. "But it's not the same anymore."

"You're right," James said, moving even closer to her. "We're even better than before. And I'm not the only one that realizes it anymore. You do, too."

"You don't know what I realize!"

"Keep believing that if you want," James responded. "But there's something else you can believe: that I'm not giving this up."

"You just don't get it," Lily said, trying to dispense as little breath as possible. She was trying to avoid the obsessive thought that there was no space in between their bodies. "This isn't...I can't be with you after what you've done. Why can't you respect that?"

"Because you're wrong," his hand came up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know that I betrayed your trust, but you understand why I did it. I know you do, but your pride is hurt and you're scared."

Lily finally pushed him away, his touch jarring her. "You have no chance, Potter."

James had the ghost of a smile on his face. "You've been saying that to me for years, Evans. It didn't work then, and it won't work now. I'm calling your bluff."

Lily didn't know how to dissuade him and it was beginning to worry her. But she couldn't let him have the last word, so she did the worse thing she could. "Call it then, James. But I hope you can stand the failure." She goaded him.


End file.
